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The only thing I would have a problem with if I was your boyfriend is this. I don't get this female mindset of making the "nice guy" wait, but letting the guy you really don't like hit it quickly. Did he find out before or after yall got together, that you "dated" somebody he knew?
All joking aside, I don't get it either, but not for the reasons you might think. If a guy is going to write a woman off for sleeping with him "too soon," he's not a nice guy at all.
Therefore, my take is to sleep with someone when I want to sleep with him. And if he thinks I'm somehow "tainted" because we slept together "early" by some arbitrary standard in his mind, then he's not the kind of man worthy of me. If sleeping with a man makes a woman dirty, then that man must be dirt.
Thanks for everyone's comments and suggestions. I think we're going to break up because he wants to break up. I quoted the part above because I actually tried to explain it to him like that. Problem is he freaked at that. He doesn't want to be the relationship guy who has to wait and he doesn't want to be with a girl that does that. I am like so depressed today.
As for him being immature and all that, whatever. I don't see him like that. It's more that he sees himself as I guess a sucker like some people said here whereas the other guy who's running his mouth "got it" no problem.
I think that was part of the problem because it was not 100% honest and if a woman said that to me, I would know straight away it was perceived as bs by myself. If you were brutally honest, Lilac110'scomment is where it's at and that is precisely why so few are honest. The truth is likely to lose you what you desire so people either lie or try to make it sound more palatable.
Lilac110'scomment was..
Quote:
try to accept that some guys are for screwing and tossing aside, and some guys are relationship material.
That is the brutal truth but how many women would ever tell the guy they were taking it slowly with something like that?
All joking aside, I don't get it either, but not for the reasons you might think. If a guy is going to write a woman off for sleeping with him "too soon," he's not a nice guy at all.
Therefore, my take is to sleep with someone when I want to sleep with him. And if he thinks I'm somehow "tainted" because we slept together "early" by some arbitrary standard in his mind, then he's not the kind of man worthy of me. If sleeping with a man makes a woman dirty, then that man must be dirt.
I get what you're saying and I agree, but you'd be surprised at how many times over the yrs I've heard guys say exact thing and either dump her on not be with her at all.
The guys that are relationship material (and who are wise to this) can and will do better than be with a woman that screws and tosses aside the guy that was not relationship material,
Not really, no. In the real world, mature adults understand that what makes a person relationship material goes beyond their sexual behavior, number of partners, or how quickly they sleep with them or someone else. Indeed, mature adults don't pry the way the OP's boyfriend did, because they respect boundaries.
I do not reveal to partner A how quickly I slept with partner B because that is between partner B and me, and I respect partner B's privacy as well as my own. I'm not going to blab B's business. Likewise, if and when A and I break up, I would expect that A would keep the details of his sex life with me to himself and not tell his next girlfriend, either.
But you can be as one-dimensional as you want and believe what you like. Just remember that when you feel it's your right to pry into your partner's past for gory details, should you ever part ways, that partner will be talking about you, and you don't get to be embarrassed or complain if word gets around town that you have a small peen or are a premature ejaculator or something.
So....what I got out of this thread is that if a woman likes a guy, she'll string him along for a good long while...but if she doesn't feel anything for a guy, she'll drop her pants at the first opportunity...
I think that was part of the problem because it was not 100% honest and if a woman said that to me, I would know straight away it was perceived as bs by myself. If you were brutally honest, Lilac110'scomment is where it's at and that is precisely why so few are honest. The truth is likely to lose you what you desire so people either lie or try to make it sound more palatable.
Lilac110'scomment was..
Quote:
try to accept that some guys are for screwing and tossing aside, and some guys are relationship material.
That is the brutal truth but how many women would ever tell the guy they were taking it slowly with something like that?
Honestly I think a good proportion (but not all) guys would be perfectly fine with that level of bluntness as long as the girl wasn't doing what the OP was doing -- i.e. playing it slow with them while rushing with the throwaway.
Guys broadly come in three flavors:
a) traditional ones who aren't okay with a girl who puts out too fast for anyone (rarer these days but still in existence)
b) hypocritical ones who don't want a girl who puts out too fast for others but are fine with it with them
c) modern ones who are fine with it generally
None of these flavors likes it when a girl puts out quickly for other guys and then makes them wait, and if it goes on too long it will 100% kill a relationship. Being honest about the reasoning doesn't fix the problem unless the behavior has been fixed as well. It neither makes things better nor worse.
I get what you're saying and I agree, but you'd be surprised at how many times over the yrs I've heard guys say exact thing and either dump her on not be with her at all.
More times than I can actually remember...
What boggles my mind is apart from knowing a guy she'd been with before, how on earth can you ever know how many people your partner has been with, and how quickly they slept together? I don't think people need to have these conversations in the first place. Nothing good comes of it other than someone trying to claim some weird moral high ground when they're simply being hypocritical.
But the double standard is amazing to me, that and how anxious some are to assign good and bad labels to others. So much judgment. So much.
I get what you're saying and I agree, but you'd be surprised at how many times over the yrs I've heard guys say exact thing and either dump her on not be with her at all.
More times than I can actually remember...
If two people get along well, enjoy each other's company, and have a lot in common, it's not going to matter how quickly they sleep together. They'll want to be together regardless, and they aren't going to give too much of a hoot about previous SOs. Real, honest love and compatibility are difficult enough to find that smart people with any adult relationship experience at all aren't going to make an issue over how fast someone else slept with their partner.
What boggles my mind is apart from knowing a guy she'd been with before, how on earth can you ever know how many people your partner has been with, and how quickly they slept together?
Worrying about such things is generally the province of the young and inexperienced. Can you imagine two people much over the age of 25 asking questions like that of each other? Or in their 30s? Or 40s? I'm 47. I'd probably laugh my arse off if anyone asked me that stuff now.
Exactly! The BF needs to walk into the next therapists office, so he can get some counselling for his self esteem issues. The OP needs to walk away from her ex to get herself a real man.
I think the guy who has high self esteem will have higher standards. It's funny how I always see such standards labelled as being insecure or from having low self esteem. I certainly wouldn't waste a second with a woman who had jumped into bed with some idiot without a thought, but everyone is free to do as they wish. I'm sure there are plenty of guys that wouldn't care.
The bf does not need theraphy for having a preference that holds his gf accountable to her choices. So your idea of a real man is someone that wouldn't care that his gf slept with someone she barely knew or liked as opposed to taking the time to see if it was a good decision
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