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Hello all,
I'm going to jump right into it. Okay, I'm married and have been for over 6 years now. We had our problems in the beginning but managed to get through them together. Recently, I told my husband, I wanted a divorce, I told him that I still loved him but not in-love with him any more. But after a while, I felt bad on how he was acting and how down he was and took it back. He's a great husband, supportive, faithful (well now he is), and everything. He's amazing, it's just that he stepped out on me once (over 2 yrs ago) and for some reason, I haven't forgotten it. I mean, I let him back into my life with a clear slay but deep down I put my guard up and haven't let it down. I've been seeing a therapist and everything. I do love him but I don't want to be without him. It's crazy or maybe I'm just crazy. He has totally changed from when that happened. I want to leave but I'm scared, I mean, we just bought our new home (a year ago) and I just start working at good paying job, but still not enough to get by on my own... I'm going out of town for a couple of months due to work and will make a lot of extra cash, I figured, I'd switch bank accounts while I'm gone and ask for a divorce again... I don't know, I don't want to hurt his feelings but at the same time, I also want to be happy. This is killing me... What's wrong with Me????
I don't think theres really anything abnormal about your feelings. When you both love, and trust a person, and they betray you, it hurts really bad. And adultry is possibly the worst hurt a spouse can inflict on the other. In fact, for me, THAT would have been a dealbreaker back when it first happened. I don't like to encourage divorce between people, but you do need to be honest with your own feelings. I mean, are you confusing feelings of pity for him with feelings of love? My own belief is that when one spouse has cheated, and the couple decide to try to work it out, this is what should happen. I think they should re-new their vows because the original vows have been broken. Then continued counseling to work on the trust issue. On the bright side, I have seen this with two different couples, and they seem happier than ever. I send you my best wishes, and I for sure don't think you are crazy, or abnormal in your feelings!
I don't think theres really anything abnormal about your feelings.
I mean, are you confusing feelings of pity for him with feelings of love?
I agree, I think how you're feeling is completely normal. It's scary to end a relationship and scarier when you're worried about financial problems - I was but, I got by. I have a friend who was, but she got by too. At the end of the day if you're not happy you need to get out, but don't expect to suddenly not care about your husband's unhappiness, because you're bound to feel for him. I think for me that was the hardest part of breaking up with my ex but it had to be done.
Be a bit more gentle on yourself, it's not easy. Good luck
Boy does that sound familiar.....I did the same thing myself! I also had couseling...over and over again...finally I realized it was a "mood" I would go into, and I figured out, over years, what would trigger that "mood", and I began to deal with it as such! Of course, I had children, so my decisions weren't just going to affect me, but others as well, and here I am married 33 years this year! Many others who go through this may act on it and move on...I'm glad I didn't! I simply figured it out...and by the way, there's nothing wrong with you, just for the record!! You just gotta figure it out too....and it ain't easy
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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Same thing happened to me. Found out husband had a gf. He, she and I tried to work it out, but months later....she was still on his cell phone bill. How in the heck are you expected to have that sort of suspicion on your mind for the rest of your life? You can't. At least I couldn't, but was willing to because of our daughter.
He divorced me.
If you polled the three of us on our level of happiness and life satisfaction, him...miserable, her...miserable with him, me...walking on sunshine. Did they do anything to me? Heck no...but I will never forgive them for what they did to my daughter.
And when you think you can't afford to leave? I left with $100 and a fork and am living the quality of live I only dreamt of when I was married.
There Is Nothing Wrong With You. Divorce And Going Out On Your Own Is Never Easy. Making A Decision And Sticking To It Is Even Harder. I Am In A Similar Situation But Have Three Kids To Worry About Besides Myself. I Asked For A Divorce And Felt Bad And Took Him Back Because He Was So Upset. I Also Seen How Upset One Of My Children Was. But Now I Feel Like I'm Trapped Again. I Ask Myself Everyday If Sacrificing My Happiness Is Worth It? Hurting Someone Who You Care About Is One The Hardest Things To Deal With. I Feel Your Pain.
I do not think anything is wrong with you.. this is the way that you feel.. but I feel that you should be telling him now instead of setting up a seperate account and then doing it.. Be up front with him.. you have to do what you have to do.. if you feel that is what you need to do then I for one would not hold anyone back .. go do it..
But dont do it from afar.. leaving town and then calling him to let him know you want a divorce is not cool either...
As one person said it's like going through a death. A death of a relationship. It's tough, but you also have to be happy. The same thing happened to me 2 years ago and I let him back. I'm still trying to deal with this. It is difficult. I want answers and I'm not getting them. I want it to put it to rest. All I get is I don't have an answer why I did it. My counselor says sometimes they don't know why they did it. I said to her the grass wasn't greener on the other side. And she said yeah, it got brown real quick! You're not crazy either, these are normal feelings. I wish the best of luck to you.
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What's Wrong With Me?
