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Yes, people are insufferable when looking for love, pursuing love, or otherwise going about with love, sex, and/or romance on the brain.
I've noticed that women's profiles are often a list of disclaimers, at least to start off with. And you can spot the men who are bitter with the game from a mile away. My ex has been complaining about how dismal his results with OLD have been..."it's not fair it's so much easier for the women," "it's a popularity contest based on having a pretty face," and got so mad that he wasn't getting any attention there, that he torched his profile and wrote a bunch of "I'm so done with this, this whole thing is stupid, message me if you want to know anything ever."
And yet still. No one messaged him.
Needy didn't work. Bitter and angry didn't work. What could he be doing wrong?
Then it was my fault for not being able to take a good picture of him, nor taking the time to help him with his profile (write it for him.) Seriously after what we've been through, and how he is acting...I can't make him look like a catch because at the moment he just isn't one. It's not because his face is ugly (it isn't, when he's smiling in genuine enjoyment of something and not scowling defensively) it's because his attitude is.
But believe me as a bi woman, I'm not blind to the offputting things women often put on profiles either...
And then there is having to deal with people in person who are in this place...from those like me who will run on at the mouth about every new person we meet (I'm sure half my family wants to shoot me by now) to those who are in a state of angst over lack of success, to those who are just trying to figure out who they are, how they should do this, and what they even want out of it.
Yeah, it's a mess. And sometimes it's a wonder we even manage to continue and proliferate as a species. For such smart creatures we humans can be incredibly dumb.
The bold is what I've been struggling with. I know where I'm at and where I'm going in life. I think this bothers women, because I probably lead too much with it. I come off as condescending and a know it all, when all I really want to come across as is knowing what I want out of life.
Well, thankfully, I'm not bitter about the experience (not sure that works either... LOL). I must be the exception here, and that's why I was curious on the attitudes of those who seek love versus those who just let the universe deliver it.
I'm happy with myself and happy being single, and would far prefer keep it that way in lieu of engaging any of the nasty people out there. ¯\(°_o)/¯
I am also a member of the "just let it happen" club. Just with my job alone I literally have men lined up to talk to me. I kid ( I work as an airline's reservations agent), they are buying tickets and such, but I have met some interesting men and have dated a few of them. I also have a few hobbies that attract men as well which allows me even more chances to meet someone. Between work and my outside activities there seems to be an never ending parade of men to choose from. They may not ALL be interested in me, but there are enough to keep things interesting. I am not looking for a steady " relationship", but the potential is there.
I am also a member of the "just let it happen" club. Just with my job alone I literally have men lined up to talk to me. I kid ( I work as an airline's reservations agent), they are buying tickets and such, but I have met some interesting men and have dated a few of them. I also have a few hobbies that attract men as well which allows me even more chances to meet someone. Between work and my outside activities there seems to be an never ending parade of men to choose from. They may not ALL be interested in me, but there are enough to keep things interesting. I am not looking for a steady " relationship", but the potential is there.
Yeah, I had a few friends who worked for the airline industry and the definition of the modus operandi of the prototypical woman there was pretty much on level with where you're at, Sydney.
That said, I can't imagine a juxtaposition more apples-to-oranges than a female "casual" dater working in a service industry and my scenario as a male business professional seeking a compatible, long term partner. Online dating offers more opportunity and sortion with respect to my position. The aforementioned "organic" approach, not so much.
Girls get away with it, because they're not out messaging first, statistically. They pretty much know the guy, or some guy, is going to message them. They've likely already said that what's in their profile doesn't matter. Also, women get just as frustrated as men do. How do you think a woman feels when she thinks a guy really likes her, sleeps with her, and then he disappears or stops returning phone calls and text messages? She feels used and led on. Most likely she's going to be more guarded for the next guy.
Something else I've noticed is people are generally attracted to what they're attracted to. I had an old friend that no matter what she tried, she was always drawn to men who were affiliated with the arms services. She would try and date a guy who wasn't, but it would always come up that he was involved in some way.
That's what I've learned over the last couple of years of dating. You can be a jerk, a nice person, or somewhere inbetween, but in really doesn't matter all that much. If he's attracted to the pretty woman and not the woman who will treat him right, there's nothing you can do about it. I've met my fair share of women who said they're tired of players and men that won't commit, but they still end up with those guys. They can't help what they're attracted too, they just hope the next one they meet will be more honest.
