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She was being honest. It really is that simple. I think the problem here is that (judging from the, "you're investing too much/she's misleading you" always anticipated responses) there seems to be an automatic expectation nowadays that when somebody tells you the truth, you look for a catch. If you'd been "investing" thousands of dollars on diamonds and she was misleading you, she wouldn't have said what she said but would have played you. The "investment" of time is time that you obviously are enjoying so that's not wasted.
You only met her "about a month ago" so for goodness' sake enjoy what you have and don't take everything so seriously. Her responses were not "nonsense" so get off that pedestal, slow down and appreciate that she's obviously an intelligent young woman who's simply being honest. You're way over-analyzing.
She was being honest. It really is that simple. I think the problem here is that (judging from the, "you're investing too much/she's misleading you" always anticipated responses) there seems to be an automatic expectation nowadays that when somebody tells you the truth, you look for a catch. If you'd been "investing" thousands of dollars on diamonds and she was misleading you, she wouldn't have said what she said but would have played you. The "investment" of time is time that you obviously are enjoying so that's not wasted.
You only met her "about a month ago" so for goodness' sake enjoy what you have and don't take everything so seriously. Her responses were not "nonsense" so get off that pedestal, slow down and appreciate that she's obviously an intelligent young woman who's simply being honest. You're way over-analyzing.
Get off my pedestal? Is this the way we communicate with other human beings behind a keyboard? I came here with a genuine concern and do appreciate this sort of attitude? I gave credence to the first two reasons she gave me: her family wouldn't accept me and she might not be in the US longer. The response that I'm too good for her is nonsense. I'm not. That's an excuse. That served as the impetus for this post.
You have more power and control than you think.
You have the power to realize that you have a choice...you can choose to spend more time with her and accept the fact that your relationship with her will probably not develop into a committed long term relationship based on her telling you that thing about her parents not accepting you as well as she doesn't know how long she will be in the U.S. If I had been her, I would have been upfront with you and said...."hey bowchickawowwow, I think you are a really nice person and I am having alot of fun getting to know you. I just want you to know that I can only be friends with you because...."
At least you would have known from the start what you were getting into and could have decided if you wanted to continue seeing her under those conditions. The flirting she did was probably just her wanting affirmation that she is attractive to the opposite sex. People do it all the time and as long as both people are unattached it is usually harmless. Except in your case, when she told you she knew that you were getting serious about her, for her to continue to behave in this manner seems a bit thoughtless and/or selfish on her part and led you on even more than necessary.
You will have other women in your life who are more mature, upfront about their intentions and won't have the need to play games with you. Not all women are like that and I think the key word here you even used in describing her is "girl".
Wow. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful post. I appreciate it.
Shes just not that interested in you. Some women, will continue to mislead men for gifts, fun places, attention, etc.
Guys are funny.... How is telling him it won't work misleading him? She was fun and flirty on the date, but when it came down to brass tacks she told him the truth. He can proceed or move on... I don't see any misleading going on. Maybe she should have just sat there like a lump? But that would probably have led to another thread... " I"ve been seeing this girl for about a month and she just sits there.. Is she not into me"?
I met this girl about a month ago and we found out we had a lot in common. Same interests. Same views. A lot of good conversation.
We started spending entire Saturday days together. Last week we were together all day and yesterday we were out until 1 am. Went to dinner, went to museums. All that great stuff. She kept playfully grabbing me all day. Walked so close that our arms were always touching. Laughing. Playing with her hair. Sitting at dinner just looking at me and smiling. All the signs, right?
Even before we would text and she keeps telling me that I exploit all her weaknesses with surprising her with little gifts, taking her fun places, listening to her and all that stuff.
When I get to her house to drop her off, I tell her I think I'm starting to develop feelings for her. She tells me that she knows and can tell. Then gives me nonsense responses: "my parents wouldn't accept you" (she's from Asia), "I don't know how long I'm going to be in the US", and then the biggest load of crap, I get the "I don't think I'm good enough for you". Actually the first two make some sense, but the last one really made me mad. Haha.
What is it with girls? Why do they play this game with the flirting and spending all this time with a guy while they know he has feelings for her only to have this sort of ending? Yesterday we spent 13 hours together. Come on! Hahaha.
She's actually kind of cool and I like her so I don't know what the future will hold. We are having a video chat tonight to talk about our conversation last night and I don't really know what to say.
Any thoughts?
My only thought, move on. She was leading you on. Life is too short...
Maybe she just wants to have a good time and NOT get involved with a relationship. I personally like dating, but I am not looking for LT. When you said that you were " developing feelings" for her it probably sent up a red flag so to speak.
As a guy, I agree with this. He probably fell for/showed his hand to fast and scared the other person off. She is looking for some light dating, and he expresses feelings for her which she can't/won't reciprocate.
Hey at least she was being nice about telling you no. Move on, there are plenty of women in this country, who are your perfect match, with parents who will like you. How are Asian women different from American women? Aww man, too bad you didn't get a more traditional girl, who would have been a subservient and silent partner.
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