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See thread title. "Shy, reserved, non-assertive". Does that tell you anything?
And what do women usually tell men who are shy?...that's right. Tell her the same thing: go for it! man up! don't be a sissy! Shyness won't get you anywhere, etc. I know the forum is more sympathetic with female posters but I don't see why it would be any different to tell her to just go for it and not live "What would have happened if I tried?" It would be disappointing to see this guy end up taken out or taking out a girl who decided to be a bit more brave.
Yes, yes, of course. This post is right on point. Being shy/quiet is often misread as so many negative things. Sad, really.
I also thought it important to note that creeps, losers...sniff women with low self-esteem out like rats to cheese. Just good to be aware of that.
Yea, this world definitely seems to favor extroverts. Sucks.
I can see why men would be shocked at your lack of involvement with men especially if they find you attractive, talented, intelligent, etc. yes, not uncommon at all.
My self-esteem may be low, and I have cried about it and gone through depression. But I am not desperate yet. I am not going to date a guy just so I can say I am dating someone. So the guys who approached me that were less than great, none of them got my number and I didn't go out with any of them. 1 I told my brother to get to leave me alone-the one that was 19-20 and still in HS.
I would just as soon be by myself with my own company than out with a guy I had no kind of attraction to.
So being shy is a curse really. I definitely know that's one of my problems. But I am only shy to making 1st moves. I usually don't speak to people 1st. Now if they come over and speak to me, I can chat up a storm. No problem. lol but if nobody has spoken to me, I usually keep to myself. And it's fine. Better than than some people who wanna make small talk and ask what's going on with you when they know they don't care. lol Almost as if they either wanna be nosy, or they feel bad for you so they come and talk to you.
But rejection really sticks with me. Very pride-wounding and embarrassing really. So fear of rejection is my thing.
Well, there's this guy that's interested in me (I won't bore you with the details) and he's liked me for quite some time now. At first I wasn't attracted to him but the more I learned of him, observed the way he moved...he began to grow on me. Problem is...I'm extremely shy, reserved, non-assertive, and just downright inexperienced with pretty much all things opposite sex.
He's tried so many times to engage me in conversation, holding eye contact and smiling, often coming around where I am, modifying his behavior when around other women, and much, much more.
The second problem is...I am DEATHLY afraid! He is intelligent, handsome, confident and popular (and I don't think I'm too bad myself). You know how the story goes...all the girls love him...he's very flirty (but at the same time I can tell that he doesn't take them seriously.) there's also another girl who is engaged that flirts with him. They are good friends and I think he actually really liked her until he realized he couldn't have her. Once, when he and I first started getting to know each other, she came by and it was like he didn't pay her much attention. I wondered if this was a sign?
At this point, if I just give a look, he's on me. I really like him and I don't want him to think I'm playing games but, my shyness is a huge obstacle for me (always has been) and I hate it. Also, my insecurities about whether he genuinely likes me or not often get the better of me and I shut down. I sense that he really does but all the flirting doesn't help. It's like he can easily take up with another girl. It's so hard to talk to him as I will literally tell myself "I'm gonna talk to him today" and the moment I see him, I clam up!
He gets frustrated with me because he will hang his head or sometimes walk away (I don't want to get played out.)
Any advice from shy ladies like myself? Any success stories? Tips for breaking out of my shell? How to tell if he's really into me?
I am very much like you. That's why I was single for a long time like since birth and it's not even funny. I am married now and what happened to me was, I got tired of being single I mean I was the only single one in my family. All my bro and sis are popping babies left and right and I was still single.
Since I am shy and not approachable, I finally gave in to online dating. Which honestly I avoid like a plague my sister, co-workers were all telling me to do online dating so I finally gave in.
In your case, you already 'caught' a guy. All you have to do is be confident and engage in a conversation if he engage you in a conversation. I know it's hard to do coz I've been there. But you gotta learn to talk back to him WHENEVER he initiates. Don't let your shyness take over. Learn to talk back if he is taking the initiative.
You will lose this guy if you keep giving him silent treatment if he pays attention to you, ya know.
And what do women usually tell men who are shy?...that's right. Tell her the same thing: go for it! man up! don't be a sissy! Shyness won't get you anywhere, etc. I know the forum is more sympathetic with female posters but I don't see why it would be any different to tell her to just go for it and not live "What would have happened if I tried?" It would be disappointing to see this guy end up taken out or taking out a girl who decided to be a bit more brave.
Sure, but first she has to get to the point where she can have a conversation with him, and keep up her end of the convo. Once she gets enough confidence to be able to do that comfortably, then she can take the next step. Easy does it, step by step.
And then we kind of moved around each other silently I guess hoping for the other to strike up a convo. I had to leave. Told another person in the group where I was headed and walked away and he immediately walked behind me, but I took a detour into another room before heading to my destination, and as I look behind me I gasped because I could see he was right on my heels but I had already turned into the other room. BUT! When I got to where I was going a few moments later, he was there!
Ok, maybe just a coincidence but it didn't feel like that to me. He smiled when I walked in and I did too. I was going to strike up a convo but there were other people we were both talking to so I just let it go for now. I will definitely try again tomorrow.
Easiest way to strike up a conversation, ask a question about himself or something he might hold an opinion on. People like to talk about themselves and their opinions. He will do the talking and considering your shyness it takes you off the hook for talking (at least at the start).
shyness has never been an obstacle in relations ,i think he likes you so much but for you to be sure it's ok to ask him when you are alone
Thanks.
I sense that I have to take things slow with this guy. He could even be taken and I don't mess with guys who are already in relationships. Not my bag. And just to think, I didn't even like him at first and now it's come to this. Sometimes I think the universe just likes to punish me.
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