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I know a guy who treats his mom a lot better than his wife; it's beyond night and day.
That seems to be a cultural thing. Certain cultures definitely value their mothers above all else, and their wives are left at the bottom of the totem pole.
My boyfriend and his mom have an amazing relationship. They are like best friends. His mom as cool as hell, too.
These are all words of wisdom. I'll never forget I was supposed to meet my ex-fiance while we were still together at the Square. There a local bum (a friendly and a harmless bloke) asked me for some money. I had previously given him some because he wasn't a druggie and needed it. So I handed him my last bit of cash and my ex-fiance crept up behind me. I was startled. Then and there I think she realized I was a good guy. I would have preferred her not having catching me.
Not just his mother, but his father and siblings if he has any. The way he treats his friends, cousins and everyone else outside his immediate family is not as good as a judgment on how he will treat you (his future family). Learned my lesson.
Even if his parents were jerks, how did he grow after that? Does he live in contempt or moved on and made a better life for himself?
I think the way a mother treats her son influences how a man thinks about women, generally, but how he treats a partner is probably better seen in his relationship that his dad had with his mother. The two also can interact in powerful ways. If a guy is closer to his mother than his father and his father acts disrespectfully or abusively toward his mother, he may end up treating women with greater respect than his dad treats his mom.
I think it's generally complicated.
It is also irrelevant to any partner the son has. What matters is how he treats his partner, no matter how he learned this. To look for causes in the family is only a thin line away from trying to explain away bad treatment.
Best to focus on the man's behavior, here and now, not what "caused" it. There is no clear answer.
Some Mom's are extreme type A (alpha Female, selfish, homewrecker, psychotic, drama) types. If a mother is toxic so to the point that it's a detriment on emotional bottom line, then it makes sense to avoid her until both sides can reach some sort of Christmas Card relationship.
Which brings me to my point -- Some individuals can suffer this kind of abuse and want to treat the girl (and his whole future family) better than his mother. Simply because the love hasn't been there for many years via rolling personality changes, divorce, environmental factors.
Same difference as a thread titled "His/Her Parents are Divorced: Red Flag for Marriage?" It's not cut and dry.
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