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You just have to be firm with them, even if it makes you look stuck-up. I try not give them a reason because it's really none of their business. I usually just reiterate what I said before. I will admit though, sometimes they do make it hard to be nice.
But after a few guys that were unwilling to take no for an answer, the I'm busy seemed the better tactic.
Actually, I remember that there was one guy, a friend of a friend that everyone was trying to match me up to... and I found him irritating to begin with. Very opinionated and a poor listener. If you told him that you just bought a car, he would then argue about all the cars that were better to buy than that one. But since the purchase was already made, that discussion would be pointless and totally unwanted. But you just couldn't shut this guy up. And he thought he had beautiful hair and would often stroke it. Plus he smoked cigarettes. Lastly, he had just been dumped by his longtime girlfriend and he was still very angry and bitter about that. So anyway, he would try to insinuate himself into my life, but I could see him coming a mile away and would thwart his efforts. It took about a month for him to give up.
I am going to answer this in a more day to day type of answer.
I do not do that. This has nothing to do with dates.
At work, my coworkers are always having me tell people they are busy, because they do not want to talk to a certain pt. Front staff, Assistant Office manager, and the Office manager.
Why?? Why can't you just talk to the person and be done with it?
I talk to people all the time. Some people I know will be long winded, and ask me a million questions, and go on and on and on... but no one else will talk to them.
So, if they have a problem, how will we ever know, if no one is willing to talk to them?
So... I talk to them. Everyone is important. That call could go on for 15 minutes, and I will have the AOM staring at me... what if it was her mother having difficulty? Would she want me to treat her any different than to give my attention to her, and whatever may be going on?
We may think it is trivial, but the person on the other end may think it is so very important.
So, that is how I try to hold all people. As if they are important, and what they have to say is also just as important.
If someone asks you out on a date you have no interest in, do you tell him/her that:
you do not feel that you have anything in common (I do not like you)
or:
That you are busy?
When I was in the dating scene, I had many women I was interested in tell me they were busy when I asked them out. Not understanding what they were saying, I kept asking them out because I tried to match my schedule with theirs. I could not believe how busy their social calendar was! I finally caught the hint. I wish they would have not lead me on and just told me that they were not interested in me and/or did not like me.
Why do people say they are busy when they are not? Why can't we be honest with people we do not like?
I don't believe telling someone, "We don't have anything in common means, I don't like them", but exactly what it is....
I'm an artsy, love the water and nature type woman...and I need someone in my life with whom will complilment my interests, who is smarter then me that I can learn from...compatibility was and still is very important to me, b/c I love to travel and get away for long weekends...I'm not a stay around the house and work in the yard person any longer...love to fish, camp...and go to really fine resturants at times...while going to a diner once and a while is great. I love a creative man who enjoys going out for a progressive dinner and loves the arts, as well as shows and boating, or eating a romantic dinner by the water. It's what I do now...so when I dated, if I dated a man who had no enthusasum for doing thest things with some added ideas of his own, but was a wonderful man otherwise, we didn't have much in common and I liked him but was looking for a mate that enjoyed the same.
Once I dated a man whose best friend was getting married and he was jealous and all he did on our dates was talk about that man's wife to be, so our last date I politely told him, that his best friend's personal life was his business and he'd be wise to butt out....never dated again.
I dated a man who took me to a dive of a bar for dinner and proceeded to drink beer all night...
Or another who was interesting, but was all over me the rest of the evening...
What I'm saying is....what are your interests...are you enthusiastic about life and creative in planning a date...which says a lot about your outlook
when you date, what do you talk about...a woman usually has eclectic interests and really enjoys someone who goes all out to plan a great date and talks about interesting things....
Do you only talk about yourself...do you discuss past girlfreinds...or do you ask her about her. Remember, people love to share their own stories.
Once I had a man call me who was very well to do...but all he talked about on the phone was his riches and never asked me about me.....needless to say, we never met.
Ya see, how you present yourself, is pretty much what the woman is going to get when you start dating....
I dated a man who would plan, special weekends, short weekend getaways...he took the initiative to find out what kind of music I liked, then taped them...and played them in the car on our trips...he took me all up and down the east coast on romantic get aways....he planned picnics...took me to shows...and we had a great time.
Another man I dated brought me roses on our date...just one rose, and a small box of candy....we'd go out to dinner and he'd really be interested in hearing about me....and he got me to really let loose and talk about all the joys of childhood, boy, we'd have some of the most interesting conversations....he to, was a positive soul.
Most woman want to know who it is their dating before they become intimate, and some men, live for intimacy right away....and there is nothing more....no fringe benefits....yanno....plus...I was the kind of woman who wanted to know who this man was before I gave him my heart....
It got so, that men became less and less creative, or even wanted to further their education thru life...they were stagnated in their own life and sorrow for what they had lost, instead of being optomistic about what was to come....
it's not that they don't like you, or are they rejecting you....they are just saying they don't believe you have anything in common with what they are looking for....
might be a good idea to talk to other women, whom you are not associated with in a dating type manner and tell them who you are and how you act during a date, and then really listen to them.
