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She is lucky to have someone like you in her life. I wish I knew what to tell you. I don't have any advice for you, except to say that I, personally, wouldn't want to advance the relationship forward towards intimacy unless I was really serious about it, you know, like marriage-minded serious. If she's just a girlfriend to pass the time with, and you don't see yourself marrying her some day, it just doesn't seem like a good investment of your time and energy.
OP, you seem to have a high deal of obligation to her and guilt that is very non-productive. First of all, this seems to be a one-sided relationship. Not solely placing blame on anybody here. Granted, she has issues of her own that are out of her control, but the simple fact is, your needs are not being met, End of story. No matter how many excuses you make for her or rationales you come up with, it’s an issue, otherwise you wouldn't have started the thread. It's understandable as it would be for anybody. I could understand better if she was religious and wanted marriage first, but that's something that should have been discussed at the beginning of the relationship.
Part of the joy of being in a relationship is being able to have sex on a regular basis with someone you like and care about. Kissing and making out is okay for people in JR High, but not for an adult male in his prime years. Going to the doctor's office could be a way of just putting you off and buying her time to keep you around as long as she can without having to put in work. True she may not be able to have sex and please excuse my vulgarity, but it's not like there's other things she can't do (I’m assuming you know what I’m talking about )
It may not be her fault that she has all these things going on, but its not yours either. Some of the blame goes to you because you’re guilting yourself into staying in an unsatisfying relationship. Sometimes in relationships you have to be willing to make some tough decisions. The no sex thing is a frequent thing. You need to start thinking ahead and putting a timeframe on how much longer you’re going to put up with this. You will have to consider if this is the right relationship for you. Couples who are not sexually compatible is not a judgement on the other person, but sometimes it doesn’t work. Matter of fact, it is one of the top reasons couples break up. Maybe this relationship will work better as a close friendship rather than a romantic relationship. Truthfully, it already seems to be working more in that manner anyway.
There are services that provide respite care for children and adults with special needs. Have your g/f check on availavle services in your area. If she had assistance, that should free up some time that she would have for you. With help, you two can make the relationship work.
...but the simple fact is, your needs are not being met, End of story.
... Kissing and making out is okay for people in JR High, but not for an adult male in his prime years.
With all due respect to the OP's personal dignity, and his investment of time and emotions, and also to the psychological analysis conducted by participants in this thread, let's please consider the alternatives:
1) a sexless relationship fraught with stress, but at least a modicum of human contact.
2) abject isolation.
It's true that the OP's needs aren't being met. But pray tell: what is the alternative? Would those needs be met on the internet? By brisk hiking in the forest? Cold showers? Lounging alone in bed? The OP has found a person who has admitted him into her house (or trailer, as the case may be). Human companionship, sexual or otherwise, is a rare and precious thing. Let's not be so aggressive with dispensing with it, merely because our needs aren't fulfilled, or our expectations dashed.
Last edited by ohio_peasant; 12-07-2014 at 06:27 PM..
I'd dump her and find a woman who likes sex, doesn't live in a trailer and doesn't have 2 special needs kids to look after. It sounds like a nightmare.
I second this advice.
Don't make the mistake of thinking this situation will change, it won't. If she can find one excuse to put you off she will find another. Don't throw your life away hoping that someday she will enjoy sex. Unless you are satisfied with living like a monk, back out of this situation slowly and find another girlfriend. My son just went through this same thing and after 27 years he finally woke up and moved out of his house and will file for a divorce. He is finding out the education he is getting is going to be very expensive. His wife has been a stay at home mom who wasn't up to doing the cooking, cleaning, and laundry, but she is entitled to half of a business he will have to sell and give her half of the proceeds. If he would have paid a hooker $1000 for every time he had sex with her, it would have cost him way less than what his ex-wife will cost him. It would be different if she would have put any effort into this relationship, but she didn't.
Complications of it. I don't really know, we split, I found out a couple years later on a google search of her name that she had died. Her family never even told me. They didn't like me for whatever reason much.
MS patients usually die of respiratory ailments like pneumonia... Their lung muscled become weakened and with diminished lung expansion and difficulty coughing/clearing lung secretions they get lung infections (pneumonia) and die prematurely
Well, if you have your heart set on being in a relationship with her and you're okay with the kids, lack of sex, and no sleeping together you might as well drop the subject of sex and just be friends.
Give it a few more months since she's going to the doctor, but don't hold your breath.
Do some of you honestly believe that she would be content staying in a relationship where she is not having sex either?
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