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Women of a certain age have been taught that the MEN do the calling.
Women of an even younger age have been taught (anyone remember He's Just Not That Into You?) that the men will call if they are interested.
So here we sit, staring at the phone, unwilling to seem desperate (God forbid) or prying at whatever FAR MORE IMPORTANT event said Man has going on in His Life.
Our lives apparently, do not need enquiring on by the Men, being so unimportant in comparison I suppose.
"Unwilling to seem desperate??????????"
Sounds to me like someone that is overthinking and has fear of being rejected.
Doesn't matter how busy a man is with work...family....etc.....if his lady calls....AND HE IS TRULY INTERESTED.....he is going to respond.
Call the guy. If he doesn't return the call then you have your answer and can move on.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,753,896 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by dixiemur
We've been dating 2 months, intimate, he's 60 I'm 54. So last weekend we spent a fun day in my hometown, sight seeing, art galleries, had dinner then back home for a movie etc...The anniversary of his wife's death was wednesday; she's been gone a year, they were married 34 years. He called thursday nite, said he was doing ok, his grown kids had a tough time. They are not supporting his dating me (we've not met).
His work is busy, he might have to work today (saturday) and he needed to go to his cabin 4 hours away. He asked what I was doing, and I said a tentative thing with some girlfriends saturday and sunday I had plans with another girlfriend group. I made up my tentative saturday plans, so it didn't seem like I was waiting around hoping he and I would be getting together, which is what I did. No word/text from him since thursday nite. Is it inappropriate for me to hope for a call/text? Did something happen during the family get-together for the anniversary of the wife's death? I don't want to pressure him, but what do you think is going on? Admittedly, he's busy helping his daughter move too.
What are your thoughts, should I text him or see if he calls tonite? I'm acting like it's High-school all over again, what a drag.....
I think he has a full plate going on now rather than him fading away. I think he needs space, what you mentioned is a lot for anyone to deal with at one time.
I cant go through my entire life alone, well I probably can, but people with all sorts of issues manage a relationship so why should I be excluded?
I'm not being mean. Just that if you have some emotional issues that prevent you from handling normal everyday life (which apparently you do?) then dating, I would think, would be one of the last things you need to worry about. Of course you can be alone. I would think that most people that can't handle dating, would do better alone, frankly.
I'm not being mean. Just that if you have some emotional issues that prevent you from handling normal everyday life (which apparently you do?) then dating, I would think, would be one of the last things you need to worry about. Of course you can be alone. I would think that most people that can't handle dating, would do better alone, frankly.
You are seriously implying that only people who pass some imaginary bar of psychiatric wellness are the only ones who should date?
What about those with social phobias? Sit home or learn how to solo hike?
What about those with depression? same deal? Save the world from your Faults?
Where would THAT leave the girl or guy next door, who is human, has faults, challenges, issues?
On CD posting about their virginity...
Don't be a fool. FWIW most people display BPD symptoms at SOME time in their lives, its not a death sentence NOR a moral failing.
I think he needs his space..... In his situation when a wife and mother has been lost, the family is #1 priority... then himself... I know I would still be grieving after 1 year of such a terrible loss.
If he wants you in his life, he will eventually reach out to you when he is ready. From your end, I personally wouldn't wait either... date other people in the meantime. Don't pause life waiting... that isn't healthy either.
When my wife lost her father, it took a good week before she came around for my comfort (I was there always with open arms). I gave her space to grieve privately. When my wife was ready to reach out to me, we grieved together. It could be similar.... not sure.... but i'm giving him the benefit of doubt that his intentions are good... just distracted.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,753,896 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper
Well I just think its RUDE.
If I was upset or dealing with other issues, I would be thrilled to have a supportive SO on the end of the phone, a soft place to fall.
I wouldn't treat them like they suddenly ceased to exist just because I had other carp going on.
Well honestly, if I lost a huge fixture in my life, like a spouse of 34 years, I would want a woman who I haven't known but two months, who my kids don't like, to allow space so I can deal with this tough time with my kids who can feel the same pain I feel and possibly help the healing process so my kids will be more likely to accept the new woman.
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