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Another thread got me thinking. I don't think I've fallen for a friend after knowing them a long time. But I had it happen to 2 of my friends towards me.
First example, I met a girl though a group of friends. She immediately dated one of my friends. We hung out and got along great. They broke up. But we stayed friends. We had a lot of fun together. We never decided to date or talked about that. This went on for a few years. Then out of the blue, we were sitting across from each other and she said she was in love with me.
Another friend I met at a bar. We were playing pool and talking, having a good time. I liked her. We hung out. I went in for a kiss and she rejected me. We became friends and hung out for 4 years. One day out of the blue, she asked if she could be my girlfriend.
Both times I wasn't interested. I guess I moved on.
So, I don't get it. No dating. Such a long time knowing each other and they want to go from friends to "in love" or "girlfriend". Not, "do you want to go on a date?"
Does anyone know why this is? How can people go from a few years of friendship to wanting something pretty serious, without any indication to me that this is developing? I have just one theory, but I want to hear other peoples opinions.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,081,348 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by kat949
Because you've earned their trust.
Some people really do prefer friends first.
Indeed, as do I. Some prefer to date people they don't know, and then they get issues about, do I know this person well enough to kiss them on a first date. I want to be friends for months or years first, then explore how we feel. If they only want to be friends, hopefully we can continue with friendship.
Exactly, I agree. That's why I want a relationship to come from a platonic friendship instead of from dates.
Let's hope the women you make friends with feel the same way about relationships. Otherwise, the relationship probably won't make it passed platonic friendship.
Another thread got me thinking. I don't think I've fallen for a friend after knowing them a long time. But I had it happen to 2 of my friends towards me.
First example, I met a girl though a group of friends. She immediately dated one of my friends. We hung out and got along great. They broke up. But we stayed friends. We had a lot of fun together. We never decided to date or talked about that. This went on for a few years. Then out of the blue, we were sitting across from each other and she said she was in love with me.
Another friend I met at a bar. We were playing pool and talking, having a good time. I liked her. We hung out. I went in for a kiss and she rejected me. We became friends and hung out for 4 years. One day out of the blue, she asked if she could be my girlfriend.
Both times I wasn't interested. I guess I moved on.
So, I don't get it. No dating. Such a long time knowing each other and they want to go from friends to "in love" or "girlfriend". Not, "do you want to go on a date?"
Does anyone know why this is? How can people go from a few years of friendship to wanting something pretty serious, without any indication to me that this is developing? I have just one theory, but I want to hear other peoples opinions.
Men usually develop infatuation with a woman fairly quickly. For women, it can brew for a long time, and finally come to a head when it combines with opportunity.
I'm not saying guys can't fall for a longtime female friend, but in that case, usually, he's been attracted to her for a long time, but did not pursue her, either because he felt the interest wasn't mutual, or he or she (or both) were in relationships, they were never single at the same time, etc.
This can happen with women, too, but it seems more common that a woman who sees a man as "just a friend" develops an honest to goodness attraction to him over time. Women also seem slightly better at not allowing themselves to develop feelings for a guy who is not available (others flock to these guys, everyone is different), but the moment he is - BAM! she's into him.
Well, although it wasn't called "dating" at the time, if you spent time with them as friends, that in some sense probably substituted for dating.
It seems that in cases where longtime friends enter a relationship, things move more quickly, since you already know each other. This can mean it burns out faster, too, or if it does lead to marriage or an LTR, that can happen faster. Sex probably comes quicker too, but I wouldn't know that myself.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,081,348 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moe'sTavern
Let's hope the women you make friends with feel the same way about relationships. Otherwise, the relationship probably won't make it passed platonic friendship.
Yes. But don't forget I'm not making friends with people for romantic purposes. The friendship is just a normal platonic friendship. And later, I either develop feelings or I don't.
Because it is easier to fall in love with a friend than it is to become a friend with someone you love.
Friends are great people to fall in love with, it makes sense. You already know them, you know you're compatible. As long as the feeling's mutual, it's a great idea.
Indeed, as do I. Some prefer to date people they don't know, and then they get issues about, do I know this person well enough to kiss them on a first date. I want to be friends for months or years first, then explore how we feel. If they only want to be friends, hopefully we can continue with friendship.
And friendships are very non-commital- meaning, if the person of interest finds someone more compatible, then both parties can still wish each other luck in hoping to find someone who's really a great fit. I like the friendship route, I just haven't had that kind of friendship, but I prefer meeting guys who take it casually slow at first as friends instead of "wham bam thank you ma'am!!" What the hell. And they want it so fast like a McDonald's drive through.
Friendship first is innocent and you're truly watching out for the person's best interest, in the end.
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