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My boyfriend (28) and I (26) have been together for 3 years. We were at a wedding reception recently, where he had too much alcohol. We got into a wild argument the night after the wedding and argued so wildly that the grabbed me by my shoulders, shook me, and then pushed me really hard against the wall. I hit a hard corner of the sofa with my thigh while being pushed, which resulted in a huge blue spot on my thigh. I also noticed slight reddish spots on my shoulders in places where he grabbed me. Needless to say, I left him and stopped talking to him that night. I have never been physically shaken and pushed by any man before, and have never seen what a man's physical abuse towards a woman looks like. I grew up in a pretty normal and respectful family, and I have never seen my father yell at or push my mother.
My boyfriend has NEVER acted this way before and I've known him for 3 years. He's always treated me well. I was so shocked when he pushed me and could not believe he did this because of an argument. I have heard a saying before, that if a man has hit a woman once, he'll do it again. Now, he's never hit me before. Would you consider being pushed the way I was an incident of "physical abuse"? Do you believe that if he pushed me now, that he's capable of doing it again, or perhaps going even further next time (i.e. hitting a woman)? Can this one push be considered a reliable INDICATOR FOR HIS FUTURE BEHAVIOR?
I've loved him for 3 years, and of course now he's apologizing and begging me to forgive him because "he was drunk". I am very hurt, shocked, and hesitant to forgive, although I do love him.
What should I do? Forgive him or forget about him?
That makes me wonder too. My father got drunk several times throughout his marriage to my mom (they're still together after 35 years) but he never pushed her while being drunk. Do you think alcohol brings out certain hidden characteristics about people?
My boyfriend (28) and I (26) have been together for 3 years. We were at a wedding reception recently, where he had too much alcohol. We got into a wild argument the night after the wedding and argued so wildly that the grabbed me by my shoulders, shook me, and then pushed me really hard against the wall. I hit a hard corner of the sofa with my thigh while being pushed, which resulted in a huge blue spot on my thigh. I also noticed slight reddish spots on my shoulders in places where he grabbed me. Needless to say, I left him and stopped talking to him that night. I have never been physically shaken and pushed by any man before, and have never seen what a man's physical abuse towards a woman looks like. I grew up in a pretty normal and respectful family, and I have never seen my father yell at or push my mother.
My boyfriend has NEVER acted this way before and I've known him for 3 years. He's always treated me well. I was so shocked when he pushed me and could not believe he did this because of an argument. I have heard a saying before, that if a man has hit a woman once, he'll do it again. Now, he's never hit me before. Would you consider being pushed the way I was an incident of "physical abuse"? Do you believe that if he pushed me now, that he's capable of doing it again, or perhaps going even further next time (i.e. hitting a woman)? Can this one push be considered a reliable INDICATOR FOR HIS FUTURE BEHAVIOR?
I've loved him for 3 years, and of course now he's apologizing and begging me to forgive him because "he was drunk". I am very hurt, shocked, and hesitant to forgive, although I do love him.
What should I do? Forgive him or forget about him?
ETA I'm pretty sure they all say say and they'll never do it again, in the beginning.
Better just get out now. You are young and have a lot of years of love left in you. There is no point in wasting them with someone who you will always worry about when they are drinking.
All I know is that I've never been assaulted by a man who supposedly loves, and I hate the "I was drunk" excuse.
Does it matter if it's "abuse"? It's not good.
Agreed here. My father is a drunk, but thus far, I have yet to see him hit my mother. Nobody has far as I know. When his mother was alive, she was asking him if he got drunk and ever hit my mother. He told her he drinks everyday, and it has no effect on whether, or not, he put his hands on his wife. He then states that's nothing more than an excuse.
And even if it was drunkenness, a simple solution is don't be drunk. Not like getting drunk is something uncontrollable. All drunkenness does is show how immature someone is to have no self-control and awareness of when to stop. Both of which aren't good qualities.
So I would say that counts as physical violence. So I would break things off and avoid a guy like that. Unless you wanna tell him to keep his drinking under control.
You said you stopped talking to him. Sounds good, and he may be begging, but plenty of abusers beg their SO to take them back only to fall into the same old habits.
I have never been hit, pushed, or shoved before by any man that I have had a relationship with. And I have had some big arguments.
Is he going to get help or is he simply apologizing? Not that it should make a difference. If you feel unsafe with someone, you should not be with them.
Is he going to get help or is he simply apologizing? Not that it should make a difference. If you feel unsafe with someone, you should not be with them.
I felt very safe with him up until that moment. It shocked me to the core because it is NOT like him. I trusted him with my life. That is why I am trying to understand if this was just a once in a blue moon incident, or if this is part of his personality that just came to light after that wedding night, a part I didn't know about for 3 years.
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