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Tammy, YOU need to love YOU before anyone else can love you. You have some deep seeded issues that you really need to clear before you can hope to have a loving sustaining relationship. I have worked with lots of people in your shoes, and when they do the work necessary to tear down their barricades, they find their heart is 200% ready to love openly, honestly, and willingly. Right now it sounds like you are looking for a man to show you your worth, and this needs to come from within yourself. When it does, you are going to GLOW and emanate this beautiful radiance that men will naturally draw to like bears to honey!! <3
I have to exercise more and eat healthier. I know that no man will look at me till I am at a perfect figure
Incorrect. I'm a BBW lover, and know there are other guys out there like me. I'm not into LTR's anymore, but I'm sure there are guys out there who are looking to settle down with larger women.
But anyone CAN become an energetic, upwardly mobile, and constantly self-improving upbeat personality... Instantly!
When people think of unattractive "fat chicks" (no offense intended), the whole idea is about someone who is overweight, slovenly, and who is self-indulgent in her slovenliness.
On the other hand, a gal who is actively improving herself in mind and body with healthy excercize is thoroughly attractive to men.
Get yourself some nice work out clothes, practical rather than revealing in style, and go out for some vigorous walks to get the heart rate up and take in some fresh air. Enjoy getting out! Enjoy feeling your own energy!
You'll start to glow, inside and out. Yes, there will be extra body fat there for quite a while. Meanwhile as it diminishes, you'll come to feel your muscles at work and find a new sense of self.
Constantly striving, working, achieving -- You can radiate an inner glow. Men like that. A lot!
Picture a big gal, her face rosy from a five mile gentle hike, refreshed by the outdoors and happy from her achievement. Healthy men find that kind of 'persona'...appealing!
Kind of like the whole 'fat thing' gets pushed out of mind by the 'vigorous outdoor gal' thing.
2. You're wrong about men, and if your general take on them is that they require perfection in order to love you, or even care about you, your war is lost before ever it really starts because it's not with men, it's with yourself.
Explanation for 1: Health and fitness are great things and they WILL build your self-esteem on some levels. From what I'm reading, that is as good a place as any to start. But it won't solve all your problems, not by a long shot. This isn't about men liking you, it's about you liking yourself. People hear it, sense it, read it. You're marking your own advertisement down left and right, telling the world you're defective. Who wants defective stuff?
Learn to appreciate who you are, what you are, what you do. Worry about you, and that other stuff will appear.
Explanation for 2: Men are no different than women, other than we generally have larger shoulders and scream more, in deeper tones. And pee standing up, but if women want to, hey -- go for it.
Women spend a LOT of time expressing what men "really" want, convincing themselves on our behalf, pointing out things societal and moral, seemingly at random.
Stop it. We think, we feel, we love, we wish and desire, we dream, we work, we pursue happiness, we make mistakes, we have grand victories, we overcome obstacles (or fail) -- all of the same stuff women do.
Stop telling us what we do and don't want. You would think me delusional if I started telling you what women really want, what they really think, because you'd know differently.
Your problem is feeling sorry for yourself and projecting that into (and onto) the world. It elicits pity, it elicits compassion and sorrow... but it also elicits disgust and disdain whether we wish to admit it or not.
I know, because I used to live there in Sorry-for-Myselfville. It's a crappy place. Pack up and move out of there.
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