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Weird conversation with a long-time friend the other day.
We were having a beer or two together at a bar, catching up. I've known that his marriage hasn't been ideal, based on years of his bitching about it. His wife is, to put it bluntly, weird, secretive, and manipulative. As in she doesn't understand social cues. Meanwhile, my friend is gregarious and funny.
Out of the blue, he volunteered that their sex life is non-existent, and has been for years. This is not a topic I'm comfortable discussing with anyone. But I'm a friend and my job is to listen, right?
So he starts to tell me how his wife, in order to avoid sex, not only gave him permission to go out and have encounters with another woman, but sometimes even sets those trysts up. And she likes to hear the details when he gets home.
Trust me, this ain't for me. I thought this stuff only happened in the pages of Penthouse Letters or something. When I relayed this confirmation to my wife she let out a horrified gasp. More of a yelp, to be precise.
Are we just naive? Or do you know couples that have an understanding? And how would that even work? Again, not for us. Just wondering how commonplace this is.
So he gets to go out and the wife's voyeuristic fetish is satisfied when she hears all about it. Hey as long as he's into it.
I'm not sure why he would tell you about this weird arrangement unless he is not into it and wanted validation that he shouldn't have to like it.
Didn't I say we had a few beers? It was part and parcel of a longer conversation about the state of his marriage. Namely, how she hides money from him and threatens all kinds of nasty legal stuff if he divorced her. In particular, I think this is one of her motivations. She gave him a hall pass so that, in the event of divorce, she could drag his infidelities out in court for all to see.
Yes, this is more common than people would like to think. Being in the mental health field, I've heard numerous stories. I even know some people personally and have been "propositioned." Which is why I don't make assumptions about or idolize other people's relationships, nor am I envious of them. There are also countless stories and confessions online. It would be interesting for a study to be done on this, I'm sure it would blow people's minds. You never what goes on behind closed doors.
Didn't I say we had a few beers? It was part and parcel of a longer conversation about the state of his marriage. Namely, how she hides money from him and threatens all kinds of nasty legal stuff if he divorced her. In particular, I think this is one of her motivations. She gave him a hall pass so that, in the event of divorce, she could drag his infidelities out in court for all to see.
He sounds like a prisoner/slave. Maybe she gets off on that as part of her fetish. I was wondering how he feels about this fetishism and being part of it. Is it a hall pass or is it a demand and part of his being a husband slave. If you think he is being set up did you tell him that? If he is enjoying doing this then he is playing too.
But if what he says is true about her threats he is a victim of abuse and does he want to live the rest of his life this way. He may want to stop playing and secretly record his dom wife threatening him.
He sounds like a prisoner/slave. Maybe she gets off on that as part of her fetish. I was wondering how he feels about this fetishism and being part of it. Is it a hall pass or is it a demand and part of his being a husband slave. If you think he is being set up did you tell him that? If he is enjoying doing this then he is playing too. But if what he says is true about her threats he is a victim of abuse and does he want to live the rest of his life this way. He may want to stop playing and secretly record his dom wife threatening him.
That's kind of my theory. She is really strange. Once threatened him by saying that she would make up an abuse story about him.
My wife can't take her for more than five minutes at a time.
I met him professionally and we just kind of clicked and became really good friends over the course of several years. We decided to have dinner together with our spouses. While he and I cracked jokes nonstop, his wife essentially ignored my wife and texted her son nonstop about the progress of a high school basketball game. My wife was so offended that we've never had dinner with them since.
And it's too bad. Because this is a really great guy. Hilarious, creative, and great conversationalist.
That's kind of my theory. She is really strange. Once threatened him by saying that she would make up an abuse story about him.
My wife can't take her for more than five minutes at a time.
I met him professionally and we just kind of clicked and became really good friends over the course of several years. We decided to have dinner together with our spouses. While he and I cracked jokes nonstop, his wife essentially ignored my wife and texted her son nonstop about the progress of a high school basketball game. My wife was so offended that we've never had dinner with them since.
And it's too bad. Because this is a really great guy. Hilarious, creative, and great conversationalist.
If he really wanted to get out he could. In the end it's worth it. Maybe he's weak, maybe he's not ready, maybe he doesn't want to get out. He doesn't HAVE to engage in these arranged trysts pimped by his wife. If he were disgusted by the whole thing he wouldn't even be able to do IT. So he must enjoy it on some level. Or he is completely broken.
I know couples have arrangements usually don't ask don't tell but this is another level.
Didn't I say we had a few beers? It was part and parcel of a longer conversation about the state of his marriage. Namely, how she hides money from him and threatens all kinds of nasty legal stuff if he divorced her. In particular, I think this is one of her motivations. She gave him a hall pass so that, in the event of divorce, she could drag his infidelities out in court for all to see.
To each his own, I guess. I think every marriage needs to set their own rules.
If he's in Alabama, she can't use adultery as grounds for divorce especially if there is a mutual agreement, which your friend has stated does exist between them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
Yes, this is more common than people would like to think. Being in the mental health field, I've heard numerous stories. I even know some people personally and have been "propositioned." Which is why I don't make assumptions about or idolize other people's relationships, nor am I envious of them. There are also countless stories and confessions online. It would be interesting for a study to be done on this, I'm sure it would blow people's minds. You never what goes on behind closed doors.
Very common, IMO. I'm drawing a blank on that sex researcher, the one they made the movie about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
He sounds like a prisoner/slave. Maybe she gets off on that as part of her fetish. I was wondering how he feels about this fetishism and being part of it. Is it a hall pass or is it a demand and part of his being a husband slave. If you think he is being set up did you tell him that? If he is enjoying doing this then he is playing too.
But if what he says is true about her threats he is a victim of abuse and does he want to live the rest of his life this way. He may want to stop playing and secretly record his dom wife threatening him.
^This. He needs a good, nasty, barracuda attorney. But only if he wants one.
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