Feeling Entitled (marriage, girls, single, young)

[NothingButTheTruth2015]

Originally Posted by lycos679

S/he was qualified. As far as I know, salary isn't discussed until there is an offer.

And that's why salary should be posted in the job ads from the beginning. Saves everyone time. But that would take away the employers chance to lowball so I understand why it isn't usually listed.

[Montanaguy04]

I make 6 digits, have my own business and haven't had a job in over 4 years. I workout 4-5 times a week and am entering a men's physigue contest this spring. That said this is my short list of must haves in a woman.

• 1 child or none. This used to be child free but I have compromised. I don't have kids of my own and want kids.
• Height/weight proportionate. I define that has <= 2 pounds of body weight per inch of height.
• Not crazy. I can't handle crazy.
• Kind, affectionate, and not a ball buster. Positive mental outlook on life and of herself. You can't love someone else if you don't already love yourself.

I'm not one of those hypocritical guys that doesn't meet his own standards. I also know that the odds of meeting a woman like me that makes $100k+, fitness body, that is also not crazy with a loving personality would be like finding a unicorn.



I'm not going around wondering where my Victoria Secret super model GF is because I'm so special and deserving. We get what we can find and attract, there are no entitlements when it comes to dating.


I know my weaknesses when it comes to dating and why I'm single.

[DennyCrane]

Here's what I mean about feeling entitled. Suppose you graduate college. Your classmate goes on to some boring office job like accounting making 5 figures and marries some hot 25 year old girl. You, on the other hand, go off to med school for 4 years, rack up huge debt, and then work ridiculous hours during another 6 years of residency and fellowships. By the time you're in your mid 30s, you're established, making good money, and paid off your debt. But the stress of school and training has aged you a lot. You're ready to meet someone and maybe get married and you look at your classmate, the one who went into accounting, and think to yourself "I worked harder and sacrificed more than him. Therefore, I should have a wife who's just as hot as her, if not hotter." This is the part I think the high achievers fail to grasp. They don't want to acknowledge the trade offs they made by focusing on their careers. Instead, they act as though having a more impressive job title or a higher income means they should have a "better" partner than the guy who has an average job and an average income.

[supertrucker212]

I notice this attitude more among women than men. I have a friend who is 47, and single but is trying to find someone. He's been doing the match.com and POF thing, some of the profiles he's shown me, (more so on match), these women are entitled which you can tell just by reading their profiles. Dating is hard. Its hard because as time has gone on life has become more complex. Also, as time has gone on society has become much more diverse, adding to the complexity of the situation. As far as the guy the OP was talking about in the first post, good luck finding someone over 30 who is childless. I don't buy into the "intelligent conversation" thing either. I work in a blue collar field. Yes, I've been around some real morons, but I've also been around people in blue collar fields that were intelligent and if you met them on the street you wouldn't know they are blue collar workers. Like me, I'm truck driver with 115 IQ, so yeah I could hang with your intelligent conversation, (I was never "book smart" I'm a hands-on learner),. There are times when you shouldn't judge a book by the cover

[LexusNexus]

People are entitled to pursue whomever they desire, setting their own guidelines. It's their prerogative. If a person worked hard, sacrificed themselves in the process, and earned high achievement, I don't see anything wrong with them preferring someone of the same ilk. Such is life.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

Here's what I mean about feeling entitled. Suppose you graduate college. Your classmate goes on to some boring office job like accounting making 5 figures and marries some hot 25 year old girl. You, on the other hand, go off to med school for 4 years, rack up huge debt, and then work ridiculous hours during another 6 years of residency and fellowships. By the time you're in your mid 30s, you're established, making good money, and paid off your debt. But the stress of school and training has aged you a lot. You're ready to meet someone and maybe get married and you look at your classmate, the one who went into accounting, and think to yourself "I worked harder and sacrificed more than him. Therefore, I should have a wife who's just as hot as her, if not hotter." This is the part I think the high achievers fail to grasp. They don't want to acknowledge the trade offs they made by focusing on their careers. Instead, they act as though having a more impressive job title or a higher income means they should have a "better" partner than the guy who has an average job and an average income.

