Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I know some people are quick to write others off, particularly as it pertains to dating. I've been guilty of this myself, and I wonder if it's been detrimental to my dating life. How many potential relationships could I have salvaged if I had just been a little more patient? I sort of follow this 1 to 2 strikes you're out policy. If you do something that even remotely smells, feels, or appears like you're not interested, I'm moving on. However, I've been trying to embrace a more understanding and patient philosophy in hopes that it will be beneficial in the long run.
Now I met a girl a few weeks back, and things have been moving along, albeit rather slowly. We communicate a few times a week. We've been on a few dates. However, she's not big on initiating things. I can't tell if it's because she's shy/reserved or if it's because she's not interested. I talked to her last week after a date and told her I was interested in her and how she felt about me. She also replied that she was interested in me as well, but she was moving slowly because she had gotten out of a two year relationship not long ago. Rest assured, right? Nope. Because I have a tendency to believe that sometimes people say things just to be nice and they don't want to hurt another person. So that's why I'm still feeling a little doubt.
She's a nice girl and I enjoy talking to her and I'm optimistic about the potential with her, but I feel like thus far we're lacking in the intimacy department (the very thing that makes a romantic relationship a romantic relationship). We've had a few nice kisses, but that's the extent of it. In the past, I probably would have called it a wrap by now for the simple fact that we don't seem to be on the same page and I don't like to waste my time. But like I said before, I'm trying to embrace this more understanding and patient philosophy.
Do you think I need to give this more time? Or am I being a chump by being "understanding and patient" with this girl?
I know some people are quick to write others off, particularly as it pertains to dating. I've been guilty of this myself, and I wonder if it's been detrimental to my dating life. How many potential relationships could I have salvaged if I had just been a little more patient? I sort of follow this 1 to 2 strikes you're out policy. If you do something that even remotely smells, feels, or appears like you're not interested, I'm moving on. However, I've been trying to embrace a more understanding and patient philosophy in hopes that it will be beneficial in the long run.
Now I met a girl a few weeks back, and things have been moving along, albeit rather slowly. We communicate a few times a week. We've been on a few dates. However, she's not big on initiating things. I can't tell if it's because she's shy/reserved or if it's because she's not interested. I talked to her last week after a date and told her I was interested in her and how she felt about me. She also replied that she was interested in me as well, but she was moving slowly because she had gotten out of a two year relationship not long ago. Rest assured, right? Nope. Because I have a tendency to believe that sometimes people say things just to be nice and they don't want to hurt another person. So that's why I'm still feeling a little doubt.
She's a nice girl and I enjoy talking to her and I'm optimistic about the potential with her, but I feel like thus far we're lacking in the intimacy department (the very thing that makes a romantic relationship a romantic relationship). We've had a few nice kisses, but that's the extent of it. In the past, I probably would have called it a wrap by now for the simple fact that we don't seem to be on the same page and I don't like to waste my time. But like I said before, I'm trying to embrace this more understanding and patient philosophy.
Do you think I need to give this more time? Or am I being a chump by being "understanding and patient" with this girl?
She sounds sincere. Do you rather date a girl who jumps into bed with everybody she just met? You said you JUST met her a FEW WEEKS back.
I would say to dump her if you were dating for a few months. A few weeks is nothing.
It depends on how well I know the guy. OLD I was less patenit than with a guy I met organically... just because I general knew the later guy better.
But to answer your question about the girl you are talking to... I would say things aren't bad and that you should keep trying if you aren't losing something by doing so. Maybe back off a little and give more space and let it go very slowly and see where it goes. Even if she's shy/reserved, she should get comfortable enough to "step up to the plate" so to speak. And like Eve said, if "a few weeks back" has only been a couple of weeks, there is no rush.. or at least, don't rush it. Now, if this few weeks is 6-8 weeks... well, then maybe it's moving abnormally slow. But giving it time and seeing where it goes might lead to it fading or growing.
But in the meantime, since you also are not in a committed relationship with this woman, you can still keep looking, keep flirting, and dating other women. There is no reason not to keep your options open. While you want to see where it goes with this woman, you also don't want to waste your time either.
You are going on dates and sharing some good kisses. What are you hoping will have happened by now? Have you tried ramping it up during the kiss--making out? Or is she supposed to blow you in the car or what?
Hoo boy. Cue all the people who say if you're not having sex by date 3, ditch her.
Regardless of initiating, do you feel a great connection with her and a potential for something more?
You're comparing her to previous experiences with other girls and that's not fair to her. She's been honest about being cautious because of recently getting out of an LTR. That's a good thing, not a bad one. She's not being reckless and impulsive. Does she never initiate a text and every single contact is directed by you? After several dates, I'd ask why. That's not out of line to know.
Love is about throwing caution to the wind and trusting that what a person is telling you is truthful, until they prove themselves untrustworthy. Your tendency to think she's just being nice and not wanting to hurt you is YOUR issue to resolve, not hers.
Maybe she is the kind of girl who has enough respect for herself not to sleep around with every Tom, Dick and Harry. Maybe she values herself as a human being and not a penis holder.
Maybe she is wondering if you are good enough for her.
You are going on dates and sharing some good kisses. What are you hoping will have happened by now? Have you tried ramping it up during the kiss--making out? Or is she supposed to blow you in the car or what?
We have not made out. And no I don't expect a bj in the car. This has just been really slow compared to almost any other relationship I've been in. Girls are usually all over it in terms of texting, wanting to hang out, etc. She's not really acting this way, which has led to my concern/doubts.
I didn't think it was about sex so much... what I was taking away is that the OP is initiating everything from dates to kisses to progressing the relationship and the woman he's dating is almost not participating. Maybe my impression was wrong, I don't know.
Maybe she is the kind of girl who has enough respect for herself not to sleep around with every Tom, Dick and Harry. Maybe she values herself as a human being and not a penis holder.
Maybe she is wondering if you are good enough for her.
20yrsinBranson
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
