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It has only been two months, give yourself some more time to heal. You deserve a good women and your ex has way too many issues. You deserve stability. I think as time goes on you will realize you dodged a bullet. I am sorry u r hurting. I have been there and it hurts massively. But please trust me that you dont need a person like this in your life.
Your therapist is right. But you are spinning. Have you had your Wellbutrin evaluated lately?
I just have nothing else to say here because it sounds as though your therapist put it better than I ever could.
I hope you do not hear from this woman. She is toxic for you. I cannot imagine being in such a poor mental state and thinking that the person who was the root cause of that is "the one."
I had my wellbutrin evaluated about a month ago.
Thank you for your input. I know you say you hope I do not hear from her and I've heard that from others BUT... Keep in mind this is someone who did help me through the death of my Mom, comforting me, and being by my side. She did have bright spots, she did love and say she wanted to grow old with me. So there are some key factors for me wanting to hear from her. Being friends at the end of the day for nearly three years, intimate for a little over two. In addition the sex was the most addictive thing I have ever experienced in anything I have across all across the board in my life. As she said during the break up "you'll never find better sex". And I am no man **** but I've had my share of women and there's just no comparison with her. I guess the ex dancer for four years falls into that. Maybe this is somehow playing a party as well in it all. Most people say the things she did wasn't typical of a normal girl. Toys, outfits, role playing nearly every opportunity. I feel like it can be reproduced in the next relationship. But the hardest part is knowing a another man will experience that.
It has only been two months, give yourself some more time to heal. You deserve a good women and your ex has way too many issues. You deserve stability. I think as time goes on you will realize you dodged a bullet. I am sorry u r hurting. I have been there and it hurts massively. But please trust me that you don't need a person like this in your life.
Again something I've heard over and over. I do deserve a good women, but once you've "emotionally cheated", it's difficult to see that person as toxic but rather a victim. If I didn't do that and did what I now in my heart I should have, just broke things off, I highly doubt I would even be in this position.
Also what's to say she doesn't learn from all the wrongs she did, as she said "I did blame myself for your actions". Which granted isn't fair but putting someone through a lot of toxicity is never going to bring out the best in them. Now the new guy is going to get the improved version of her. On the flipside I'm sure she could think now a girl is going to scoop my ex and he'll be super loyal and more attendant to her needs.
Another man will experience the drama and insanity this girl brings. Dont torture yourself like this. This person is not someone you want to spend you life with!! Dont put her on a pedestal.
I've certainly never been disloyal and in fact it's my most valued quality in relationship. I usually always keep ex's coming back because of how well I treat them.
This is your ego talking. Keep that in check.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrmsgq7
My therapist urges me to remember how week in and week out I came in typically unhappy due to her immature dramatic behavior and fights that would occur always engaged by her. She says the break up has somehow caused me to glorify her and almost create a imaginary person loosely based on truth that doesn't exist. A Goddess she said who she says was quite honestly not the person she described for the year plus I visited her. She urges me to remember all the negatives that I described that held me back from fully committing. Either way why the HELL can I not train my mind to believe-see this when it was so easy to while I was with her? Why is my mind keep telling me that she's the one, she was perfect for me, and that I'll never find that right one again.
You're paying good money for this ^^ excellent advice. For God's sake, listen to it. OF COURSE it's manipulation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrmsgq7
How long is this going to take for me to get over it for God sake. It's already been two months how am I still hung up.
"After she's worked on herself ..." LOL
That's just idealization. Your imagination at work again. It's very strong, because your desires for her to be someone else blinded you to the very real and poisonous traits she exhibited day in and day out.
The bad news is that it can take a hell of a lot longer than 2 months. It can take YEARS. But what's that old Winston Churchill quote? "When you're going through hell, KEEP GOING."
Don't stop and hang out, and DON'T GO BACK.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 07-23-2015 at 09:12 AM..
Reason: typo
Pre-relationship which started in 2013 I was a confident, strong, ambitious, caring, passionate, creative guy with the ability to work a room and make everyone love me.
The day I met her, in a bar, she grabbed me, no talking, immediate dancing. She had the body of a super model, eyes of a blue ocean, beautiful blonde hair, I couldn't believe it. I knew God answered my prayers.
'creative guy with the ability to work a room and make everyone love me'... sounds egotistical and narcissistic.
God answers prayers; a lesson to be careful what you wish for.
Unfortunately you ignored the red flags. She's toxic, forget whats wrong with her and work on 'you'.
Another man will experience the drama and insanity this girl brings. Dont torture yourself like this. This person is not someone you want to spend you life with!! Dont put her on a pedestal.
Well said. I'm working on it. This too shall pass. I was there before I met her. I have a better job, living place, and social circle. No reason I can't get there again. Thank you ALL VERY much for the support. Good group here.
'creative guy with the ability to work a room and make everyone love me'... sounds egotistical and narcissistic.
God answers prayers; a lesson to be careful what you wish for.
Unfortunately you ignored the red flags. She's toxic, forget whats wrong with her and work on 'you'.
I think you misunderstood that portion you quoted. I meant I was and am or getting back to being that lovable confident guy. I appreciate the words regardless. I am focusing on myself but it's still difficult to just get over it in two months when I spent nearly three years loving, sleeping, eating, breathing with this person by my side. Coupled with the tie in to my Mothers death and her sort of replacing that comfort. My therapist thinks this is the biggest hump I am unable to get over, and that I am more so hurting through the break up for the loss of my Mom again. 57 years old I saw her suffer from that cancer in a torturous way. I remember her looking over her not knowing who i was because she was in a comma. I picked her up to sit her on the toiler and put her back in bed because she was to weak to move. When she took her last breathe because I asked her to let go as she was struggling to, I held her hand tighter and tighter, this girlfriend was in the room with me. To think that meant nothing and to her and to just forget I exist makes it even more painful. I made mistakes but I'm not a freaking murderer I have a clean record. I did everything in the book to atone it.
I think you misunderstood that portion you quoted. I meant I was and am or getting back to being that lovable confident guy. I appreciate the words regardless. I am focusing on myself but it's still difficult to just get over it in two months when I spent nearly three years loving, sleeping, eating, breathing with this person by my side.
Plenty of people have to recover from doing just that with someone they slept/ate/breathed for 10 times as long.
What's making it harder for you is that it was also three years of being manipulated and used by a sick person.
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