Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
While the behavior of the OP's sons might appear to be quaint and callow, it's also fascinating. These kids are substantially more advanced than many men on this forum – men who are 20 or 30 years older. And it's a fascinating laboratory of human behavior, of how groups and cliques coalesce, competition vs. cooperation, formation of a pecking-order, social norms and taboos, loss of erstwhile inhibitions, gain of new ones, response to failure and rejection, steadfastness and surrender. I'd love to have been the proverbial fly on the wall, inconspicuously observing, taking notes. And it's remarkable to me how lifelong modes of behavior, our enduring bases for judgment, the heuristics and assumptions serviceable for a lifetime and recalled even when rapid thought no longer forms, congeal so quickly and so fully even in our early teenage years.
At that age, people are highly influenced by peers, which is why they all seem to like the same few people. It's all about status with peers, far less so about personal tastes. I easily notice the theme of "competition" emerging in the OP's description. There is an observation of who is "getting the girl" who is something of a prize socially; they all MUST like the same few girls in order to measure up against one another.
That exists with girls that age too, but it's something I never wrapped my head around as I never have worked that way.
I remember a lot of conventionally attractive people (including pretty, quiet girls with long hair and nice looking, funny boys) not getting much attention in the middle school to high school years because only a select few could be focused on to have that standard to measure one another against.
I've just realized how some people get stuck in that mindset past high school, and it's saaaaad.
I got my first marriage proposal at seven years old (second grade). A boy came up to me (that I barely knew) and said "When I grow up I'm going to marry you." And I just looked at him and said "Why?" and he said "cause you're the prettiest girl in the class!" That was the sole criteria..... so even though I didn't know him or even think he was cute I decided I would keep him on the "back burner" since he was at least interested in me. Ah, the good old days - LOL!
Not sure if this is the right forum, but it addresses what school boys/young men seem be initially drawn to in the opposite sex (whether it's nature or nurture).
My boys have school crushes which is cute, and illuminating, and sometimes disturbing. Not looking for parenting advice, just sharing what I see while observing 12-15 year old boys in action... A lot of this is obvious stuff, but interesting how it starts so early and may reflect some universal truths.
Caveat - My boys know I can and will read texts, and they are pretty comfortable being open and honest about these matters with me; however, their judgment is currently being clouded by hormones - some maturity is bound to come. Also, I am basing my observations on a small sampling of males (e.g. maybe 50 kids in one geographic locale).
Some things I've observed:
- The boys like "the really pretty, quiet ones" - Example: My 12 y.o. and his friends have a major crush on "Emma." I asked 5 of the boys (in the car) why they like her so much, and they said "because she is very pretty, with long pretty hair, and also she doesn't talk too much." LMAO... I said, "that's important, huh?" Yes, they said the quiet ones were the most attractive.
- The boys care about level of intelligence (or lack thereof). They are not so much concerned about high IQ, though my sons have bragged that girls they like are pretty and smart. But I did read a large group chat where boys (not mine) were addressing the likelihood they can convince some of the "dumber" girls to "do kissing and stuff with them." Needless to say, we had a long discussion on that one.
- They work in teams. Nothing new here. They are developing elaborate systems of alphas, betas, wingmen... The "friend-zoned" boys (and girls) are told to set-up their friends with the "alpha" boys. They copy private texts and then dissect the texts in group chat to come up with approaches (game) for convincing girl to go out with them, sometimes involving lying, e.g. "Just tell her you like her, so that you can make out at Maggie's party, then break up with her Monday." Yes, we've also discussed this.
- There doesn't seem to be much interest in a girls' classes or extracurriculars, except for sports. They seem to be in particular awe of the pretty female athlete. They describe girls as "that tall hot volleyball player who spikes" or "that little hot gymnast who does a 720 double cork flip" or that "hot blond who runs the 5 minute mile." Yes, they keep the stats.
- They care greatly about number of other "boyfriends" a girl has had. E.g. According to the boys, girls who were once popular with boys start losing status if they "liked" too many other boys. Texts from their friends read "I used to like her until she dated 2-3 boys in a row in 8th grade..."
- Getting a girl/boy is highly competitive sport. E.g. Several boys raced to open the school door for Emma, and my son was mad that "Jake" pushed him out of the way to get there first - lol. Boys also tried to outdo each on Valentine's Day gifts to Emma (you know, the pretty girl who doesn't talk much). Also, once a boy has a girl who likes him, other girls will then become more attracted to him and compete much more for him, sometimes viciously.
- The athlete or obnoxious class clown gets the girl (as does sometimes the boy who ignores or is rude to the girl). Again, nothing new here. The class clown gets the girls, so they are therefore spurred to be even more inappropriately comical during class (unfortunately, this often seems to be my son - we're working on it).
So these are some of my observations from my current journey of raising young men (a species I knew little about - I came from an all-girl family)... Any other observations?
This may be true for some, but not me. I don't like competing for girls and I have never knowingly done so. Too much work. And, yes, I felt that way at puberty too lol.
I'd say the boys who seem to most like the outspoken girls come from the theatre group. My daughter is in theatre, so I know about some of the relationships that go on there. It is a very nice supportive group of kids... Never did theatre in high school.
Yep, I was a theatre kid in HS and college, and we girls that spoke our minds always did well.
I think the only Universal Truths about male attraction is that there are no universal truths. What's attractive to one guy may not be at all to another and vice-versa. For example, just among my friends we have totally different tastes. Generalizations like this really serve no purpose as individual tastes vary widely, even with teenage boys. I never once competed for girls. If some girl was hugely popular I didn't even bother, the odds are not very good. I also never participated in this "wingman" type of stuff. If I was interested I started a conversation myself, not had one of my friends do the talking.
I remember my guy little cousin used to have a crush on GiGi (our family snuck into his school diary), and he drew a huge mountain with Gigi behind it. Supposedly she was a really nerdy quiet girl.. he would ask his big brother to take him the Dollar Tree so he could buy Gigi little gifts. And, he did. For a 7 y.o. boy! No wonder he was so diligent at earning money for his chores.
Most my gal cousins and I had crushes on the quiet boys- usually the very nerdy ones with glasses. There were about 20 of us all around the same age.. I think there could be a pattern at least amongst us with shy quiet studious lookin boys!
I remember my guy little cousin used to have a crush on GiGi (our family snuck into his school diary), and he drew a huge mountain with Gigi behind it. Supposedly she was a really nerdy quiet girl.. he would ask his big brother to take him the Dollar Tree so he could buy Gigi little gifts. And, he did. For a 7 y.o. boy! No wonder he was so diligent at earning money for his chores.
Most my gal cousins and I had crushes on the quiet boys- usually the very nerdy ones with glasses. There were about 20 of us all around the same age.. I think there could be a pattern at least amongst us with shy quiet studious lookin boys!
I had a crush on a boy in my class named Steve. He was nerdy and was the smartest kid in the class, could draw, and was outdoorsy. I bought a garter snake off him for a quarter because I wanted him to like me (well, and because I liked snakes.) My mother nearly had a heart attack when I brought it home.
Anyway, he ended up not going to college, working at Target, and getting arrested for stealing money from a local little league. So I guess I dodged that bullet!
False, especially for 10-15 year old guys, but also for adult men. Having attractive facial features is really the most important physical quality to most guys. This is also why being skinny is very important for women. If a woman is fat, guys can not see her true facial features, because they're hidden beneath rolls of flab. So even though fat women have large breasts, guys have zero interest in them.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That was the sole criteria..... so even though I didn't know him or even think he was cute I decided I would keep him on the "back burner" since he was at least interested in me. Ah, the good old days - LOL!
