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I'm 18 years old, and I have a brother who is 29.
My brother has been dating a 29-year-old girl for the last 10 months.
He introduced me to her after they've been dating for 2 months. The first time he introduced her to me, I was very shy (which I am by nature, but especially so around her). After a few more meets I had gotten used to her and was very comfortable.
So every time we meet up (me, my brother, and her; never without my brother), we usually go to the movies, or a museum, or some other recreation, and it usually occupies most of the day's time.
So as time went on, and as I've been seeing her exponentially more and more the last few months, I began to develop feelings for her. I think it's because she had shown me the female companionship/affection I've been longing for through my teenage years.
For the last few weeks, I've been having trouble sleeping and eating. I keep thinking about her. She's in my dreams every other night, and, as selfish as it seems, I just wish to wake up and see her face lying next to mine.
I do have regards for my brother; I know it's his lady. But I just can't help feel the way I do about her. I know I've fallen in love and it's not just some crush that goes away after a couple of weeks. I know this because, when I think about her, I never think about sex. Though she is physically attractive, I have no lust for this woman.
The most painful thing is watching her kiss my brother in front of me. It just tears me up inside. I have to listen to music for hours to vent out my frustration. I also hate the way she looks at me like some kind of younger brother. Ugh .
So what do you guys think I should do? Should I just keep these feelings to myself forever? I REALLY want to let them out; holding her hand and looking into her deep blue eyes as I spill my guts... but I have a feeling like I'll get rejected, and everything will be awkward. I mean, thinking about it, she won't just dump my brother like that. But, sigh. I don't know. She's so affectionate to me. Kissing me on the cheek during the hello's and goodbye's, running her fingers through my hair, hugging me. I just want to be with her.
So....
keep these feelings bottled up inside, or confess and take a risk of rejection and eternal awkwardness between us?
Stop hanging out with the two of them immediately. Do you have plans to go to college? The best thing you can do is just get out and be with people your own age.
it's a crush, a very normal crush, but it would be good for you to focus on your own life and your own friends and put some distance between being around the two of them. There is no future in this and you have a life of your own to pursue, with your own friends and girls and activities. NOT YOUR BROTHER'S.
Also any affection she is showing you is she considers you a family member of her sweetheart, and she wants him to know she values a harmonious relationship with ALL his family members, the affection is not towards you as a boyfriend or lover or male person.
if you don't like the word "crush" think "obsession" either way NO FUTURE, DO NOT GO THERE
Stop hanging out with the two of them immediately. Do you have plans to go to college? The best thing you can do is just get out and be with people your own age.
Yes, but not until next fall.
My feelings for her are already etched out in stone. I can't just let it go, and avoid her forever. Besides, my brother will take her to our home for dinner one in a while.
Please understand my situation, though I see what you're trying to say.
it's a crush, a very normal crush, but it would be good for you to focus on your own life and your own friends and put some distance between being around the two of them. There is no future in this and you have a life of your own to pursue, with your own friends and girls and activities. NOT YOUR BROTHER'S.
Also any affection she is showing you is she considers you a family member of her sweetheart, and she wants him to know she values a harmonious relationship with ALL his family members, the affection is not towards you as a boyfriend or lover or male person.
Crushes come and go. Unfortunately, I don't see this one leaving.
Go out and find yourself your own woman, leave your brothers alone. Thats what you should do, if not plan for a lot of trouble in your life.
If I confess, I don't see her really just standing up and leaving, or laughing, or anything else. If she rejects me (which is the probability) she'll probably just lecture me on how it won't work out. That's the kind of person she is. As for my brother, I don't think he'll get mad. Maybe just annoyed.
My feelings for her are already etched out in stone. I can't just let it go, and avoid her forever. Besides, my brother will take her to our home for dinner one in a while.
It's one thing to be around her with other family members present for holiday gatherings. It's another to be around them kissing and touching. You know the difference, you know your motives. If you're this absorbed in the woman, it is an obsession, and that is not healthy, for either you or your relations with your brother. Ask a counselor for their input.
Don't do it- you'll just create a very embarassing situation for yourself. Even if she wasn't your brother's girlfriend, she is eleven years older than you- that's a massive age difference right now.
Keep your distance for the time being and most important, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. She could be the woman of you brother's dreams and you don't want to make waves for them- she could be around for the rest of your life- as your brother's wife, as the mother of your future nieces and nephews. The last thing you want is to feel uncomfortable because you made a move on her.
I promise you, there is a girl for you out there. Go find her.
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