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30 is just when life starts and a whole lot people would agree with me... a lot of people are late bloomers in many respects, 30 is a good time, If I had to go back in life, I'd start about 28 and go from there, teens and early 20's are overrated, you're always broke as hell, start sort of starting out.... IDK....
Don't think so much and just go and do things that you like.
You'll wake up in a week or two and you'll be 40.... then 45......... life goes quick...
This.
OP, get help for your depression. A good psychotherapist (hard to find, granted, but they're out there) will help you heal your depression and get on an even keel. I've seen very bad cases pull themselves together after about 2 years of work. That means real work; doing inner reflection at home, doing "grief" work to move the inner pent-up anger, frustration and pain that's causing your depression, and actively working on your healing process according to the therapist's recommendations. This is what you need to do to prevent the rest of your life from being like the last 10 years of it. It can be done. You can get better, and get to a place of enjoying life! Good luck.
I'd say you've got bigger issues than having missed out on dating young women when you were younger. Others have said you should work on that first and they're right.
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...in all seriousness; if you drop any of that story on a young woman at all, she's going to tuck tail and run for the hills faster than you could ever dream possible
^^^This! At the very least, do NOT talk about that!
I can't help you with that, but at 30 half your age + 7 is 22 - so there's the appropriate minimum age for you.
I'd say the big cut would be still in college vs. college graduate. It'll be harder to date college students because they're in a different place, but 22+ and a college graduate you can try. It depends on the girl how much she likes 30+ guys. Some do, some don't.
In the past 3 months since my most recent birthday - my 32nd, I've had women interested in me as young as 22 and 19.
You will need to be in good shape and hopefully have all your hair. That makes you look much more youthful. If you're balding or have receding hairline already.... I'm sorry but there may not be much hope for you with women <26. If your hair is starting to go gray - color it. Dress fashionably - being in good shape is very important because you need to fit into the fashionable clothes which are slim fit now. Familiarize yourself with the music young people are listening to. For whatever reason, being conversant in the fashionable music will make you seem a lot younger to these women - in my cases the ability to rattle off band names the girls thought was cool was a HUGE asset.
I'd say you've got bigger issues than having missed out on dating young women when you were younger. Others have said you should work on that first and they're right.
^^^This! At the very least, do NOT talk about that!
I can't help you with that, but at 30 half your age + 7 is 22 - so there's the appropriate minimum age for you.
I'd say the big cut would be still in college vs. college graduate. It'll be harder to date college students because they're in a different place, but 22+ and a college graduate you can try. It depends on the girl how much she likes 30+ guys. Some do, some don't.
In the past 3 months since my most recent birthday - my 32nd, I've had women interested in me as young as 22 and 19.
You will need to be in good shape and hopefully have all your hair. That makes you look much more youthful. If you're balding or have receding hairline already.... I'm sorry but there may not be much hope for you with women <26. If your hair is starting to go gray - color it. Dress fashionably - being in good shape is very important because you need to fit into the fashionable clothes which are slim fit now. Familiarize yourself with the music young people are listening to. For whatever reason, being conversant in the fashionable music will make you seem a lot younger to these women - in my cases the ability to rattle off band names the girls thought was cool was a HUGE asset.
No I think he should a woman who is nice ,understanding of him and mature.
He need to be himself.
You need someone who is 24-35 .
Last edited by Sommie789; 02-08-2015 at 07:55 PM..
Seriously, a 50 year old man can easily bang a 20 year old girl.
Girls in college LOVE older guys, especially if you have a job.
If you think you deserve to sleep with lots of women to make up for the pain you felt then do it.
Honestly, you'll get bored of it quickly then start looking for relationships.
If you don't plan to get married until 35, give yourself a few years to make up for lost time. It doesn't feel worse because you got it later. It might actually feel better.
I just skimmed that but if you're in your 30s and want to bang girls in their 20s, just go do it.
Trouble is I have next to 0 experience even trying to do this, so no confidence. Many of the young girls I remember when I was 20-22 did not run after post 30 year olds and actually considered it totally over the hill. I remember only 1 girl from hundreds I met and knew hooking up with a guy above 30, she was 23 he was 30 and they promptly got married.