I tend to be attracted to women who don't know what they want, but the women seem to be attracted to men who let them call all the shots. Then they get upset when the guy breaks up with them out of the blue or cheats on them. I can't help what I'm attracted to either. It just is what it is.
Did you really just explain to me how dating feels for women?
Did you really just explain to me how dating feels for women?
Nope. There's no denying that people, men or women, are attracted to what they're attracted too. You can't convince someone to be attracted to you that isn't. I've read enough profiles online to know that there's enough women out there that know men don't read their profile. That's why they add the disclaimer, because they're not satisfied with stating in their profile that they don't like football and the guy ask what she thinks about the Denver Broncos. That's the point I was getting at.
I've read enough profiles online to know that there's enough women out there that know men don't read their profile. That's why they add the disclaimer, because they're not satisfied with stating in their profile that they don't like football and the guy ask what she thinks about the Denver Broncos. That's the point I was getting at.
Well, I always read the profiles, as I don't want to meet or even go on a date with someone who's not compatible with me. I can't see where people seem to be the least bit appreciative that I do make the time and effort to.
And it's not gender-specific, either. A good portion of the women who view and occasionally message me aren't generally reading mine, nor paying attention to the match percentage. Single moms, devout believers, conservative, vanilla, notably older than myself, and so on. It doesn't take much to tell we're polar opposites. I don't get it.
Nope. There's no denying that people, men or women, are attracted to what they're attracted too. You can't convince someone to be attracted to you that isn't. I've read enough profiles online to know that there's enough women out there that know men don't read their profile. That's why they add the disclaimer, because they're not satisfied with stating in their profile that they don't like football and the guy ask what she thinks about the Denver Broncos. That's the point I was getting at.
Of course people are attracted to what they are attracted to, but men would fare better if they would read the profile. At least with women who have core values that are important to them.
Perfect example is the guys who send me messages and have pictures of the Confederate flag in their profiles. Then their questionnaire reads that they think people of different races shouldn't marry. I will never be compatible with this type of person.
Well, I always read the profiles, as I don't want to meet or even go on a date with someone who's not compatible with me. I can't see where people seem to be the least bit appreciative that I do make the time and effort to.
And it's not gender-specific, either. A good portion of the women who view and occasionally message me aren't generally reading mine, nor paying attention to the match percentage. Single moms, devout believers, conservative, vanilla, notably older than myself, and so on. It doesn't take much to tell we're polar opposites. I don't get it.
I agree.
After you mentioned it the other day, I went back on mine to browse around. One guy I found attractive mentioned he doesn't like bigger women. Why would I message him? But I bet some women do, because they think THEY will be that one to change his mind.
After you mentioned it the other day, I went back on mine to browse around. One guy I found attractive mentioned he doesn't like bigger women. Why would I message him? But I bet some women do, because they think THEY will be that one to change his mind.
The other reality is that his definition of bigger and her definition of bigger could be two different things. It's why when I'm meeting someone or just conversing with them and we get on the subject of what they're looking for, I ask for their definition. It could be very different from mine.
You know, most people I know in life are open, easy-going individuals; most of them happily coupled; and most met "organically", if you will... but as a guy reading profiles online, I really wouldn't want to even be in line behind the vast majority of them at a grocery store. I rarely feel inclined to message anybody after reading their profiles.
I mean, I'm actively looking... mainly because the organic approach ain't offering up jack these days... maybe I'm insufferable as well and just don't realize it. Maybe there's some self-selection bias going on here based on personality type. Just pondering while I wait for my hairdresser to free up...
Meeting someone organically? What does that mean? Is that people who hook up in the produce department at the gorcery store?
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I kid ( I work as an airline's reservations agent), they are buying tickets and such, but I have met some interesting men and have dated a few of them. I also have a few hobbies that attract men as well which allows me even more chances to meet someone. Between work and my outside activities there seems to be an never ending parade of men to choose from. They may not ALL be interested in me, but there are enough to keep things interesting. I am not looking for a steady " relationship", but the potential is there. 
Single moms, devout believers, conservative, vanilla, notably older than myself, and so on. It doesn't take much to tell we're polar opposites. I don't get it. 
Maybe there's some self-selection bias going on here based on personality type. Just pondering while I wait for my hairdresser to free up...
