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Sorry, I don't think that was cheating. You sat through the whole thing as a willing (but not interacting) participant. At any point you could have chosen to tell him that you were uncomfortable and wanted to leave, but you chose not too.
Now you know where your boundaries are (and he does too). It seems unfair to blame this on your husband. He can't read your mind.
I'll sum this up as best as possible. My husband and i have been married for 2 plus years now. We are extremely affectionate, loving, and have so much fun together...we do everything together. We are very sexually attracted to eachother and our sex life is absolutely perfect.
We have bounced around thoughts and even went as far as looking for a third to add to our bedroom to fullfill a fantasy of both of ours...boundaries and expectations were very clear. No intimate contact with the 3rd person and my husband like facing eachother, kissing, carresing, anything with her directly in front of him contact. We both agreed that anything that involved "one on one" and more "personal" contact was off limits. This hasnt happened as we havent found that ideal 3rd. Now to "that night"
A local bar i work at a couple nights a week had an event a few days ago that involved female exotic wrestlers. we knew this would entail no nudity, but hot oil and shaving cream matches. It was obviously going to be an exotic, sexual entertaining event. I told my hubby we were absolutely going.
Ive never been bothered by my hubby checking out other woman, looking at porn, or even describing his fantasy with a 3rd in our bedroom. Im very secure in our marriage and feel ive always pleased my hubby giving me no reasons to believe he would ever be unfaithful. There were beatiful girls walking around with tiny tops and thongs doing "stripper like" dances on the floor. Almost right after the show started the woman were accepting money for a no touch quick dance. Immediately i had money in my hand and pointing to my husband.
I paid for two dances. I had no problem with the dance. He laid on the floor and the female very erotically danced all over him. Shoved his face in her breasts multiple times and that was that. It was fun and funny to watch. No issues, completely sober. Then the woman were taking bids to rub oil on the ladies prior to them getting in the ring. Of course me, wanting to show my husband a good time, started bidding and won one of the bids for one of the two women.
Next thing i know, they have both guys, one being my hubby sitting in chairs and the stripper began to dance and strattled my hubby. Shes wearing a short white tank top and a thong. My hubby has a bottle of oil in him hands and began squirting it all over her rubbing it in on arms, legs, thighs. She asked him to do her breasts and crotch, he said no.
My problem is is how she was sexually dancing on him touching him all over, except his privates, while hes rubbing all over her. This to me is a very personal, intimate, sexual encounter. I had no idea this was what the stripper would be doing to get prepped for the match. I thought the girls would start wrestling and the g uys would we squirting oil on them. I had to walk away with friends as this literally made me sick.
This dance went on for about try minutes. The majority of her grinding and strattling him. After, my hubby came up to me and we laughed about all the oil soaked on his clothes and that was it. I hadnt figured out yet if i was overreacting or if i should really be upset that he allowed such personal, very physical contact with her. The night went on and multiple shows carrying on..im running around talking to my regulars and friends and my hubby doing the same. Then another bid came on and i bid. This time with shaving cream. Same exact thing, my hubby in a chair and strattled, erotic dancing, very one on one etc. I then began taking shot after shot and continued to party with my friends. The show was done we went home and passed out.
I stewed on this for two days...not knowing if i should feeling betrayed, disgusted, angry, jealous. I was a ball of emotions but bottom line bothered and my hubby had no idea. For those next two days, my hubby was walking around making multiple comments on how we needed to "get busy"...to me, i was like "really" because that stripper gave you blue balls you need me to take care of your release? Um no. I finally brought up what was running through my head. I started off by askung him if from what he experienced thst night if it made him now have temptations. He said no. He said he hadnt even thought about that stripper (every interaction he had was the same stripper).
I couldnt in a million years believe that he hadnt thought about their encounters. Then it went all downhill from there. He accused me of trapping him and blammed me since i paid for it all and said i should have known what i was pating for. I responded with i was paying for a good time, not a very personal, very erotic encounter. They basically looked like they were having sex with their clothes on. I told him you knew my boundaries and you should never have let her straddle on you that way. He said he knew it felt wrong, he was uncomfortable and didnt know how to remove her without embarrassing her or himself. I was luke omg, so instead, you disrespect your wife and cross the line, betray my trust and took advantage of me showing you a good time.
At this point, i do feel it was cheating...i do feel heartbroken, i feel the trust and respect in our marriage is broken. I dont look at him the same way now and it kills me. We've been intimate twice since then and i cant help but think that hes thinking about this stripper. Everytime i see him day dream, i think hes thinking about her. Its consumming my life. He says he avoided face to face, her breasts and vagina. He also lied multiple times, back peddled and blammed me. He eventually apologized for upsetting and hurting me and thought it was just entertainment, nothing more.
But my thing is, he admitted he knew it was wrong while the encounter was happening, knew he was disrespecting me and let it go on any way. He says it was not in any way a sexual encounter. I strongly disagree. He daid there was nothing sexual about it. Wow. He said that was not cheating, i disagree, he knew my feelings and limitations and he crossed them both with another woman, regardless of her getting paid for this or not, shes still female and him the man.
Problem is, do i trust him again, will he cheat on me? Am i in the wrong, is he? Do i forgive him for doing this to us? Omg please help!
Look, there are a couple of things going on here.
It's not surprising that you feel the way you feel. You basically watched your husband have (simulated) sex with a woman, which you were not prepared for.
Part of it feels like you had something to prove. It's like you stopped having fun once you were not the one making the rules anymore.
That's why your husband feels like it's a case of "entrapment."
This is why threesomes are so tricky. You never REALLY know how you will react until you are in the moment. We've seen more than a few threads on this lately.
I think you were having fun being the cool wife, buying your husband lap dances etc, but when the game was taken out of your hands and you were not part of the equation, it hurt. BAD.
You two might be able to talk yourselves through this as long as you are honest and don't use blaming language. But you may need the help of a marriage counselor if it doesn't get better.
While I don't think what he did was right, what did you expect paying for lap dances!...Hope you don't leave your kid at home alone with a pack of matches or a lighter.
I am absolutely shocked at the number of ridiculous threads in this forum started first time posters. lol
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