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There was a piece on NPR a while ago about changing family structure that was interesting--back in the day, people didn't move around much, so that sort of built-in family support was a lot more common. Something that I hadn't considered, either, was the trend for people having kids later. If someone has kids at 22 and their kids have kids at 22, the 44 year-old grandparents can be a lot more active and helpful than an 80-year-old grandparent can be with a baby or toddler.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 09-19-2015 at 11:30 AM..
There was a piece on NPR a while about changing family structure that was interesting--back in the day, people didn't move around much, so that sort of built-in family support was a lot more common. Something that I hadn't considered, either, was the trend for people having kids later. If someone has kids at 22 and their kids have kids at 22, the 44 year-old grandparents can be a lot more active and helpful than an 80-year-old grandparent can be with a baby or toddler.
Yep. Depends. We are outliers in both senses - we consciously choose to locate near family to have that family participation in raising a child. I have moved a lot, so has my spouse, but for starting a family, we definitely wanted a home base that comes with family support. We also are starting our family later (38 and 43). My MIL is 71, my FIL is 66. My parents, who aren't as nearby, are 63 and 68. All are extremely active (I actually went treetop ziplining with my MIL in England, having your ass kicked by a 70 (at the time) year old who can scramble up trees and swing from ropes WAY faster and better and with less trepidation than you is humbling!). I recognize that health and wellness can change at any time, but that's just kind of life. You NEVER know when that will change, regardless of age.
Yep, it's a big reason that locating near at least one side of family whenever possible (my spouse is military, so it's NOT always possible, obviously, but right now, he's reserve side, so we have a lot more choice in life as long as that continues) is a major, top priority, in terms of starting a family, for both my spouse and I.
Both my spouse and I were raised with grandparents who were both geographically and emotionally close, and it was a MAJOR positive in our lives. We both spent enormous amounts of time with grandparents all through childhood. We decided early on that we wanted that for our own kids as much as possible, as well.
We are both very, very, very family oriented, though. Which, to some people, is the very epitome of "boring." It's not to me, though. My siblings, sibling-in-laws, their spouses, etc., are my best friends in the world. In all honesty, if I have a chance to spend leisure time with family or leisure time with friends, I'm going to choose family about 99.9999% of the time, without batting an eye.
That's awesome. I wish my kids are more opportunities for extended family relationships, but that's just not going to happen. I have no family at all, so that's out. My in-laws live only 20 minutes away, but they've never been hands-on grandparents. My father-in-law does try to come around more often lately, but they're both very detached people in general. The Mr. does have some extended family that we usually get to see once or twice per year, so it's really just the two of us for 99% of the time.
Well, and some people have family who are not people you want to bring a kid around. I can acknowledge that both my spouse and I have very strong, functional, positive families, which not everyone has.
But, even without that being the case, I know there are people who do think that having family as your main, preferred social bonds must be INCREDIBLY boring. But for me, it's not, at all. Luck of the draw, I guess.
You can go ahead and question the premise or chalk this up to snark (but please do spare me the "but I'm married and totally not boring!")....
When I think of the coolest, most interesting people I know, none are partnered up nor have any prospect in signt.
Most of the marrieds I know, including the very happy ones, are incredibly dull and ordinary, however inoffensively "pleasant".
So which came first - the marriage or the boring?
Are unique, fascinating, passionate types possibly not cut out for long-term coupling?
Depends on your definition of "boring". I find people that skydive, go wine tasting constantly, and travel a lot to be boring (and, yes, I've done these things) and rather generic.
I'm going into my fifth year of marriage (anniversary in November) and it's been pretty great. My SO and I travel a lot and enjoy spending time outdoors. We're actually planning on going to Maine when Winter kicks in.
As for boring, I think a dose of it from time to time could be beneficial. I mean you can do so many cool and exciting things until it gets tiresome.
You can go ahead and question the premise or chalk this up to snark (but please do spare me the "but I'm married and totally not boring!")....
When I think of the coolest, most interesting people I know, none are partnered up nor have any prospect in signt.
Most of the marrieds I know, including the very happy ones, are incredibly dull and ordinary, however inoffensively "pleasant".
So which came first - the marriage or the boring?
Are unique, fascinating, passionate types possibly not cut out for long-term coupling?
It depends on the people in the marriage! A marriage is composed of two separate and distinct entities.
If a person is a bore, they will more than likely be so regardless of the situation or relationship they are in.
OP--
Look, boring people are a dime a dozen! It's not surprising you run across a lot of them. Now, whether your idea of boring is the same idea I have about what constitutes a bore, is whole other thing. For example, I find people who bar hop, smoke, drink, and/or do drugs (pretty much do the whole stereotypical party scene crap), to be boring as hell.
You do not have to be anything but boring if you are boring.
Basically that is what I was thinking. I wonder how many over 40 year olds the OP knows that are just the coolest single people in the world.
OP compare people married to not married after age 40 and see what that looks like. You probably consider the people you know "boring" because you feel left out because your life is just different. Some day, if you're the one married, your single unmarried friends will probably think that way. When you feel left out of the relationship...........
A person is boring because they are boring. It doesn't matter who you are with. If you are boring, you'll need to find someone to offset that or you may suspect your relationship with them is the cause of "boring".
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For example, I find people who bar hop, smoke, drink, and/or do drugs (pretty much do the whole stereotypical party scene crap), to be boring as hell. 
