Guys have trouble getting a first date; girls have trouble getting past a few dates? (wives, woman)
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It seems to me that women have it much easier in every aspect of dating, whereas it is more difficult for men in general (if you are not a GQ model).
^^truth!^^
After being let down so many times and being put through the wringer, I'm finally starting to learn to put the ball in the woman's court. I try to approach or initiate first, and then I see if they will come to me from there. You waste too much time trying to court a woman that is not even interested from the start, but they will lead you on just for the attention. My strategy help weed those rotten ones out
I think that's true in the States at least. I went on a lot of first dates where I thought things went well only to be shut down when I suggested another meeting. Women seem to write you off for the most trivial things and assume that if there isn't chemistry in a two hour meeting with a complete stranger then there's no chance of things ever working. I've always approached things in a less sudden death manner and unless I absolutely can't stand her, I'm usually open to meeting a few times before cutting my losses.
Here in Russia I've had the exact opposite happen. I've gone on dates where things seemed to be going fairly badly, including overestimating each others' ability to communicate in our counterparts' language prior to meeting, yet still I usually have no trouble getting another date if I ask. Maybe they're trying to just get dinner out of me but I sorta feel that they are more willing to get to know a guy past the initial impression.
And if you come off as desperate, not cool. I don't want you because you're desperate for a man. I want you because you are into who I am, and not what I can do for you.
Yes, desperation is not cool from either side. Persistence can work if they turn you down a few times. But if you call and text someone everyday, that will scare them off. Until you get an absolute "no", I say go for it.
Usually, what I've found, is that I am mystified by most women on the first few dates. Then some red flags start going up, and I will let them know that it was fun but I wasn't into a serious relationship with them. Now, if we have a ton in common, do things together that we both have fun doing, she doesn't tell me her car is broken down with no money to fix it, or that the reason she didn't contact me was because she was broke and couldn't afford minutes, then we can continue. When she says, "I think I feel a special connection with you" the first time we make love, then we are good also. I get that a lot because I'm empathic. But its not a prelude to a lasting relationship because you fall in love with my ability to feel your emotions and feelings.
And if you come off as desperate, not cool. I don't want you because you're desperate for a man. I want you because you are into who I am, and not what I can do for you.
I'm an empath, too. I don't know what people are thinking, but I generally know what they are feeling.
Almost spookily right on when I read someone's cards or just look at their body language. My bs meter is very finely tuned, so it's quite hard to lie to me.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DTL3000
I think that's true in the States at least. I went on a lot of first dates where I thought things went well only to be shut down when I suggested another meeting. Women seem to write you off for the most trivial things and assume that if there isn't chemistry in a two hour meeting with a complete stranger then there's no chance of things ever working.
I'm a guy and generally I'd say this is a smart way to approach it. I've tried because of a good conversation, and/or because they are super cute, to keep trying, but if I'm honest with myself I've never had anything come from anything if the chemistry wasn't there from the start.
I'm a guy and generally I'd say this is a smart way to approach it. I've tried because of a good conversation, and/or because they are super cute, to keep trying, but if I'm honest with myself I've never had anything come from anything if the chemistry wasn't there from the start.
I did. He turned out to be the love of my life, but it didn't work out long term.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by NLVgal
I did. He turned out to be the love of my life, but it didn't work out long term.
I'm sorry it didn't work out. The one person I was engaged to was one of these, we were best friends, tons in common, worked great together as a team, traveled well together, lived together well, similar backgrounds and life goals... but when it came to it, 3 years in and that critical chemistry wasn't there. It never was. I had tried to force it because everything else worked so well. Never again.
There are two sayings I've heard across the internet and they basically both say the same thing.
Women are the gate keepers to sex, men are the gate keepers to relationships.
Women have sex if they want and marry when they can. Men have sex when they can and marry if they want.
As another poster said, there are exceptions of course, but I find this to be generally true as well. You can see it reflected in traditional dating dynamics where the guy asks the girl out and she might refuse but later on it's the guy who decides and asks if there will be marriage or not. The whole, traditional the man proposes dynamic.
Men get the short end of the stick on getting a foot in the door, women have more choice then. But men have more choice and women get the short end of the stick on how things progress. It's usually the man who decides if the relationship continues, if it grows, etc. So in the end, it's a wash really on "who has the upper hand."
Unless you are the type of man who never can get that first date or the type of woman who never can get a solid relationship. Or even a woman who never gets asked out or a man who always gets dumped after a few dates. Then things seem fundamentally unfair. But you have to realize, it's not that way for most men and women. It sucks, but the truth is you are on the outside of the norm. The only thing you can do is self evaluate and see if there is something you can change or if you are just one really unlucky person.
But again, that's very general, there are always exceptions, and I think with the times changing and relationships being less traditional, this dynamic is changing.
Hmmmm... to me, it depends. I had more trouble with that (getting past a few dates) in my late teens-early 20's. From my mid- to- late- 20's as people mature, it became easier and then it became about filtering who is actually a good match.
I would imagine the answers could be different for both genders, depending on the age of the person. Didn't someone here say getting a first date became easier for them as a guy as they got older too?
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