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Maybe this has always been the case, but it seems like a lot of people these days feel a sense of entitlement when it comes to who they date. I'll often hear people (both men and women) who've achieved great success in their careers or have attained incredible fitness goals acting as though they deserve someone who's on par with them. It's the deserve part that always makes me roll my eyes. For example, there was a guy on this forum lamenting how he got advanced degrees and worked hard to climb the corporate ladder. Only now he's in his 40s and complaining that all the single women he meets in his age group are overweight, have kids, etc. He'll say something along the lines of "I worked hard to get where I am so why should I have to settle?" My answer to that question would be "no one's telling you to settle, but don't act like you deserve better just because you make a lot of money or have lots of degrees."
Do you think people still cling to this idea, that people get what they deserve? I expect that thinking from young people who don't know better. Maybe they think all the hard-working good guys will end up with great women and the jerks who can't hold a steady job will end up single. But most of us know it doesn't work out that way. And I think high achieving women are realizing this as well. You can work hard to make partner at your firm, but if you suddenly enter the dating scene acting like you deserve a better guy than the secretary making 1/10th your income, you'll be in for a disappointment. Why do you folks over 30, particularly high achievers, still buy into this thinking? I understand wanting someone who's at your level, but this idea of deserving someone, like it's a prize you've earned...that's the part that makes me cringe. Is that how these people see dating and relationships? As some kind of reward for hard work?
It seems to be more common among high achievers, people who focused on their careers at the expense of their personal lives. Now that they're established and ready for a relationship, they want to know that everything they worked for comes with some kind of reward. The guy making 6 figures as a lawyer or business owner thinks he shouldn't have to settle for an overweight middle-aged divorcee with two kids. The woman who's now a high-powered executive doesn't think she should be stuck with dating guys who are pudgy and don't have anything beyond a bachelor's degree.
For me, I can somewhat see the allure to the "reward." I'll use myself as an example. I love my career and what I do, yet it doesn't pay me enough to take care of another human being. It's going to require both of working in order to get what we both want out of life. The men and women who make high 5 digit to low 6 digit figures, the other person's income matters less.
Their wage can likely comfortably support a family of 4, so they start looking at other things. Is my partner is shape, is my partner smart, is my partner good looking? Since I'm the "bread winner" would I be happy with this person on my arm?
That's just my overall theory. I've always been more attracted to the average woman who can support herself, as I can support myself. Neither of us have to make the money to take care of a non working partner, but I've always been more attracted to the woman who can go out and make her own money and her own living.
It seems to be more common among high achievers, people who focused on their careers at the expense of their personal lives. Now that they're established and ready for a relationship, they want to know that everything they worked for comes with some kind of reward. The guy making 6 figures as a lawyer or business owner thinks he shouldn't have to settle for an overweight middle-aged divorcee with two kids. The woman who's now a high-powered executive doesn't think she should be stuck with dating guys who are pudgy and don't have anything beyond a bachelor's degree.
There's no need to settle for an overweight middle-aged divorcee with 2 kids, anyway. (Unless she has an awesome personality, and is a high achiever, herself, or very bright. In which case, it wouldn't be "settling". But your exec wouldn't feel that way, probably.) Where do these guys live? If they're in the mid-west, they chose their career location poorly.
Women who are high-powered execs should be able to find men close enough to their career level. The thing is, if you have a high level of education, you need a partner you can have a conversation with. Hopefully more than one conversation. You need someone who can discuss what you're interested in on an intelligent level. (I've never understood how high-powered guys can go for bimbos, but I guess conversation isn't on their minds. ) On the other hand, some of those women professional--blue collar guy marriages do work out.
So, I dunno. Some of these people need to pay professional matchmakers, or get into those exclusive online dating sites. And they need to be willing to relocate if they want to find what they want.
To address your OP concern, though--notice I didn't frame any of this in terms of "entitlement". For most people, it's just looking for someone you share enough common ground with to be able to make a go of a marriage. That's different than approaching it as "entitlement". Most people are looking at the whole person, not just the career status and physical appearance.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 03-08-2015 at 09:50 PM..
There's no need to settle for an overweight middle-aged divorcee with 2 kids, anyway. (Unless she has an awesome personality, and is a high achiever, herself, or very bright. In which case, it wouldn't be "settling". But your exec wouldn't feel that way, probably.) Where do these guys live? If they're in the mid-west, they chose their career location poorly.
These people who whine and blame the dating market for their failures never bother to mention exactly where they live because then we'd be able to compare our own experiences in these supposedly near-impossible markets. I've never been to any US city where I had to drop my standards. Entitled people go crazy when they see others having more success.
There aren't many things that hold people back more than an entitled attitude. Many good-looking guys are terrible with women solely for this reason. They don't even want to talk to the less attractive girls, let alone date them and make an effort to show these girls a good time, so these guys usually end up being less aggressive, less experienced, and less comfortable with hot women. By limiting their dating pool so much, they can't help but weaken themselves when they give undeserved power to that small number of women they do like.
Many guys who date really hot women have dated really ugly women as well – and these guys will usually be quick to tell you that some of the best relationships and sex they've had have been with the least attractive ones.
What I've noticed here in particular are people (mostly guys but some women too)who bring little to the table but want someone above them, like a poster with kids who wants a childless person or obese wanting thin. They are delusional. With income it's not as clear. For example I am educated with two degrees but never cared as long as he graduated high school. I also I didn't care if he was a professional. The reality though is the educated people do find shortages in mates because there are only a few as compared to others. Would I have dated my boyfriend if it was 20 years ago? Probably not but if I waited for the guy who was at my education, professional level I'd never get married. I was also superficial and if I waited for a male model or whatever I'd be alone. So in a way one has to settle but one shouldn't settle for things that matter and being rich or handsome don't matter. What does are morals and I would never settle.
Last edited by Idon'tdateyou; 03-08-2015 at 10:22 PM..
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) On the other hand, some of those women professional--blue collar guy marriages do work out. 