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Ok, gay guy here, early 30's. I've been dating my beau for 9 weeks. Last week, I went out of town, and when I got back, he told me that he thinks we should move in together! I don't know how to progress in the relationship. In general, I have fun when I"m around him, but I'm not sure if we have long term potential.
What I like about him:
-He's a genuinely good person
-He's always happy
-I can be myself when I'm around him
-We make each other laugh
-The sex is great, and the cuddling is even better
-He's well connected in our city
-He has a good, stable job that he loves
What I don't like about him:
-He smokes too much pot (multiple times a day, and first thing in the morning on his days off)
-He watches too much TV
-He eats too much fast food
-He wears plaid on plaid
-He's a moderate, I'm very liberal
-He's a non-practicing Christian, I'm an atheist
-He likes showtunes, I like rock and jazz
-He likes action movies, I hate action movies
-He doesn't read
-We don't really have intellectual conversations
Other things to consider:
-I need to move anyway (I live with my ex, and it's horrible!)
-I love his neighborhood
-Living with him would make sense financially
Given all of this, should I break up with him, consider moving in, or just go on, taking things day-by-day?
Let me know if you need any more information.
Thanks so much for all of your help.
Last edited by ChiBlackhawks; 10-22-2014 at 12:58 PM..
Do you think you can do better? Not in regards to looks or money, but in regards to how he makes you feel. Do you think you could be happy without him in your life?
I think these are the questions you need to ask yourself.
I don't think I'd move in with him until you figured out whether or not he's the guy you want to be with.
Pot isn't an absolute deal breaker; I'm okay with weed in moderation. I'll smoke it myself occasionally at a party. But I don't know about everyday. My parents have been smoking everyday for the past 35 years, and they are soooooooo fried. It gets harder and harder to have basic conversations with them anymore.
I can see multiple problems here. The cons about him outweigh the pros. You've only been together for 9 weeks. You sound like you would be using him for;
1) his connections
2) as a place to move to given the fact you're still living with an ex
I suggest you get a place of your own and move out of your exes to begin with. It's far too soon to be moving in with him. Why not just do the day by day and see how it progresses from there.
I'm okay with pot in general. I'll smoke it myself occasionally at a party. But I don't know about everyday. My parents have been smoking everyday for the past 35 years, and they are soooooooo fried. It gets harder and harder to have basic conversations with them anymore.
yeah I agree. I am okay with pot too. But this guy smokes multiple times a day, that is too much.
Moving straight from your ex's home to HIS home? ...would be good financially? You've known your "beau" for all of 9 weeks? And you admit you're only lukewarm?
Nooooooooooo! What's the rush? If it is only finances that's a silly reason to move in - especially since it means you'd have a rough time moving out if it didn't work out. Take money out of the equation and slow down!
Look at the list you wrote, you have more con's than pro's, that should give you your answer right there if the "9 weeks together" wasn't already blatantly clear that it is too soon to move in together.
PS ~~ The wearing "plaid on plaid" would be the absolute deal breaker for me, nothing else even matters, seriously, it doesn't, not even close...
I can see multiple problems here. The cons about him outweigh the pros. You've only been together for 9 weeks. You sound like you would be using him for;
1) his connections
2) as a place to move to given the fact you're still living with an ex
I suggest you get a place of your own and move out of your exes to begin with. It's far too soon to be moving in with him. Why not just do the day by day and see how it progresses from there.
I just wanted to say I agree with Djuna's advice. What's the rush, you really barely know this guy. Get an apartment or rent a room for 6 months and see how things go first, then maybe re-evaluate.
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