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You are seriously implying that only people who pass some imaginary bar of psychiatric wellness are the only ones who should date?
What about those with social phobias? Sit home or learn how to solo hike?
What about those with depression? same deal? Save the world from your Faults?
Where would THAT leave the girl or guy next door, who is human, has faults, challenges, issues?
On CD posting about their virginity...
Don't be a fool. FWIW most people display BPD symptoms at SOME time in their lives, its not a death sentence NOR a moral failing.
"Imaginary"? Were you diagnosed with a serious emotional disorder, or not?
I would hope that this is something that you can get some sort of treatment for...and get better. Otherwise, I meant exactly what I said. Dating, in my opinion, is really not in the cards for those people that have untreated/unmanageable emotional disorders. Not sure why that would be so shocking a view.
We've been dating 2 months, intimate, he's 60 I'm 54. So last weekend we spent a fun day in my hometown, sight seeing, art galleries, had dinner then back home for a movie etc...The anniversary of his wife's death was wednesday; she's been gone a year, they were married 34 years. He called thursday nite, said he was doing ok, his grown kids had a tough time. They are not supporting his dating me (we've not met).
His work is busy, he might have to work today (saturday) and he needed to go to his cabin 4 hours away. He asked what I was doing, and I said a tentative thing with some girlfriends saturday and sunday I had plans with another girlfriend group. I made up my tentative saturday plans, so it didn't seem like I was waiting around hoping he and I would be getting together, which is what I did. No word/text from him since thursday nite. Is it inappropriate for me to hope for a call/text? Did something happen during the family get-together for the anniversary of the wife's death? I don't want to pressure him, but what do you think is going on? Admittedly, he's busy helping his daughter move too.
What are your thoughts, should I text him or see if he calls tonite? I'm acting like it's High-school all over again, what a drag.....
Definitely send him a short message saying you've been thinking of him. Then go about your business as if all is well.
Most of the time good men will check in with you after they're finished doing whatever they're doing. You can't help or save the issue by being overwrought. Best thing to do is whatever you normally do when there's no man around,
Dixie, it's been less than 48 hours since he's been in touch, if I understand correctly. Do you normally communicate on a daily basis? I wouldn't be concerned about this. I think it's fine to give him a call.
Alo, I think it's silly to pretend you have plans when you don't. If you want to spend time with him, be honest about your availability.
Thanks for your responses (although this thread seemed to have gotten highjacked for a while). It sounds like I should give him space, and when/if he's ready/interested he'll contact me. I'm not 'sitting by the phone', but am doing the things I usually do when single. The thing is, I'm starting to see that I do, in fact hope I can learn to have and be a partner in life. I've been single (divorced young) for most of my life; I'm lonely. I've always been afraid of losing my independence, (my parents had a bad marriage) but there is definitely a downside to being alone.
Thanks for your responses (although this thread seemed to have gotten highjacked for a while). It sounds like I should give him space, and when/if he's ready/interested he'll contact me. I'm not 'sitting by the phone', but am doing the things I usually do when single. The thing is, I'm starting to see that I do, in fact hope I can learn to have and be a partner in life. I've been single (divorced young) for most of my life; I'm lonely. I've always been afraid of losing my independence, (my parents had a bad marriage) but there is definitely a downside to being alone.
Most of you ladies have no idea how to deal with men.
What's so wrong sending a "Thinking about you. Let me know if I can do anything to make your day better." text?????
Dixie, it's been less than 48 hours since he's been in touch, if I understand correctly. Do you normally communicate on a daily basis? I wouldn't be concerned about this. I think it's fine to give him a call.
Alo, I think it's silly to pretend you have plans when you don't. If you want to spend time with him, be honest about your availability.
We've been dating 2 months, intimate, he's 60 I'm 54.
He asked what I was doing, and I said a tentative thing with some girlfriends saturday and sunday I had plans with another girlfriend group. I made up my tentative saturday plans, so it didn't seem like I was waiting around hoping he and I would be getting together, which is what I did.
OP I understand you don't want to feel needy, but at this stage in life, please don't play games. If you had no plans for Saturday, why not say it. This guy is still emotionally vulnerable and you don't know how your "busy" social life may have given him doubts as to how he fits in. No way to know, but in my 55 years, I do know that you need to speak and act honestly from your heart if you want to have a healthy relationship.
Well honestly, if I lost a huge fixture in my life, like a spouse of 34 years, I would want a woman who I haven't known but two months, who my kids don't like, to allow space so I can deal with this tough time with my kids who can feel the same pain I feel and possibly help the healing process so my kids will be more likely to accept the new woman.
Exactly. He will contact you when he is emotionally ready. Be patient.
Well honestly, if I lost a huge fixture in my life, like a spouse of 34 years, I would want a woman who I haven't known but two months, who my kids don't like, to allow space so I can deal with this tough time with my kids who can feel the same pain I feel and possibly help the healing process so my kids will be more likely to accept the new woman.
Diss, I really think you can be a pain sometimes, but this is really an empathic and kind post.
OP, this isn't about you, it's about them. Though, I would send 1 supportive text relaying your support to him and his children. Nothing about the relationship or you, just them. Don't expect a response back. I know it hurts because you can't tell if it is grief or rejection.
Grief is very difficult, and it's hard for someone who is romantically involved with a widow/er to understand unless they have gone through it. It's only been a year.
We will be spreading the ashes of my sister's boyfriend's wife this June, with her kids and family friends. My sisters feelings were hurt at how things were set up, but we talked and she feels better now.
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Grief is a funny thing and one of it's defining characteristics is that it's absolutely not linear. Anniversaries are particularly thorny ambush points where grieving returns with nearly full force though the months before have been more about moving on leaving the griever to wonder whether they are moving in the right direction, questioning everything all over again particularly when close family members are not on board.
Your relationship should it continue should unfold organically and without undue pressure from either party, IOW slowly. You might need to meet other people to meet some of your social needs and perhaps even let this one go if he is not really ready or dial it back to friendship mode only. It's okay. As long as you are behaving with grace, concern and dignity you never know, there might be a "right time" in the future but then again maybe not. There are plenty of stories out there of women sitting on a widower egg keeping it warm hoping for a hatching to have "their" widower marry another after a brief whirlwind romance with another. You can't control any of this.
I'm going to suggest something that might seem counterintuitive but I'd recommend counseling for yourself. Sometimes a poster prompts me to look through their posts to see what's up with them. After reading through the various threads, you seem to be at sixes and sevens about what to do with the rest of your life. Whether to relocate or not. To have a relationship or not. What your tribe looks like. You are searching for something (a change) undefinable and until you find inside what you really want to do and are motivated from within, (not asking strangers on a forum for advice that is impossible to give) your search for community including a mate will be somewhat futile. I wish you luck. I've been there myself.
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Yes CapsChick gets it!!
