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Not sure if this is the right forum, but it addresses what school boys/young men seem be initially drawn to in the opposite sex (whether it's nature or nurture).
My boys have school crushes which is cute, and illuminating, and sometimes disturbing. Not looking for parenting advice, just sharing what I see while observing 12-15 year old boys in action... A lot of this is obvious stuff, but interesting how it starts so early and may reflect some universal truths.
Caveat - My boys know I can and will read texts, and they are pretty comfortable being open and honest about these matters with me; however, their judgment is currently being clouded by hormones - some maturity is bound to come. Also, I am basing my observations on a small sampling of males (e.g. maybe 50 kids in one geographic locale).
Some things I've observed:
- The boys like "the really pretty, quiet ones" - Example: My 12 y.o. and his friends have a major crush on "Emma." I asked 5 of the boys (in the car) why they like her so much, and they said "because she is very pretty, with long pretty hair, and also she doesn't talk too much." LMAO... I said, "that's important, huh?" Yes, they said the quiet ones were the most attractive.
- The boys care about level of intelligence (or lack thereof). They are not so much concerned about high IQ, though my sons have bragged that girls they like are pretty and smart. But I did read a large group chat where boys (not mine) were addressing the likelihood they can convince some of the "dumber" girls to "do kissing and stuff with them." Needless to say, we had a long discussion on that one.
- They work in teams. Nothing new here. They are developing elaborate systems of alphas, betas, wingmen... The "friend-zoned" boys (and girls) are told to set-up their friends with the "alpha" boys. They copy private texts and then dissect the texts in group chat to come up with approaches (game) for convincing girl to go out with them, sometimes involving lying, e.g. "Just tell her you like her, so that you can make out at Maggie's party, then break up with her Monday." Yes, we've also discussed this.
- There doesn't seem to be much interest in a girls' classes or extracurriculars, except for sports. They seem to be in particular awe of the pretty female athlete. They describe girls as "that tall hot volleyball player who spikes" or "that little hot gymnast who does a 720 double cork flip" or that "hot blond who runs the 5 minute mile." Yes, they keep the stats.
- They care greatly about number of other "boyfriends" a girl has had. E.g. According to the boys, girls who were once popular with boys start losing status if they "liked" too many other boys. Texts from their friends read "I used to like her until she dated 2-3 boys in a row in 8th grade..."
- Getting a girl/boy is highly competitive sport. E.g. Several boys raced to open the school door for Emma, and my son was mad that "Jake" pushed him out of the way to get there first - lol. Boys also tried to outdo each on Valentine's Day gifts to Emma (you know, the pretty girl who doesn't talk much). Also, once a boy has a girl who likes him, other girls will then become more attracted to him and compete much more for him, sometimes viciously.
- The athlete or obnoxious class clown gets the girl (as does sometimes the boy who ignores or is rude to the girl). Again, nothing new here. The class clown gets the girls, so they are therefore spurred to be even more inappropriately comical during class (unfortunately, this often seems to be my son - we're working on it).
So these are some of my observations from my current journey of raising young men (a species I knew little about - I came from an all-girl family)... Any other observations?
Mine is only 10, but he describes his crush as "so pretty and nice." He occasionally calls her "really smart" but always "pretty and nice." (She's a very sweet girl and I'm pleased he likes her.) Incidentally, she's not conventionally pretty, definitely not one of the tanned beachy girls that are easily picked out of the crowd as the heartbreakers.
Awesome parenting skills, OP! Ah, yes, the pretty, long-haired girls. Been there, crushed on that. And I remember the buzz in college was that you tell a woman you love her if you want to get her to have sex. Not cool, and kinda dumb. In view of how many dudes struck out, it's clear it doesn't work with a lot of women.
Sounds like not a lot has changed over generations, except maybe for the "smart" part. Good luck. Seems like you're off to a good start.
Not sure if this is the right forum, but it addresses what school boys/young men seem be initially drawn to in the opposite sex (whether it's nature or nurture).
