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Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish
I'm older than dirt and never tried to establish a relationship via text, so take this advice with that in mind. However, I do have both a son and daughter your age, and they discuss their social lives with me, so I'm not hopelessly out of touch.
If you were my son, I would advise you to call her up on the phone and ask her out on a proper date. By "proper date" (in case you don't know), that means having something specific in mind (simple is just fine), specifying the date and time, giving her at least 2 or 3 days advance notice, and offering to pick her up and of course, to treat her.
Your text exchange just sounds too casual and vague for a girl to take you seriously. Texting women at the last minute isn't a winning strategy for a busy working woman past college age, IMO. Be a man with a plan. Make her take notice of you. Close the sale by asking for a yes or no. Then you'll have your answer and you won't be left wondering.
My daughter is 2 years out of university and I can tell you, for sure, that she gets proper dates invitations often enough to render the texting only dudes as second tier. Hiding behind texts makes you look like you are afraid to talk to her directly.
Try it and see what happens.
Im with Butterflyfish.
You werent on a date or anything, just hanging out. I guess its easier to feel confident in a group, especially if a relative is part of the group.
You are not going to develop anything meaningful by text - its about as anti-personal as you can get. Probably not going to produce any "Hallmark" moments.
There is always the possibility that she saw 'the event' as being just her asking a platonic friend for a drug hookup. Its you that wants it to signify more?
Relationships are like learning how to ride a bicycle. You fall down, you get back up, dust yourself off, and try again. Most of us eventually get the hang of it.
Just curious, is it possible that you did or said something while 'trashed' that was a big turn off for her?
There is also the possibility that she has seen or knows - and likes your brother. If you are not going to ask her on a real date, dont contact her anymore.
You are second guessing yourself and the situation, reading between the lines and feeling vulnerable BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER.
First of all, she was getting high at 4am. So at 11am she was probably still asleep.
Second of all, if you are used to a group environment and this is the first time you've seen each other away from that, and now she's SINGLE, yeah, the energy and dynamic is going to feel different.
Lots of other point I could make. But maybe the most important one is this: You don't need to avoid her like the plaque. You asked her to hang out - which could be read as "I happen to b e in town and you're somebody I know who happens to live here…" You didn't profess undying love. You didn't put yourself out there in such a way as to embarrass yourself. You DIDN"T go into her restaurant. Maybe she's reading into that.
You are second guessing yourself and the situation, reading between the lines and feeling vulnerable BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER.
First of all, she was getting high at 4am. So at 11am she was probably still asleep.
Second of all, if you are used to a group environment and this is the first time you've seen each other away from that, and now she's SINGLE, yeah, the energy and dynamic is going to feel different.
Lots of other point I could make. But maybe the most important one is this: You don't need to avoid her like the plaque. You asked her to hang out - which could be read as "I happen to b e in town and you're somebody I know who happens to live here…" You didn't profess undying love. You didn't put yourself out there in such a way as to embarrass yourself. You DIDN"T go into her restaurant. Maybe she's reading into that.
Just be chill about it.
yeah like I said, compiling all the possibilities, there seems like a million things i did/didnt do that could have thrown her off. not going into her restaurant etc. Maybe the fact that i was texted her to go get food and didnt call threw her off. who knows man
I didnt profess my love to her, I didnt make it actually known that i want to be with her. But...I guess i thought she kind of knew i liked her from our past meet ups. Which makes me question my communication with women. I always felt like i did a decent amount of flirting and showing her i was interested. I guess i assumed this meet up would just make everything fall into place kind of.
If the shoe was on the other foot, and she had texted me around that time to go eat, id go out of my way to meet up with her. And if i was too passed out to reply, id definetley hit her back up apologizing for missing her invite.
I'll try to keep it short and simple as best as I can.
I became friends with a group of people who I knew through other friends. One of these people was a girl who seemed to show interest in me from day one. She was taken, but over the few times we hung out over the summer I noticed things about her that gave me signs she was into me. nothing inappropriate happened, but the last time I noticed a girl acting the way she did, she ended up wanting to hook up with me. So I was fairly confident that I could get this girl if she was single.
Well...fast forward a few months. She apparently broke up with her boyfriend. Not only that, but she moved to a town where my brother goes to school 30 minutes away. I decided to hit her up on facebook. The jist of the convo consist of me hearing where she moved too and we should chill.
