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If you think facing the future without him is scary, be prepared for facing the future with him to be terrifying! These types of behavior rarely get better, if ever. All the red flags are there for you to see. Blaming you, forcing you to do things you find painful, disgusting, uncomfortable, whatever it is, is wrong of him to do. It's your body, your life. He doesn't have the right to do any of this. You have offered to work through this with him. He refuses. Because he has no interest in compromise or making sure it's right for each of you. He wants his way & knows he would be called out by a therapist. He is abusing you!! Make it stop or get as far away from him as you can.
Just as an FYI, he is not FORCING me to do anything. I'm not sure how you came to that conclusion. Also, he's not a terrifying man. If you read my previous responses, you will see that we get along most of the time. It's just these things he WANTS me to do for him simply because I'm his wife and according to him, "when you're in a relationship, you do what the other person likes". My original point was that I was finding myself thinking that he was no longer the person I originally fell in love with and this was one of the reasons why and just wanted opinions as to whether he had a point or if me not liking them and him not understanding that, therefore driving me bonkers was justified.
Just as an FYI, he is not FORCING me to do anything. I'm not sure how you came to that conclusion.
Um, hold on just a dang minute.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hpotterfan77
I have tried telling him that I don't like some of the things he does or wants me to do and he just says that I'm boring, am becoming like my mother (bitchy and prude) or that because I'm his wife, I should just do what he likes because a relationship is about making the other person happy and doing things they like but I can't imagine that that includes things that make me feel uncomfortable.
If he says this ^^^^ when you protest, then he's trying to force you by emotionally manipulating you.
Maybe he's not holding you down and raping you, but you're doing it against your will.
If he says this ^^^^ when you protest, then he's trying to force you by emotionally manipulating you.
Maybe he's not holding you down and raping you, but you're doing it against your will.
You need professional help.
^This OP. He didn't force you technically, but guilt trip, pressure, coax, or whatever you call it that you're obligated to his requests which you're uncomfortable with, practically is. By reading your post about his behaviour is enough turn off from description, and it doesn't seem you're here to justify what you feel. More like you're trying to justify your husband's rubbish.
Ok, so a little update for everyone. After getting everyone's advise and some advise from close friends and some family, I finally broke down this weekend and laid it all out for him. I told him exactly how I was feeling, how I felt that he made me feel and told him that I was seriously considering a separation. We had a very long discussion on the matter and told me he didn't realize that he was making me feel the way he felt and that he did not want me to leave him. He has promised me that he will stop being such a jerk in certain areas and realizes that he has gone overboard in others. We will see if he truly means what he says but he says he truly wants to work on things and make our marriage better because he truly loves me and doesn't want me to leave. I have told him that if starts to go south again, there won't be another conversation to be had. Only time will tell....
Ok, so a little update for everyone. After getting everyone's advise and some advise from close friends and some family, I finally broke down this weekend and laid it all out for him. I told him exactly how I was feeling, how I felt that he made me feel and told him that I was seriously considering a separation. We had a very long discussion on the matter and told me he didn't realize that he was making me feel the way he felt and that he did not want me to leave him. He has promised me that he will stop being such a jerk in certain areas and realizes that he has gone overboard in others. We will see if he truly means what he says but he says he truly wants to work on things and make our marriage better because he truly loves me and doesn't want me to leave. I have told him that if starts to go south again, there won't be another conversation to be had. Only time will tell....
Very well.
I dont understand why people wait so long to bring up their unhappiness. They say nothing, let it fester and consume them; to the point when they do say something, its almost always too late. In essence, not saying anything is self-sabotaging your own relationship.
I dont understand why people wait so long to bring up their unhappiness. They say nothing, let it fester and consume them; to the point when they do say something, its almost always too late. In essence, not saying anything is self-sabotaging your own relationship.
I don't disagree and I really SHOULD have done it sooner. I am glad however that I finally did.
Ok, so a little update for everyone. After getting everyone's advise and some advise from close friends and some family, I finally broke down this weekend and laid it all out for him. I told him exactly how I was feeling, how I felt that he made me feel and told him that I was seriously considering a separation. We had a very long discussion on the matter and told me he didn't realize that he was making me feel the way he felt and that he did not want me to leave him. He has promised me that he will stop being such a jerk in certain areas and realizes that he has gone overboard in others. We will see if he truly means what he says but he says he truly wants to work on things and make our marriage better because he truly loves me and doesn't want me to leave. I have told him that if starts to go south again, there won't be another conversation to be had. Only time will tell....
I dont understand why people wait so long to bring up their unhappiness. They say nothing, let it fester and consume them; to the point when they do say something, its almost always too late. In essence, not saying anything is self-sabotaging your own relationship.
I think she thought she had been bringing it up. She said she'd voiced her discomfort many times, but he would always brush her concerns aside, and get manipulative. This can sometimes leave people confused about how to proceed further.
Ok, so a little update for everyone. After getting everyone's advise and some advise from close friends and some family, I finally broke down this weekend and laid it all out for him. I told him exactly how I was feeling, how I felt that he made me feel and told him that I was seriously considering a separation. We had a very long discussion on the matter and told me he didn't realize that he was making me feel the way he felt and that he did not want me to leave him. He has promised me that he will stop being such a jerk in certain areas and realizes that he has gone overboard in others. We will see if he truly means what he says but he says he truly wants to work on things and make our marriage better because he truly loves me and doesn't want me to leave. I have told him that if starts to go south again, there won't be another conversation to be had. Only time will tell....
Good job!
I wish you all the best.
You did the right thing and now it is up to him to make it work. And if not you can get out of it heads up knowing you did all you could to save it.
I really hope he gets his stuff together and things work out for you two.
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