Seems to me the problem is in how they define "better". Is "hotter" better? Or is smarter, kinder, more talented or accomplished, and supportive "better"?

A guy wrote into an advice column once. He said he'd been dating "hot" women, but never found what he was looking for, for a mate/wife. He was a business owner. One day, the woman from the company he bought supplies from came in about some business. He suddenly noticed what a great person she seemed to be, a very nice, and bright, person, though lacking the hotness factor. He'd never really noticed her before. He decided to ask her on a date. In the process of dating her, he was smitten with her personality, and thought what a great wife and mom she'd be. He eventually married her, but he was writing for advice on how to deal with his guy friends, who kept telling him he could "do better" while he was dating and engaged to her. Even after marrying her, his friends were unsupportive, and tended to diss his wife, puzzled as to his choice. He, however, was happy like he'd never been before in his life.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

Instead, they act as though having a more impressive job title or a higher income means they should have a "better" partner than the guy who has an average job and an average income.

In other words they think they are "better" people than the dude with an average job and average income.

Note to these people: You're not better.

[Robert5]

I used to have this entitlement mentality, because that is the way I was raised. I bought into the "women don't care that much about looks, they want a good provider" BS. I believed in spite of the ugly face I had, that I could attract a decent looking woman, not a super model but a decent, not over weight or ugly woman or a woman with baggage. That I was entitled to this because I was a successful man in life, among other things, I had a prestigious degree and made a good deal of money. Given that through most, if not all, of human history up till about 1960 a man's ability to provide for a woman and family had been the single most important factor in a man's ability to find a mate, it was not a crazy expectation. There was a lot of residue opinion in the 70s and 80s to support my expectation that the prior historical norm would continue.

On the other hand, I see women these days that have a similar entitlement mentality. They think their degree or job entitles them to a better looking man. Where does that come from? There is no historical basis for that attitude.

[photogal9]

When did an education equal intelligence? A degree doesn't make someone smart. Common sense in not learned from a professor/teacher.

When did how much one earns a year become a definition of their "worth?" You're worth your words and actions, IMO.

I like honest, good souls, that to me, is priceless and I am entitled to interact with like minded souls.

[AnthonyJ34]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

Maybe this has always been the case, but it seems like a lot of people these days feel a sense of entitlement when it comes to who they date. I'll often hear people (both men and women) who've achieved great success in their careers or have attained incredible fitness goals acting as though they deserve someone who's on par with them. It's the deserve part that always makes me roll my eyes. For example, there was a guy on this forum lamenting how he got advanced degrees and worked hard to climb the corporate ladder. Only now he's in his 40s and complaining that all the single women he meets in his age group are overweight, have kids, etc. He'll say something along the lines of "I worked hard to get where I am so why should I have to settle?" My answer to that question would be "no one's telling you to settle, but don't act like you deserve better just because you make a lot of money or have lots of degrees."

Do you think people still cling to this idea, that people get what they deserve? I expect that thinking from young people who don't know better. Maybe they think all the hard-working good guys will end up with great women and the jerks who can't hold a steady job will end up single. But most of us know it doesn't work out that way. And I think high achieving women are realizing this as well. You can work hard to make partner at your firm, but if you suddenly enter the dating scene acting like you deserve a better guy than the secretary making 1/10th your income, you'll be in for a disappointment. Why do you folks over 30, particularly high achievers, still buy into this thinking? I understand wanting someone who's at your level, but this idea of deserving someone, like it's a prize you've earned...that's the part that makes me cringe. Is that how these people see dating and relationships? As some kind of reward for hard work?

I get what you are saying. And I tend to think the same way. I often get amazed at what I perceive to be egotistical behavior on the parts of both males/females. I think humans often times overestimate their importance in the world, and often act as if the world revolves around them. And when it comes to dating and finding a mate, spouse and/ or lover, humans egotistical qualities often get laid bare; something about the dating market seems to compel people to grandstand and peacock, and to act as if they are entitled to the best, shiniest model on the showroom floor ( so to speak).