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When somebody dumps someone else that shows that they are incapable, unable, unwilling and too lazy to even bother trying to work at a relationship, any relationship not just romantic ones, and put in the participatory effort required to contribute to make anything work. There was something there to start the relationship off and that little spark, no matter how molecularly small or seemingly insignificant, as all that is needed to work with and make grow.
I broke up with my ex 2 months ago and I still think about her constantly. We were only together for 6 months, but we had a lot of great memories. I made a thread about this a few days after we broke up to get some differing opinions on if i made the right decision. I think I did, most of my friends/family agree w/ me, and most of the posts on this forum were in agreement. I don't really understand why i can't just let it go, accept my decision, and move on... I think the main reason is b/c she was my first adult relationship and the first girl I had sex with. Maybe that is making it more difficult, i dont know... I've done all the post break up things people say you should do. I've been out of town a few times, got back in the gym harder than ever, and went on a date for the first time yesterday since I broke up. Just seeing what other people's experiences were.
It seems like you have received many good advice. Don't contact her and keep yourself busy also help.
This is perhaps somebody you will always love, but eventually, you will find somebody who is more suitable for you.
Best of luck.
I have guys in my past I will ALWAYS love till the day I die, but it is no longer romantic love. People do get over their greatest love, it happens.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JobZombie
When somebody dumps someone else that shows that they are incapable, unable, unwilling and too lazy to even bother trying to work at a relationship, any relationship not just romantic ones, and put in the participatory effort required to contribute to make anything work. There was something there to start the relationship off and that little spark, no matter how molecularly small or seemingly insignificant, as all that is needed to work with and make grow.
Sure, relationships require work, but I disagree that all a relationship needs is a spark and two people can make it work if they want to, if that exists.
There are times, it might be a month, a year, ten years, where is is ok, even healthy, to say, this has run its course, lets go our separate ways. There is nothing wrong with that.
To misquote Tolstoy, all healthy relationships are much alike, but every break-up is different. If one party feels aggrieved by the misbehavior or perfidy of the other, then indeed the healing of time ought to bring return to equilibrium and to fresh capacity for new relationships. But what if the party in question is the one accused of the transgression? What if the accusation is true? And what if the lost former-partner was a good person, a compatible person, who walked away because she/he felt that the relationship had reached an impasse? What if the former partners still feel a mutual love, but one of them believes that the stresses and travails of the relationship overwhelm the joys and pleasures - and therefore left - but the other party remains of the opposite view?
It's comparatively easy to let go of a partner with whom compatibility was in doubt, or where the love was eventually vitiated and the relationship turned acrimonious. It's much harder to let go when her car, loaded with clothes and personal effects, disappears down the driveway, never to return, and one stands in stunned horror watching her leave. Those tears take years to dry, and maybe never do completely.
Alcohol and other means of self-numbing work wondrously in helping to forget. But they don't help to forgive - to forgive one's own self. Nor do they obviate regret over a fundamentally good relationship that collapsed because of missteps and misunderstandings.
It took some time with me too. but most of the time when I feel something about the past I went for long walks and started doing things to pass the time. It took me like a year to bounce back to normal life.
Definitely time, and reflecting on anything you did to contribute to the demise of the relationship, what different choices you would make next time. If you don't think you did anything "wrong", then maybe being more discriminating about who you get into a relationship with.
One of the best songs for getting over a breakup has to be Daughtry - Over You.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.
To misquote Tolstoy, all healthy relationships are much alike, but every break-up is different. If one party feels aggrieved by the misbehavior or perfidy of the other, then indeed the healing of time ought to bring return to equilibrium and to fresh capacity for new relationships. But what if the party in question is the one accused of the transgression? What if the accusation is true? And what if the lost former-partner was a good person, a compatible person, who walked away because she/he felt that the relationship had reached an impasse? What if the former partners still feel a mutual love, but one of them believes that the stresses and travails of the relationship overwhelm the joys and pleasures - and therefore left - but the other party remains of the opposite view?
It's comparatively easy to let go of a partner with whom compatibility was in doubt, or where the love was eventually vitiated and the relationship turned acrimonious. It's much harder to let go when her car, loaded with clothes and personal effects, disappears down the driveway, never to return, and one stands in stunned horror watching her leave. Those tears take years to dry, and maybe never do completely.
Alcohol and other means of self-numbing work wondrously in helping to forget. But they don't help to forgive - to forgive one's own self. Nor do they obviate regret over a fundamentally good relationship that collapsed because of missteps and misunderstandings.
This is a good post and it's what i struggle with. I was the one who broke it off. We had already taken a short break for a week not too long before that b/c of petty bs stuff. In the end I broke up b/c we had different lifestyles. I hardly ever drink and she was pretty much a nightly drinker. There were a few times she drank too much for me and her personality started to become completely different. I just didn't see this ending or something I could put up with long term. It wasn't easy b/c we had a lot of other things going right. It's just the way life is I guess.
well Remember that moving on is the end goal, not getting back together.
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