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So I'm 28 years old and was born and raised in the US to an indian family. Unfortunately I'm also completely inexperienced when it comes to relationships. I'm still a virgin. Indeed I've never been on a date, had a girlfriend, or even kissed a girl. Hell I haven't even held a girl's hand. The thing is though is that most of my indian friends my age have already gotten married and many even have kids (they aren't really my friends, just people in the indian community that I know). I've always wanted to have the experiences boys have with girls when they're in their teens which I unfortunately missed out on. But at the same time I wonder if I'm too old for this, for my first date, kiss, etc. I feel socially stunted and perhaps a loser for still not having done this. Maybe I should just have an arranged marriage and get it over with. I'm not really attached to indian culture at all but I'm thinking maybe I've missed the boat and it's time to ask my mother to pick a girl for me. Part of me also feels that these experiences won't be the same as a 28 year old as they would've been when I was a teen. I could technically have my first kiss and sex with an arranged marriage but I guess theres a difference in my mind between convincing a girl to go out/sleep with you and just having one chosen for you. I guess maybe I look at an arranged marriage as an easy way out.
Unless you really have expectations of passion and romance, go with the arranged marriage. Passion and romance may be overrated - if you don't specifically value them then there is no reason to subject yourself to the trials and tribulations of seeking a love relationship. The fact that you haven't even dated before now indicates passion/romance aren't a high priority, and that's perfectly okay. Just be sure to have as input as possible in stating your likes and dislikes to your parents or on the marriage website you use so at least you're compatible in other areas that ARE important to you. Good luck!
I'd go with the arranged marriage, it saves you a lot of time and effort. I'm sure your Mother won't set you up with someone terribly hideous.
Yes, but is it fair to the woman in this arrangement? I think that even in the Indian community, an arranged marriage with an almost-30-year-old social recluse with zero experience interacting with women isn't desired.
Best bet OP is to overcome whatever is holding you back emotionally and mentally and become the sort of man a woman would want to marry. Then your problem will solve itself.
Unless you really have expectations of passion and romance, go with the arranged marriage. Passion and romance may be overrated - if you don't specifically value them then there is no reason to subject yourself to the trials and tribulations of seeking a love relationship. The fact that you haven't even dated before now indicates passion/romance aren't a high priority, and that's perfectly okay. Just be sure to have as input as possible in stating your likes and dislikes to your parents or on the marriage website you use so at least you're compatible in other areas that ARE important to you. Good luck!
^That response is excellent and I agree with it. Sure, some may mock you but keep in mind that their relationships probably won't have anymore chance of a "success" than an arranged one for yourself. So, maybe you aren't outgoing and once you reach a certain age, which comes along quickly, it becomes much harder to find someone. We all have different priorities and needs in a relationship. If you are comfortable with this and upfront with your proposed partner, I see no issue. Passion and romance tend to be fleeting in a marriage anyway.
Yes, but is it fair to the woman in this arrangement? I think that even in the Indian community, an arranged marriage with an almost-30-year-old social recluse with zero experience interacting with women isn't desired.
Best bet OP is to overcome whatever is holding you back emotionally and mentally and become the sort of man a woman would want to marry. Then your problem will solve itself.
I imagine the women in cultures that have arranged marriage know they're probably not getting the most socially well adjusted men so I doubt it comes as a great surprise.
OP the wisdom of Eastern cultures need not be belittled. If you look at meditation and what yogasutras say about that you will know how deep that science is. If you wish to seek your mother's help in finding a match then why should that be seen as something wrong?? It is an age old custom that has survived all kinds of upheavals.
My advice would be to go for it and make sure you speak with the girl and then if you like her go ahead and marry her. Just cuz someone is in arranged marriages doesn't mean they are all unhappy. And same holds true for those who choose on their own. Best wishes.
I imagine the women in cultures that have arranged marriage know they're probably not getting the most socially well adjusted men so I doubt it comes as a great surprise.
Who says these women are that well adjusted? They've had just as little experience with men...probably even less considering the conservative culture. If she is not as conservative she can try for a love marriage herself...kids can go against their parents in many cases....
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