Is This Considered "Physical Abuse"?

[Sommie789]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvkGNU_YaZg
This could to you if you decide get back with someone who has hurt you physically.

[Lilac110]

Originally Posted by AnneCA

I felt very safe with him up until that moment. It shocked me to the core because it is NOT like him. I trusted him with my life. That is why I am trying to understand if this was just a once in a blue moon incident, or if this is part of his personality that just came to light after that wedding night, a part I didn't know about for 3 years.

Three years is often when the mask starts to slip. It's long enough to have some water under the bridge and start taking someone for granted, like, "She already invested time in me, so she's not going to leave if I'm an ahole."

And this is how it starts. A shove becomes a slap. A slap becomes a punch. A punch becomes a kick. A kick becomes a beat-down. A beat-down becomes you in the hospital.

Or dead.

I wouldn't stick around. I'd break up with him, whether it's 3 months, 3 years, or 3 decades. I'm a pretty forgiving person (too forgiving, actually, but I'm working on that), but violence represents a line that once crossed, there's no going back.

[Kin Atoms]

I have worked with the elderly who share experiences of DV. One stayed with a husband for decades and lived through abuse. She is happy in her 70's that he is dead and can't hit her any longer. Another stayed with a man for 33 years, until her children were grown, then she left, not looking back. There have been a handful of people where this occurred during marriage and the husband cleaned up. Most of the persons I've spoken with were clear in their convictions, ID'd abuse for what it was, and didn't look back after the door was closed. I've spoken with hundreds of persons about good marriages. This is what I have culled through those contacts.

You have no commitment to this individual, though you have 3 years together. You saw something in an unusual circumstance. What does three years mean in the life of a relationship? From developmental terms, we age and progress in multiple ways. I have never seen an action that is a mistake. There are no coincidences. This event came to fruition after 3 years. Past behavior is an indicator of future behavior. Tolerance of any violence should be zero. It cannot be eradicated otherwise, especially since you are dating. May he learn to never do this in another relationship. I would not take him back.

This should be the first thing you talk about in your next relationship, that you have zero-tolerance for abuse. You should get help in debriefing from this experience. Don't look back. I would disregard any calls or attempts at contact from him. I would tell your parents your decision. Let the chips fall where they may. He stepped over the line. There is no tolerance for the same. There are few benefits in returning that you can't find somewhere else with someone else that WILL NOT make violence part of their interpersonal repertoire.

There are no regrets, only freedom.

[alpha_1976]

Yup leave him. I cannot even dream raising my hand on my wife or children or anyone. If I really get mad I may break something but never raise my hand on anyone. And yes I agree - this time he pushed you next time it will be worse and it won't take 3 years either.