She replied with "most definetley! heres my number and hit me up when youre here ". She also told me to let her know if i know anyone with weed around her area. i dont smoke weed, but i knew where to get it there. Overall I was feeling pretty good about this. I was gonna come through, chill with my brother, invite her to chill and we could hang out. It seemed like it was falling into my lap perfectly.
Well I get to town around 7 pm and text her "yooooo its brad, whatcha doin?" she replies "might be napping cuz i have work at 12. haha dont judge!". I was a little disappointed to hear that, but i let her know my brother and his friends got a lot of weed a little while ago and if she needed any to lemme know. She said yeah and asked if she could see me before work. I agreed.
I went outside of my brothers place to meet her. We hugged, she asked me how I was doing etc etc. She said she works at the restaurant right in front of my bros place, and mentioned that i should stop through tonight if were not busy and said we definetly need to chill next time.
We ended up getting really trashed, and I felt like id come off as too...pushy...to just come to her restaurant. So we ended up going to the bars for a bit and going back to the house. She texted me at 4am saying thanks for helping her out. I said np im glad you can get high! and she replied "yepp gonna get stoned haha".
I passed out 15 minutes later. I woke up around 11 am and asked if she wanted to get something to eat. And I have yet to get a response. Seeing its been all day i doubt i will. And that moment is what disappointed me. I put myself out there, I was incredibly confident in the situation, more than ive been in many, and it was like...I was completely delusional. All the other times we saw each other seemed more...special. Like I could really feel a connection. But it didnt feel that way this time. I was completly curved by someone who i thought was at least a good friend.
I'm can list all the possible factors that could have caused this. I can list all the reasons as to why she didnt respond to me or things felt so cold. This was our first one on one interaction in all honesty. I mean...we have had one on one interaction, but it was always within group activities like music festivals. And although she gave me her number and said she was down to chill...the vibe didnt feel so welcoming when I was there. And I thought we were at least good enough friends for her to provide a response of some kind.
I guess when it comes down to it, I came on too strong, and clearly was more into her than she was me. I clearly miss read signs and actions that lead me to believe she had an attraction to me. I know this happens to everyone, but I really dislike dealing with this. Making myself vulnerable in this sense and being rejected is still an incredibly tough pill for me to swallow...I am trying not to dwell on this but it has put a damper on my mood...
I could think of a few ways to say you're wrong. She gave me her number before she knew i had weed or knew anyone with it, she had work at 12 etc etc.
But you know what? you could be completly right. And that sucks. Becuase i seriously considerd her one of the coolest girls ive met in awhile. I always enjoyed being around her and thought she felt the same. She didnt seem like that at all...and it truly sucks to feel so deceived.
I could think of a few ways to say you're wrong. She gave me her number before she knew i had weed or knew anyone with it, she had work at 12 etc etc.
But you know what? you could be completly right. And that sucks. Becuase i seriously considerd her one of the coolest girls ive met in awhile. I always enjoyed being around her and thought she felt the same. She didnt seem like that at all...and it truly sucks to feel so deceived.
She gave you her number, knowing she works right across the street from your brother; then she knew she had an "in". Because her very next text asked you if you could help her score. I assure you that's not the first thing I would ask a guy I'm interested in.
Basically, weed meant more to her than you. Is that what you really want? A stoner who only cares about getting high?
She gave you her number, knowing she works right across the street from your brother; then she knew she had an "in". Because her very next text asked you if you could help her score. I assure you that's not the first thing I would ask a guy I'm interested in.
Basically, weed meant more to her than you. Is that what you really want? A stoner who only cares about getting high?
she didnt know my brother lived behind the restaurant until she came to the parking lot outside my brothers apartment. she never met my brother before. just gettin your facts straight
she didnt know my brother lived behind the restaurant until she came to the parking lot outside my brothers apartment. she never met my brother before. just gettin your facts straight
She still asked you to score her some weed in one of her first texts to you, did she not?
She is a stoner. Good luck with that.
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". She also told me to let her know if i know anyone with weed around her area. i dont smoke weed, but i knew where to get it there. Overall I was feeling pretty good about this. I was gonna come through, chill with my brother, invite her to chill and we could hang out. It seemed like it was falling into my lap perfectly.
