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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Themanwithnoname
Not just no, but HELL NO!
Not just the debt, but the fact that she WAITED to tell him until she felt like she "hooked him" (moved in together.)
Unless she was a medical resident or something (upside) it would be a HUGE red flag.
The fact that she HID it....
(and damn well knew what she was doing.... As is obvious based on the past relationship.)
DONE!
(he's a sucker, and she's hooked him.)
I didn't watch the video, I didn't know it was like that, damn. If she hid it to bait him into moving in, that is different. I'd move out and drop her ASAP. If she is willing to hide that much debt from me what else will she hide if it suits her? Can't work with someone like that.
Student loans cannot be discharged in bankruptcy. In addition, she makes $35k/yr and MAY qualify for income based repayment but if they get married with his income of $48k, and a total income of $83k/yr it will probably disqualify them increasing their burden tremendously.
I thought you were asking in general, and not about the situation in the video.
@anyrate, 100k isn't an outrageous amount, imo. And besides, I'm not obligated to pay anybodies debt.
Cliff notes of vid for those not listening. She is late 20's, has 136K in debt, most in student loans. Making 35K a year, he 48K. Lives in NYC. Exact jobs or education unknown.
We do not know nearly enough to know whether this is a lot of debt or not. It really centers around her future income potential and not her present earnings.
I would not be too highly concerned with this figure of student loan debt so long as she wasn't maxed out on her earning potential.
I would judge based on behavior and responsibility rather than just numbers. If it was debt based on bad or irresponsible decisions, I would really consider walking away from the relationship. If her actions to resolve the debt are a positive one, I would give her a chance.
You often don't get to choose who you fall in love.. but you do get do get a choice with whom you share your life. The debt could be an embarrassing thing that is filled with anxiety... conflicting with her love and need for the relationship. I personally have been on both sides of the situation.. its painful... anxiety often results in irrational decisions.
My wife told me about her debt AFTER we were married. A significant portion was in credit cards (I know OPs GF is mostly student debt). It wasn't a six figure debt but it was enough for her to struggle on her own. It stressed our relationship to the brink of separation. We had been in a relationship for 8 years and she told me 2 years into our marriage. So I was heavily invested emotionally into our relationship.. so I was inclined to work things out. Eventually we did... she made good faith effort and she drastically changed her spending habits. All motivated to save our relationship. I eventually dumped my entire savings into her credit card debt to alleviate some of the stress. All that remains is about 10k in student loans.
We just celebrated our 14th anniversary. We manage a fairly modest/frugal budget even with my salary tripling since we first to move to NJ. She's actually better at not spending money than I..
If marriage is in your future, it is as much a financial decision as it is an emotional one. If she can't manage finances and habits properly.. it will... impact your marriage.
I would end it depending on what her education was in and what her earning potential is. If she is only making $35K and late 20's she either has bad luck finding a real job or her education was in something worthless.
I think it's funny that Ramsey said don't help pay it off unless you are married. Sure he can marry her, help pay down the debt, and later she can file for divorce. It really doesn't matter if you're married or not.
If I was the caller and he really loves this woman they should try to move to a a lower cost city. 35k can not do much to pay of the debt in conjunction with NYC being the most expensive city in the country 1/3 of earnings gone after taxes and social security. These two love birds are heading towards a rocky road.
This.
That income with that debt in that city..... I don't see that working.
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