My boys have school crushes which is cute, and illuminating, and sometimes disturbing. Not looking for parenting advice, just sharing what I see while observing 12-15 year old boys in action... A lot of this is obvious stuff, but interesting how it starts so early and may reflect some universal truths.
Caveat - My boys know I can and will read texts, and they are pretty comfortable being open and honest about these matters with me; however, their judgment is currently being clouded by hormones - some maturity is bound to come. Also, I am basing my observations on a small sampling of males (e.g. maybe 50 kids in one geographic locale).
Some things I've observed:
- The boys like "the really pretty, quiet ones" - Example: My 12 y.o. and his friends have a major crush on "Emma." I asked 5 of the boys (in the car) why they like her so much, and they said "because she is very pretty, with long pretty hair, and also she doesn't talk too much." LMAO... I said, "that's important, huh?" Yes, they said the quiet ones were the most attractive.
- The boys care about level of intelligence (or lack thereof). They are not so much concerned about high IQ, though my sons have bragged that girls they like are pretty and smart. But I did read a large group chat where boys (not mine) were addressing the likelihood they can convince some of the "dumber" girls to "do kissing and stuff with them." Needless to say, we had a long discussion on that one.
- They work in teams. Nothing new here. They are developing elaborate systems of alphas, betas, wingmen... The "friend-zoned" boys (and girls) are told to set-up their friends with the "alpha" boys. They copy private texts and then dissect the texts in group chat to come up with approaches (game) for convincing girl to go out with them, sometimes involving lying, e.g. "Just tell her you like her, so that you can make out at Maggie's party, then break up with her Monday." Yes, we've also discussed this.
- There doesn't seem to be much interest in a girls' classes or extracurriculars, except for sports. They seem to be in particular awe of the pretty female athlete. They describe girls as "that tall hot volleyball player who spikes" or "that little hot gymnast who does a 720 double cork flip" or that "hot blond who runs the 5 minute mile." Yes, they keep the stats.
- They care greatly about number of other "boyfriends" a girl has had. E.g. According to the boys, girls who were once popular with boys start losing status if they "liked" too many other boys. Texts from their friends read "I used to like her until she dated 2-3 boys in a row in 8th grade..."
- Getting a girl/boy is highly competitive sport. E.g. Several boys raced to open the school door for Emma, and my son was mad that "Jake" pushed him out of the way to get there first - lol. Boys also tried to outdo each on Valentine's Day gifts to Emma (you know, the pretty girl who doesn't talk much). Also, once a boy has a girl who likes him, other girls will then become more attracted to him and compete much more for him, sometimes viciously.
- The athlete or obnoxious class clown gets the girl (as does sometimes the boy who ignores or is rude to the girl). Again, nothing new here. The class clown gets the girls, so they are therefore spurred to be even more inappropriately comical during class (unfortunately, this often seems to be my son - we're working on it).
So these are some of my observations from my current journey of raising young men (a species I knew little about - I came from an all-girl family)... Any other observations?
It starts when we/they find a girl who is attractive to us/them.
That's all there is to it. Once a guy deems a girl attractive enough for him then he will start basing everything she does as "amazing" or "unique" compared to other girls, because they simply find her attractive/pretty. What your son(s) are doing is actually a bad thing in my opinion. They seem to be basically obsessed with this girl and doing everything they can to get her, it might be cute now but later on it's going to seriously hurt them.
Yeah it's the big boobs. Teenage boys ain't connecting on any deep level here brah.
IDK about now, but when I was 12, there were hardly any girls with big boobs. Mostly the attention was about cute faces and long hair. I've heard 12-year-old girls are different now. Even 10-year-old girls! Hard to get my mind around that.
Actually, I've never been a big boob guy. I'm more of a face, leg, and but man. I enjoy a good, slim figure.
I don't do cottage cheese thighs and bubble butts. I like them firm. Boobs, more then a handful is a waste
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