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As much as we try to minimize it, sexual compatibility in a relationship is very important. I was in a similar situation as the OP...........married for 28 years to a nice lady, but we were on different pages sexually. But you stick it out for various reasons (kids , loyalty,not wanting to divorce,etc.)
We finally did divorce and I had a 7 year live in relationship with a lady who was the total opposite of my ex. She was fantastic in bed, had a strong sex drive, was open to playing games and having fun in bed (as opposed to doing it out of duty). It was some of the best sex I ever had and I kept telling her I could have really used her when I was 18 ! We literally had sex every day and sometimes more than that. She told me one time "I love our sex life together", and that is so nice to hear from a partner.
My suggestion to the OP is do what your heart tells you to do. Do you want to live the next 20 years in a sexless relationship ? While you stick it out there is someone out there who is more compatible with your own desires and she will make your life so much better in that regard. Been there, done it.
As much as we try to minimize it, sexual compatibility in a relationship is very important. I was in a similar situation as the OP...........married for 28 years to a nice lady, but we were on different pages sexually. But you stick it out for various reasons (kids , loyalty,not wanting to divorce,etc.)
We finally did divorce and I had a 7 year live in relationship with a lady who was the total opposite of my ex. She was fantastic in bed, had a strong sex drive, was open to playing games and having fun in bed (as opposed to doing it out of duty). It was some of the best sex I ever had and I kept telling her I could have really used her when I was 18 ! We literally had sex every day and sometimes more than that. She told me one time "I love our sex life together", and that is so nice to hear from a partner.
My suggestion to the OP is do what your heart tells you to do. Do you want to live the next 20 years in a sexless relationship ? While you stick it out there is someone out there who is more compatible with your own desires and she will make your life so much better in that regard. Been there, done it.
OK, procedurally, you would leave immediately after the talk?
Yes.
I would make arrangements in advance for somewhere to go, then in your case I would leave after the discussion.
You have already written her a detailed letter explaining your feelings and suggesting a separation. For most, that would be a HUGE catalyst for change. Your wife has shown since then how the future will be.
Now it is imperative for you to follow through in order to get out of this situation that is ruining your health.
The final straw was not actually my choice. I am a pretty forgiving guy and I put up with it for the 28 years because I saw the bigger picture. We had a good life otherwise, both of us made good money, had a nice home, kids were grown, etc. But as the years went on we became further apart and found out, after the kids left, that we really only had them in common.
She saw greener pastures and we split, and it was really a bad breakup. But, after I met the new lady, things got a lot better and I realized what I had been missing out on for all those years. I had basically wasted a lot of my youth, living in a loveless marriage, when I could have been finding happiness elsewhere.
I just had a fellow co worker approach me a few weeks ago, asking how I handled my divorce, because he is tired of the fighting and can't say he feels any love for her any more. I really had no advice for him either, but simply said that divorce is never easy and you have a lot of financial matters to separate, but that he has to decide if he wants the next 17 years to be like the last 17. Each person has to decide that for themselves.......there is no one correct answer for everyone.
Don
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