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Originally Posted by Utopian Slums
I'm a chick so I don't really understand the urge. There are a lot of uggos and fatties in their 20s too. Personally, no big change happened the day I turned 25 or *gasp* 30.
Well to get it out of my system.
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Originally Posted by Utopian Slums
Seems to me that because of all you've been through and missed out on, your "emotional IQ" is probably closer to early 20s anyways.
True probably less tbh, more like 16.
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Originally Posted by Utopian Slums
Remember that there are always prostitutes for all of your "special needs!"
Well I thought they would help but actually they made me feel so much worse, I know people say losing your v tag sucks, but I lost mine in such a pitiful way which sucks so much more.
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teens and early 20's are overrated, you're always broke as hell, start sort of starting out.... IDK....
Well I'm 30 and broke really due to the illness as it has been noted I have a very good business head, just have been and am emotionally crippled.
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...in all seriousness; if you drop any of that story on a young woman at all, she's going to tuck tail and run for the hills faster than you could ever dream possible. Your problem is with self confidence and your own perspective of yourself.
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Just because you think you are running out of time is no reason to dump all of that on someone. It's unfair and you will definitely start hoping they can "cure" you. Extremely unhealthy for both people.
I have never uttered to anyone once about my illness and past issues. Many women initially attracted to me would soon smell something was up and bolt and I completely understand. Some persisted, I should have told them I was unwell, instead of spending all my energies trying to cover it all up.
I never believed women would cure me but the right girl sure would have helped, a lot for sure and she was there trying to hook up with me, while I was dying inside.
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No I think he should a woman who is nice ,understanding of him and mature.
He need to be himself.
You need someone who is 24-35 .
Be myself means allowing the depressive emotions and grief to consume me, this is the state I'm in even when I'm not thinking, most of the time I'm asking why do I feel like this then just accept it's there until it goes after a few hours, but it will be back without fail and usually at the most annoying times i.e. social occasions and such. I do my best to hide it.
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If you think you deserve to sleep with lots of women to make up for the pain you felt then do it.
Honestly, you'll get bored of it quickly then start looking for relationships.
I already know this, and I really wanted to have a few relationships before settling down in order to have the breadth of perspective to fall back on, this really takes years or a good decade to experience. Unless I go around being dishonest with women, i.e. getting into relationships to only drop them fast which would make me a pretty low human being.
I just no longer have time to do this anymore, I'm out of time. Girls my age and even a few years younger are all looking for marriage after already having had loads of relationships already.
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I'd say you've got bigger issues than having missed out on dating young women when you were younger. Others have said you should work on that first and they're right.
Quote:
OP, get help for your depression. A good psychotherapist (hard to find, granted, but they're out there) will help you heal your depression and get on an even keel. I've seen very bad cases pull themselves together after about 2 years of work. That means real work; doing inner reflection at home, doing "grief" work to move the inner pent-up anger, frustration and pain that's causing your depression, and actively working on your healing process according to the therapist's recommendations. This is what you need to do to prevent the rest of your life from being like the last 10 years of it. It can be done. You can get better, and get to a place of enjoying life! Good luck.
I've had enough therapy from various therapists and meds to the hilt, it's just going around and around in circles. I know there are depressed people who have no issues with getting girls. My depression isn't going away soon by the looks of it what is, is what little youth I have left, 30s are not the new 20s, I'm basically over the hill already.
I'm off the meds, at least I can function now, yes it is like being an emotional cripple but without the meds I still have my mental faculties and will power although distorted by depression, and I can push through the suffering. As an example I exercise rigorously everyday feeling like total **** before, during and after, but at least I'm not a total zombie on meds so I can actually exercise.
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Basically everything is a mans responsibility, but anyway OP, I've heard of guys in their 50's having girlfriends in their 20's
Tell that to my 22 year old self when I'd broken out of depression and started relapsing again doing everything I could to keep it together. It'd be like telling a cancer patient it was his responsibility.
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Seriously, a 50 year old man can easily bang a 20 year old girl.
Girls in college LOVE older guys, especially if you have a job.
I'm from the UK, with a conservative middle class background, I don't ever remember 20 year olds getting with 50 year olds, 25 was the max.
