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Met a guy 8 years ago, almost 9, on a forum that covered topics we were both interested in. He was stationed in Korea (U S Army), so it was a while before we met in person. We 'clicked'. I fell fast, and so,he said, did he. We lived together for the past 5 years. I saw his kids through the last couple of years of school, cooked, cleaned, etc. for him. He retired and got a job a thousand miles away (literally) as I saw his youngest through his senior year and graduation. In the meantime, we planned to move north nearer to his dad with money his grandfater left him. I came up to NH, found us a small farm and his dad gave ME the money to buy it. Seems the bf had a 'soon to be' ex wife, but not quite ex, that he wanted to hide his assets from. I had to move our entire little farm (animals included!) from El Paso to northern New Hampshire!
Flash forward to two months ago.....
Bf got p'o'd and pulled on gun on my unarmed adult son who was having a petty argument with the bf's adult son.
We left. I was gone three weeks.
We talked about reconciliation on the phone, etc and he asked me to move back up here...he would get counseling, etc. So, I came back.
Found out after returning that he had myriad personal ads, had gotten engaged to TWO women up here and while working a thousand miles away had moved in with a woman and proposed to her! He is also dating several women besides.
I also found out that the entire eight years we have been involved, he always had two or three women 'on the side'. And he lied about his service record. And he has lied about just about EVERYTHING.
I was loyal and faithful the whole eight years.
The house and land are in my name. And my name ONLY.
I could be kind and sign it all over to him......or.......I could sell it and start my life over somewhere else.
Currently the bf lives in the house. No, I do not charge him rent.
Part of me still cares for him, even though I now recognize that he is a sociopath. But, on the other hand, I spent eight years of my life trying to please him and do everything I could to make his life one of comfort and contentment. Do I deserve anything out of this after believing his lies for so long?
Right now I am renting a room from friends and working a minimum wage job...all I could find up here.
So, yea or nay? Should I sell the house and start over that way, or sign it over and hope I can manage on minimum wage and my friends kindness?
Especially interested in the male response here...
DO NOT sign anything over out of "kindness" - you will regret it later.
He lied to you all the way through, you owe him zilch. Except of course half the house morally speaking and I would suggest you sell and split the proceeds otherwise youll never be clear of him.
Kick him out and do whatever gets you the most money. Also please don't have feelings for sociopaths, it makes your whole gender look bad. Also never date active duty military (unless you are in same town and have mutual friends)
OMG. This is like most nightline documentary I see on TV. I honestly can't believe men or women that do this can REALLY get away living double, triple lives. And it's always the partner that is the LAST to know. However do they get away with it. I will forever be amazed.
But ALWAYS the common denominator though is.... they are 'away' for military service. Yeah ok. That's why really I don't see the point of staying a couple when you live apart. Coz of situations like this..
OP, sell the house. And run and hide from this cheating loser. FOREVER! Don't give him a penny. You deserve EVERY penny of it. And he deserve to lose this house AND you.
Don't EVER sign anything to give this a-hole this house. For what? It's not his, It's YOURS!
I don't see why you would still care for someone who pulls a gun on your son, much less want him in your life and in your home. That, right there, would be grounds for for him to go. There are certain lines that should not be crossed. Him having women on the side was bad enough. But hey, everyone has their own personal breaking point. The question you should be asking yourself is, have reached yours?
it was his father who gave her the cash, no doubt assuming she would look after his son for ever with it.
If she DOESNT give him a settlement he will never ever move on. Its a false economy. His bitterness will cause him to stalk her for the rest of her days.
They were a couple, she raised his kids so for all intents and purposes they were married.
The house is half his and most likely a court will agree.
it was his father who gave her the cash, no doubt assuming she would look after his son for ever with it.
If she DOESNT give him a settlement he will never ever move on. Its a false economy. His bitterness will cause him to stalk her for the rest of her days.
They were a couple, she raised his kids so for all intents and purposes they were married.
The house is half his and most likely a court will agree.
All of it's in her name and they are not married.
I'm still baffled at her going back to him after he pulled a loaded gun on her son.
I doubt he will stalk her forever...he has to many brides waiting in the wings.
Her assets on cohabitation + his assets on cohabitation
+assets obtained during the relationship by either, from any source
minus the debt obtained during the relationship
+no minor children to consider = 50/50 split
Her assets on cohabitation + his assets on cohabitation
+assets obtained during the relationship by either, from any source
minus the debt obtained during the relationship
+no minor children to consider = 50/50 split
According to her narrative she was not living with him when the money was given to her to buy the farm. He took a job 1000 miles away. Does not sound as if they lived together very long after she was handed the money to purchase the farm.
I'm sure a good attorney will know how to pursue this.
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