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Your friend should be putting her children first, period. She should stay put until her kids are grown and out of the house taking care of themselves before she should go gallivanting all over the world looking for "love".
I don't think it is fair ,for the men it is completely all right to marry another woman and move on. Thinking about kids or not. (But in this case her ex is much helping in every way he can.) For woman need to stay till kids grown up and gone from the house. I don't think it is practical saying is. As I know always she give her every attention to her kids. That I know for sure. If she is in tonight I know bit more in deep towards this.
Why would you be afraid to say something, she has asked for your opinion according to your first post.
yes true but that is me, I am careful when I say things to friends or even unknown people. I strongly believe " what has been said cannot be undone" In one hand I want her to be happy and start a new page. And the other hand I know the risk too. So I want to give her something that not to hurt her but reasonable thing.
I don't think it is fair ,for the men it is completely all right to marry another woman and move on. Thinking about kids or not. (But in this case her ex is much helping in every way he can.) For woman need to stay till kids grown up and gone from the house. I don't think it is practical saying is. As I know always she give her every attention to her kids. That I know for sure. If she is in tonight I know bit more in deep towards this.
It just so happens in this case your friend is a woman. Had you said he was a man, I would have said exactly the same thing. He has children and he should be putting them first before anything.
I think it's important to be as honest as possible with your friend. You seem like a good friend, so I don't think you will have trouble with avoiding hurt feelings. Make sure you stick to the facts for the most part, but also point out what a lifestyle change this is and that it could have serious consequences for her children. Good luck.
Tell her to have a read of this horrible story and think carefully whether she wants to move her 2 young, vulnerable daughters to the home of a virtual stranger.
One can no more "just move" from Holland to the US than to Holland from the US. There's the small matter of immigration laws.
Under the best of circumstances, it takes a very brave and resourceful person to make such a move. She doesn't strike me as very brave or resourceful.
Finally, while she doesn't strike me as the average dutch woman, neither of them probably have any idea how different their cultures and norms are and what they will face in a mixed-culture relationship. Northern Europeans and Americans look alike (almost), but that's it.
She was by me last night! We had a good conversation. I gave what was on my mind.
If everything goes good that is fantastic but what ever the decision need to make in the sake of children. And because of that we have to count on bad sides too. I point out whole the difficult hurdles that she might have to face. Also I let her to see the comments on the post. I was being honest I said this is new situation for me so I asked from public. She read everything. She knew about the link. Also I mention kids need to be the priority in a friendly way. But what she had a point too.
In her words:
* " I am not taking lover over my kids. I was married for 14 years. Marriage did not work out. my ex husband likes freedom. Live alone stay alone. So I set him free. Other than that there is not night mare divorce as other people going through between us. But he enjoy fullest with kids and they like that too. Kids enjoy more now than we were together. Whole school vacations per year kids stay half with him and half with me. Some times kids wants to stay more then I am alone again. I don't want to say NO for my kids to being with their father. Every other week end and most of the half school vacations I am all alone, That is the reason that I pop in to online dating. But I did not go to many people. I met few who lives in this country but I did not like them. Some did not like me either. In a time that I decide to take off my profiles this guy start talking and we felt for each other and he is not a man who divorced he is a man who took care about his ill wife for more than 10 years, who suffered with non curable cancer. So I am sure this man is not a person who dump a woman that easy but it does not mean that I am ready to leave my kids and go. He did not ask me to do it today or tomorrow either. But I like to know what is the best option. "
After we talk about everything. She made a phone call over the Skype to this guy. She pull out her bothering feelings and all issues that might come. I gave them the space to talk but I was in the area. Honestly I was curious how this MR Florida will react. He was kind of mature minded man.
He offer her that he will come for 6 months to stay with her , here in The Netherlands. 4 weeks as holidays and he will get paid and the rest other months he has to work from home, quiet hard to attend to conference calls and stuff due to time difference but he said to my friend Leena, he want to give a try. So he is arranging that over there in Florida.
Lets hope that will work for Leena. Thank you for all your comments.
I think it's important to be as honest as possible with your friend. You seem like a good friend, so I don't think you will have trouble with avoiding hurt feelings. Make sure you stick to the facts for the most part, but also point out what a lifestyle change this is and that it could have serious consequences for her children. Good luck.
Not to mention worse schooling.
OP - look, if your friend thinks this is "love" - Heaven help her children. Child predators prey on women that are weak in the knees over the concept of love.
I was living in NC when Zahra Baker first came up missing. She lived less than an hour's time from where I lived. It was pretty clear to those of us watching the story unfold that her step mother killed her.
But, even worse, are the sick, perverted types that prey on single moms that just want love. They manipulate those moms to do unthinkable with the children.
OP - look, if your friend thinks this is "love" - Heaven help her children. Child predators prey on women that are weak in the knees over the concept of love.
I was living in NC when Zahra Baker first came up missing. She lived less than an hour's time from where I lived. It was pretty clear to those of us watching the story unfold that her step mother killed her.
But, even worse, are the sick, perverted types that prey on single moms that just want love. They manipulate those moms to do unthinkable with the children.
Worst things happen every where. In that sens not only in Florida all over the world. In this life circle is she has to face something horrible that she will face even if she lives in a tower house with all security. But the Mr Florida is coming to NL for 6 months. (I have up dated the OP). From that period they will decide if they can build up something together.Other wise they will see from there. I am not a person who push negativity to a person who wants a change in their lives. That is not what I learned from my parents. I will be there for her and support her as best I can. But in a way she wont get in to a trouble. Not all the step parents are same. And not all the step fathers are same. In the sens of sick perverted types not only men woman too. It can happen to single fathers too.
Heaven does not need to help her children. She is there for kids. What is wrong if a single mom think about love???? Only men suppose being loved ? Well Mr Florida is not from forces. And he is well rule obeyed person.
IF some one does not trust some one love how ever at least a friend ship wont start between people. Thank you for your comment. Let see what happens when Mr Florida comes to live here. Fingers crossed!
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Single mother 2 kids and lover from USA! -UPDATE!
