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Does she own a house or rent? If a house, why wouldn't she want you to move in with her as opposed to her moving in with you? Not saying that you should go for that, either. Is she going to keep her place? Is this possibly about finances?
It sounds fishy that it's so important to "live" with you when she can spend just as much time with you anyway. Of course, if you had let her then it wouldn't be long until she was saying you two "needed a bigger place" and she would have been picking out the new place.
I started seeing someone back in April...
There is chemistry, but we have differences of opinion. She has two sons (20 & 17). Anyway, once our relationship was established, she began to spend more time at my place...Now, I didn't realize it at first (my fault), but her intention was to move in with me. I objected to this for the following reasons:
1) Her sons are still at home - the older son is now home from college. I feel that her son's should be a priority and they are still too young to be without their mom
2) I live in a small apt. There is just not enough room for my and her things.
3) I'm divorced a year now; I've become accustomed to living alone.
We talked last night about 1 and 2. She stated that if she can't live with me, she can't be with me! I have tried to compromise with her, saying that she's welcome anytime, day or night. I told her that I love her, but given the circumstances, it's just not possible for her to live with me at this time. She's packing up and going back home. And ending our relationship!
So, am I the bad guy?
I appreciate her honesty, and would've told her so to her face, at the exact moment she said 'if I can't live with you I can't be with you'. She's not looking for a relationship, she's looking for an opportunity.
Good riddance, brother, you're by no means the bad guy, you're a ****ing superhero.
I started seeing someone back in April...
There is chemistry, but we have differences of opinion. She has two sons (20 & 17). Anyway, once our relationship was established, she began to spend more time at my place...Now, I didn't realize it at first (my fault), but her intention was to move in with me. I objected to this for the following reasons:
1) Her sons are still at home - the older son is now home from college. I feel that her son's should be a priority and they are still too young to be without their mom
2) I live in a small apt. There is just not enough room for my and her things.
3) I'm divorced a year now; I've become accustomed to living alone.
We talked last night about 1 and 2. She stated that if she can't live with me, she can't be with me! I have tried to compromise with her, saying that she's welcome anytime, day or night. I told her that I love her, but given the circumstances, it's just not possible for her to live with me at this time. She's packing up and going back home. And ending our relationship!
So, am I the bad guy?
No you are not, she had an agenda and you squashed her forward movement toward that agenda.
You are not ready to live with someone and there is no reason to be forced to live with someone.
It will not make anything easier and could end up causing more trouble because of the resentment of being forced into a situation you did not want.
Be grateful she is packing and moving on, if she was not completely honest about this what else has she not been honest about?
I appreciate her honesty, and would've told her so to her face, at the exact moment she said 'if I can't live with you I can't be with you'. She's not looking for a relationship, she's looking for an opportunity.
Good riddance, brother, you're by no means the bad guy, you're a ****ing superhero.
So true! OP, don't think of yourself as a "bad guy" for one second. You dodged a bullet.
It's YOUR life, you certainly have no reason to feel bad about not wanting to live with her. She's kinda rushing things too.
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No. You are NOT the bad guy. She was making demands and having expectations about something that should have been discussed way before her attempts to move in with you.
If she is so unrealistic...let her go and move on.
^^^this^^^
Stick to your own plan, be nice, and see what happens. If things don't work out, that's a good thing in this situation. Being just a year out of divorce yourself, don't rush into anything as you still need time to recover/heal. If you don't take that time, you will quickly find yourself in another poor relationship.
Well, she's gone...
She says she loves me but not sure that it's gonna work out between us. Says that she's "giving me time" to decide "what my intentions are". We'd been arguing on and off the past week. Obviously, my intentions are no more drama! If that means it's over, oh, well.
You're not the bad guy. Lots of red flags with her. Write her off and move on.
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