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Worrying about such things is generally the province of the young and inexperienced. Can you imagine two people much over the age of 25 asking questions like that of each other? Or in their 30s? Or 40s? I'm 47. I'd probably laugh my arse off if anyone asked me that stuff now.
Yeah you're 100% right about people asking but at the same time people tend to meet people through their extended social circles and it's generally a small world out there even in major cities as far as degrees of social separation for the people you'd be likely to date, and it's pretty common for people to find out about other people's history through mutual friends and acquaintances.
Worrying about such things is generally the province of the young and inexperienced. Can you imagine two people much over the age of 25 asking questions like that of each other? Or in their 30s? Or 40s? I'm 47. I'd probably laugh my arse off if anyone asked me that stuff now.
I'm 42 and I feel the same as you. Laughing while showing the guy the door.
I think the guy who has high self esteem will have higher standards. It's funny how I always see such standards labelled as being insecure or from having low self esteem. I certainly wouldn't waste a second with a woman who had jumped into bed with some idiot without a thought, but everyone is free to do as they wish. I'm sure there are plenty of guys that wouldn't care.
The bf does not need theraphy for having a preference that holds his gf accountable to her choices. So your idea of a real man is someone that wouldn't care that his gf slept with someone she barely knew or liked as opposed to taking the time to see if it was a good decision
A guy with high self-esteem will know that he's better than the guy who came before and would know that any woman with a brain in her head would see that, too, so it would be a moot point and unnecessary to discuss. He'd be comfortable enough in his skin not to feel compelled to make the comparison in the first place. He simply wouldn't worry about it.
But beyond that, a good man is not someone who belittles or shames people for making different choices than he did. Likewise, he understands that for good or ill, people change over the years, and it has nothing to do with morals and everything to do with their circumstances in life and their own life experiences.
And finally, the point is she doesn't have to be "accountable" to him. She didn't know him at the time, she wasn't dating him at the time, she owes him nothing but what she chooses to give of herself now. If love, loyalty, and partnership are not enough for him, and he's hung up on some other guy's dick, in plain English, he's got issues, big time.
The bf does not need theraphy for having a preference that holds his gf accountable to her choices. So your idea of a real man is someone that wouldn't care that his gf slept with someone she barely knew or liked as opposed to taking the time to see if it was a good decision
I could be wrong, but I think the the boyfriend was not mad that she slept with the other guy too soon, I think his issue was that it took longer for her to sleep with the boyfriend. I wonder if he would have been okay with her sleeping with the other guy if she had slept with the boyfriend right away too. That is what is sound like.
OP, ask him how many women he has slept with. How long did he wait to sleep with them. Ask him if he gets off on porn. If he is going to give you a hard time, maybe you can do the same.
I am guessing you guys are like 19/20? When you get older things like this won't be such an issue.
I just went back and reread your first post. You guys have only been together less than 6 months? That is a very short time, and you should probably wait before you move in with him.
Alas, not every woman thinks like you and me, and some will just flat-out lie--and these jokers will then wonder why.
All I know is that merely asking is a red flag to me, because asking is pretty much a sign that a guy is a tool.
He didn't ask. He found out and THEN he started asking stuff. He's not a tool.
I know I came here for advice and you are 42 and have lots of life experience and all that but you come across as being really against my guy. He's not insecure or a tool or whatever you called him. He's actually a pretty decent man who I don't want to lose.
Also your comment about him not having self esteem cause he would see that he's better than the other guy and it wouldn't matter to him. Huh? For sure he sees that he's better than the douche and that is exactly why he's weirded out. It speaks to my action not his. Like as in why did I do it with a douche to begin with? That's what I need to get over.
So all this stuff about therapy and insecurity and red flags ewverywhere doesn't help. I know it's your opinionand everyone has one, but I cant's see how these views would help any girl who's made a few wrong turns. I don't mena this to be a rant it's just how I feel right now.
So your idea of a real man is someone that wouldn't care that his gf slept with someone she barely knew or liked as opposed to taking the time to see if it was a good decision
A real man doesn't need to ask such a question. He has no interest in any guy before him, because he has self esteem and a personality of high value. He is unconcerned with his image. He just goes about winning the game at hand, whatever it may be. He doesn't need to build himself up by tearing people down. He simply knows that he is the best man his woman will ever be with.
@OP: congrats for breaking up with your ex. Wise decision!
I could be wrong, but I think the the boyfriend was not mad that she slept with the other guy too soon, I think his issue was that it took longer for her to sleep with the boyfriend. I wonder if he would have been okay with her sleeping with the other guy if she had slept with the boyfriend right away too. That is what is sound like.
OP, ask him how many women he has slept with. How long did he wait to sleep with them. Ask him if he gets off on porn. If he is going to give you a hard time, maybe you can do the same.
I am guessing you guys are like 19/20? When you get older things like this won't be such an issue.
I just went back and reread your first post. You guys have only been together less than 6 months? That is a very short time, and you should probably wait before you move in with him.
He's 26 (almost 27 actually) and I'm 28.
Also, what does him looking at porn have to do with anything? Huh? Every guy does that. Why would I want to give him a hard time? Huh?
He didn't ask. He found out and THEN he started asking stuff. He's not a tool.
I know I came here for advice and you are 42 and have lots of life experience and all that but you come across as being really against my guy. He's not insecure or a tool or whatever you called him. He's actually a pretty decent man who I don't want to lose.
Also your comment about him not having self esteem cause he would see that he's better than the other guy and it wouldn't matter to him. Huh? For sure he sees that he's better than the douche and that is exactly why he's weirded out. It speaks to my action not his. Like as in why did I do it with a douche to begin with? That's what I need to get over.
So all this stuff about therapy and insecurity and red flags ewverywhere doesn't help. I know it's your opinionand everyone has one, but I cant's see how these views would help any girl who's made a few wrong turns. I don't mena this to be a rant it's just how I feel right now.
hmm, I have to correct myself. You might need some therapy, too.
Also, what does him looking at porn have to do with anything? Huh? Every guy does that. Why would I want to give him a hard time? Huh?
Because he is giving you a hard time over something you did before you were with him.
I thought you guys were much younger based on how immature your boyfriend is acting.
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