I guess what I'm saying is....who are you and how do you act on a first date, where do you take them, what do you talk about.....who are you?
Last edited by cremebrulee; 01-12-2008 at 06:41 AM..
Men, mature much slower then women, why? Because they are not made to grow up in an environment any longer where they are taught responsiblites...they're parents are working, and they are being raised by babysitters who don't care about character molding. Hence, the individulism that is tearing our country apart. Now here is where I'm going with this, our younger generations today, do not know how to soul search, self examine....they blame everyone else for their problems and actually believe that. Pass the buck...and when the men marry, they don't know a thing about how to work hard as a team to get by...to make it easier on their entire families...men can't take the stress....they break and have heart attacks way before they should....and parents today, are very instrumental in this behavior pattern. They do every thing for the kids, b/c it's easier, quicker, instead of taking the time to teach their kids that decission making is the root of problems....not others...again, hence, the man who marries that refuses to put his underwear in the hamper, pick up his clothes, pitch right in when he comes home from work....
I tell you true, I don't want to be a mother to another man...it is draining...stressful, there were no fringe benefits....and I found, I was always the one doing the rewarding....I bought clothes for every one else first...I cleaned, mowed the lawn, did the gardening, shopping....and the only help I received was from my son....I tell you, it really makes one fall out of love quick, resentment builds...and you now have two children. My husband's mother would tell him...oh, stop take a break??????? And the job would never get down. Because she was so controlling, everything had to be done HER way, therefore, she never taught her children to care for themselves and help with the housework, b/c no one could do it as good as her....
Do you see where this behavior comes from....they are conditioned to believe, that the woman is the root of the family who does EVERYTHING....he works, and puts his time in, and comes home, grabs a beer and has no other responsiblities....hence, you've got a husband who is a child.
Now, I do agree that today,husbands are helping out more....and more...but for the most part ladies, we enable our men to act as such by not saying anything, being afraid it will cause an argument and wanting things done perfectly, thinking that no one can do it as good as I can, so I may as well take over....so, our lazy hubby's are the result of bad parenting, but also, bad wifing...wifing, is that a word?
When you keep quiet and do not discuss these things with them, you enable them to be lazy.
I hate to be rude or upset someone, I don't like confrontation. I have been put in this position so often in these kinds of circumstances. It like they think if they push me into going out with them, I will see how wonderful they are. I think thats why some just say they are busy. Unfortunately, these same pushy people will keep pushing when told you are busy. I think some purposely misunderstand something they don't want to hear. Its a control issue with some.
Hi Lindsey...we deny ourselves telling the truth b/c we fear hurting others, when in fact...when we lie, it prolongs the process and builds and builds.
Frankly, I don't care what others think of me, and there is the difference...it's not confrontation, I don't think...it is though putting your foot down and being honest...if you don't want to hang around with someone, why not tell them now..."we have nothing in common and I would prefer to move on". That is not confrontation, if you walk away and make it plain and simple.
I don't like confrontations either, that is why I end it from the get go...
plus, you don't confuse the other person....guess what I'm trying to say, is that you have rights to feel as you do, you have a right not to be a follower, or to deny a friendship if the friendship is going to cause you discomfort...simple....
I used to care what others thought and was a peace keeper, but, peace at all costs is no peace at all. If we are not loyal to your personal constitutions...then who are we? We don't have to be mean about it or cruel...simple fact is, we don't have a thing in common, and I don't have an interest to be there....
If you stay and you don't want to, due to fear of hurting someone, your going to hurt all concerned more in the end. And if someone else doesn't get it, then you have cause to say..."Please respect my wishes...I don't want to go there, or I don't want to be there" I'm sorry, its not about rejection, it is though about your comfort zone and happiness.
Hi Lindsey...we deny ourselves telling the truth b/c we fear hurting others, when in fact...when we lie, it prolongs the process and builds and builds.
Frankly, I don't care what others think of me, and there is the difference...it's not confrontation, I don't think...it is though putting your foot down and being honest...if you don't want to hang around with someone, why not tell them now..."we have nothing in common and I would prefer to move on". That is not confrontation, if you walk away and make it plain and simple.
I don't like confrontations either, that is why I end it from the get go...
plus, you don't confuse the other person....guess what I'm trying to say, is that you have rights to feel as you do, you have a right not to be a follower, or to deny a friendship if the friendship is going to cause you discomfort...simple....
I used to care what others thought and was a peace keeper, but, peace at all costs is no peace at all. If we are not loyal to your personal constitutions...then who are we? We don't have to be mean about it or cruel...simple fact is, we don't have a thing in common, and I don't have an interest to be there....
I don't know, just my thoughts...
Your totally right. I am a very independent woman. I think I attract a certain kind of man who wants to tame me. Sort of like how on Westerns they would go out and rope a wild pony and break it. They just get so pushy and controlling. I have even told men like this that I am lesbian (which is not true) in the hopes of getting them to run away but unfortunately that claim just inflames this kind of man even more. It ends up being an occasion that turns my stomach.
The only way is to say it up front. I just have had some bad experiences that make me very reluctant to deal with men like this at all. The men I am interested in are affraid to ask me out because I am so independent.
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