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I think LDRs work if the people involved want them to . I am in one now and usually very happy with it. I know sometimes you have to look for a pattern of "bad" behavior before you jump to a conclusion. I am old enough to have had some not so great experiences , not making an excuse for neglectful behavior, but just giving you some of my history because it is sometimes hard to figure if it's something the man is doing wrong or my past haunting me. I am frustrated because I feel communication is important, especially when apart physically as we are. Also priority to me because frequent contact was a large part of why I chose this man to commit to when I had other options (also in other cities, I enjoy flying and am looking to relocate so this is not an issue) So I'm irritated today. It should have been a great day as things are going great for me career wise. BUT rather than be in contact with me frequently as he usually is, my boyfriend worked overtime (he is in construction and this took place well after it was dark. I work on construction sites myself from time to time and I have seen the workers there when I go home at 5 to be fair, but still......) and hardly contacted me at all. If I texted, he responded but that is usually not the dynamic of our communication. Usually, because he has children, he contacts me when they are settled down for naps or in front of the tv. He went back to work because I insisted on it. The children are being taken care of by his family. They have been supportive of us and of him returning to work. I'm trying to just be aware if there is a pattern of this sort of thing which I consider neglectful, but I really feel neglected and frustrated at the moment. Comments, please. Thank you
No problem! This kind of thing happens, but don't make a big deal out of it.
Last night I really needed some TLC on the phone and my guy was just too exhausted from his own tough day to be there. It made me sad, in the moment. But the moment soon passed when I refused to be swallowed up by it
No problem! This kind of thing happens, but don't make a big deal out of it.
Last night I really needed some TLC on the phone and my guy was just too exhausted from his own tough day to be there. It made me sad, in the moment. But the moment soon passed when I refused to be swallowed up by it
Trying to rep you :-) Yeah sometimes it's just bad timing when you want to communicate.
You are just having a bad moment, tomorrow you will feel better.
I second Loves.
Sounds like he was just busy, or maybe needed a little "me" time today so wasn't in constant contact. It happens in any relationship, long distance or not.
Assuming is toxic, and I say this from personal experience in a 33 marriage, me being the assumer.
Instead of flowing with the relationship with the woman I love, I allowed assumption to slowly burn into me, and thus slowly deteriorate our marriage (it's not over by any stretch, but the road right now has huge boulders in it). My own personality became distant, and I was not providing the emotional support that a woman deserves. Thus, I feel she acted as she did because her emotional emptiness was too much to bear. She sexted which I consider cheating, and when I found the sexts I immediately assumed she had done more (a physical cheat). When I came to the belief that it was in fact I who drove the bus for her to that sexting stop, I realized that how I looked at things needed to change.
I need to think and act with love. I need to be there for her the way I should. I can't let assumption derail me. You seem to be allowing assumption to drag you down, and if you let it continue to happen, it will only get worse. Trust me (damn, that T word). Until you are truly hurt in some way, and coupled with that being accountable to yourself that you truly feel you did nothing wrong to cause your partner to stray, then just let the relationship flow.
Last edited by metalmancpa; 12-18-2014 at 06:36 AM..
Yes, just being aware if this will be a pattern or not. True, everybody needs me time. I do like a lot of attention. In my last relationship, he was so great about being in touch in the beginning then it all stopped and he became a jerk. I have fears about that repeating. Thank you all for your comments. metalmancpa, I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. True, you can only change your behavior but her reaction to your lack of attention wasn't right either. Hopefully she will never do that again.
Yes, just being aware if this will be a pattern or not. True, everybody needs me time. I do like a lot of attention. In my last relationship, he was so great about being in touch in the beginning then it all stopped and he became a jerk. I have fears about that repeating. Thank you all for your comments. metalmancpa, I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. True, you can only change your behavior but her reaction to your lack of attention wasn't right either. Hopefully she will never do that again.
I don't feel I'm being hard on myself, but more so being introspective. I do feel that regardless of the many years I allowed the distance between us increase, that does not justify her actions and the boundary she crossed.
Yet, is not providing a woman emotional support (for an extended period) as hurtful as sexting was to me? I believe so. Different, yet the same.
And as you state, it's patterned behavior that truly brings in doubt, And to determine patterned behavior takes time.
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This too shall pass!