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Familiarize yourself with the music young people are listening to.
Not a problem because House music is better now than when it was when I was in my early 20s.
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Honestly though, you're not going to get anywhere posting on a forum...work on reaching a state of happiness, and then put yourself out there. Go grab a buddy or two and head out to where lots of people are and start working on it.
I have found forums to be most helpful in different aspects. I have no friends to go out with because they are all getting married and/or in serious relationships so not interested. Even their younger brothers are now reluctant aged around 27. So I'd better get used to going out on my own.
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But you're not going to really attract younger women unless you're able to project that you're more than what they're used to...you have to genuinely be above and beyond the jerks that they're used to that populate the dating pool of guys found within their own age, and also the total losers around your age who are trying to score with them.
I remember it was the young 20s jerks who'd take all the hot chicks back home with them - and those jerks (some of whom were my acquaintances) I knew who got all the hot girls are now married or engaged, don't remember guys in their 30s there at the time, actually I do they were the guys girls would run away from and tell you omg he's so old, why is he here? I am now one of those total losers around my age which is why I believe the boat has sailed. I was never a one night stand sort of guy but would have been nice to take something hot home with me when I was of the right age for all this, perhaps she'd have become my girlfriend.
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Just keep telling yourself...90% of all men 20-35 are going to be shifty, horny, relatively disgusting pieces of crap. Position yourself to legitimately be within the remaining 10% who genuinely are more than that...and what in the flying hell do you have to worry about?
What do I have to worry about? This attitude equals meeting Mrs. Right. Imagine how horrible it'll be if I get older marry her don't resolve this issue then in a moment of weakness cheat because I didn't get enough when I was younger. I'd rather not get married than do that to someone. I wanted to be rid of any temptation by having experienced some of it, need I quote Oscar Wilde? And I never needed or wanted to experience too many a girls, just what came and did come my way, just I was dying inside.
Last edited by SwordinStone; 02-09-2015 at 03:44 PM..
Unfortunately relationships are not a charity. He (and typically it's a "he") who was dealt a weak hand in his formative years can not claim compensation in later years, even after reform, rejuvenation and sorting out one's life. Experiences foregone can't be revisited through a second-chance remedial program.
That said, in my view the OP's predicament splits into two parts. The first is a sophomoric and crude pining for the youngest and most sexually appealing girls, who are supposedly the quarry of the most flamboyant young men. The second is an entirely legitimate and commendable desire for female companionship for a life that's been so suffused with illness and anguish that such companionship was quite impossible heretofore. Intuition suggests that the OP can advance in his quest for the latter by abandoning his fixation on the former. After all, there are numerous attractive women in the OP's own age bracket. A larger problem is that so many of those women are now married, or otherwise unavailable.
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Originally Posted by TelecasterBlues
...in all seriousness; if you drop any of that story on a young woman at all, she's going to tuck tail and run for the hills faster than you could ever dream possible. ...
Younger women, or any woman for that matter, want somebody who's positive and happy...somebody who's completely comfortable within their own shoes who can spread a little of that happiness and confidence over their way.
I can't refute this, and indeed Telecaster's point is insightful explanation of why so many seemingly successful men (education, career, money) fail with women, while so many apparent "losers" find prodigious success.
Even so, different attributes appeal to different people - and yes, not all women are alike. Here is one data point: as a man interested in dating women, I personally would be thrilled to meet a female version of the OP; somebody chastened by pain and uncertainty, somebody recovering from a great and abiding stress, somebody who soberly beholds the stupidity and uncertainty threading through all of life, somebody who understands the evanescence of the joys and the interminable languor of the suffering. I'd be thrilled to meet a woman who appreciates that there's something ridiculous about life and her place in it, somebody with a neurotic sense of foreboding and an unshakeable sense of regret. This of course is as a man seeking women. But presumably there are similar women seeking men.
Ultimately, the OP needs to "put himself out there". That - and not some regimen of further treatment or self-improvement - is what's most imperative.
Great point. There are many men that think a hot girl should be their "prize" for dealing with a hard life and women who don't want to be that and have needs and wants as well are horrible selfish people. :/ pretty unfair.
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