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Sounds like you have a problem on your hands. Stop the run away train right now.
"now that we live together I pay more than half the bills despite similar salaries" How did you come up with you paying the majority of the bills. Not a good idea. Perhaps he feels like he's not the main provider and has refused to do anything for you now.
Tell him you need to speak with him before the new year. Ask him open ended question about changes in his ability to do for you. Mention there have been some changes in your work and you need to rearrange the responsibilities with regards to the bills because your salary has been effected/lowered. (If he becomes inquisitive ask a little emotional and lean into him for a hug/mumbling). I say 50/50 share of bills is for friends not relationships. See if the nature of your relationship changes when he contributes more.
I would ask him why he didn't give me a Christmas gift this year?
I would ask him why he didn't give me a Christmas gift this year?
She did, and he said he didn't give anyone anything.
I agree, there's something strange going on, if they both make the same amount, but she's paying the bulk of the bills, he's not buying Xmas presents for anyone, but is buying his friends in Mexico phones, and wants to buy himself the latest iphone, even though he already has one.
You know, that isn't really a reason. Maybe back then, the mom could work, and the heart condition and disability is more recent? That would make a little more sense, but still.... There seems to be a pattern in how men in the family treat their women. Maybe.
Really? I don't know *anyone* who supports their long-time ex beyond what they are legally required.
Really? I don't know *anyone* who supports their long-time ex beyond what they are legally required.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Maybe not, but I know fathers who help support their adult daughters beyond what is legally required, and in this case, it's the same household.
Why must people "assume" that there isn't a shred of decency in this world. Not everyone treats such a situation at a bare minimum. Some people are just good people, and do what they feel is right. Plus, no one, and I mean no one, other than two people in a relationship, have any idea even once apart what truly exists between them. There are amicable breakups where two can still be good friends.
OP, I think you should talk to your husband or maybe your in-laws to understand what is going on. At this stage, we can only make speculations based on your side of the story. These speculations aren't going to take you anywhere. They're just going to make you paranoid.
There's something fishy going on, no doubt about this. However, I'm afraid we can't give you sound advice as to what to do if we don't have accurate details.
If you're close with your in-law, maybe you can talk to them because it could be they know something you don't know.
I strongly suspect that now he's got you "hooked", he feels as though he doesn't need to make any more grand romantic gestures. You're married and he's got you. You're no longer the prize to get. You're his wife and maybe he's taking you for granted, just a little. I'm really sorry you felt this way on Christmas. I hope you get the answers you want.
The thing is maybe he promised to take care of his friends and family back home and he'd rather sacrifice your gifts over theirs. I think there's something keeping him from freely enjoying his money.
It's one thing if a husband and wife mutually agree not to exchange gifts. In the OP's case, no discussion was had, and he had bought gifts in the past. I'd be pissed, and he would know it.
Not sure if this fits, but.....
Was talking to a co-worker about her birthday (falls in January I believe), her father always takes her out of town gambling all expenses paid for a few days.
I asked her what her husband got for her? Nothing.
Did he make you dinner that night when you got home? Nope.
Well, surely he bought you a card. Nope.
Flowers? Candy bar? Anything? Nope x 3.
He told her that the gift from her dad is enough and he doesn't feel the need. What does a gift from her father have to do with a gift from him? It shouldn't be a contest.
I was shocked, even more so when she told me the types of expensive gifts she gives him.
They have been married about 15 years and he has always been like this.
He has a good job, but I wonder if he feels he can't compete with her dad, or maybe is jealous.
Why wouldn't his own wife know that? They've been married for a year, together for 2 years prior to that, and he's still a stranger to her in some respects. Isn't that unusual? I wonder how he handled previous Christmases. Was she completely blindsided by this non-observance of a major Western holiday? If so, how could that be possible if they've been together 3 years?
P.S. Christmas is a big deal in Mexico, just like in the US. It's not like he's from a different religious tradition. Not marking the holiday sounds passive-aggressive to me.
He's pissed over having to move.
This relationship isn't going to work out.
His identity is tied up in his career (which is fine, really) and it's pretty hard to have steady construction jobs going on in a cold climate. When he does have work, it'll be seasonal and/or in far colder weather than he's used to (being from Mexico).
I think there's got to be some sort of realistic compromise or this will simply never work.
I don't think this is actually about Christmas at all.
It's about this man's identity.
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This happened the first Christmas we were married too. I realized my husband is just not good with gift giving and we haven't done presents since. We may go out to eat or to a dinner theater or some other experience instead but I have zero expectations as far as gifts from him. This goes for birthdays too. I think it works for us since there is no disappointment. We have been married five years.
How were you able to stand Alabama if you can't stand Baton Rouge?
Last edited by Davros; 12-28-2014 at 04:53 AM..
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