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So how long do you wait? Let's say you go out on a date and it lasts 2 hours. Do you kiss and feel you have accomplished the proper connection after 2 dates or 4 total hours? I am able to feel very connected to someone in about 10 minutes if the chemistry is there because the chemistry really is the connection in the first place.
She said in EVERY way, not just in The Sex Way, which is what you are describing.
I've had a couple of guys online block me and call me a gold digger because I said I really do not like coffee dates and just won't do them anymore.
What are you saying to these guys that they think you're a gold digger because you won't do a coffee date? That alone makes me wonder if it's HOW you're saying it that triggers them to think you NEED the full dinner/date thing. If you said exactly what is bolded above, then I can see why they call you that; it screams high maintenance and spoiled to me.
I went on a huge dating spree and no man has ever said that to me nor blocked me because I wouldn't go on a coffee date. Many of them started with the coffeehouse suggestion and typically I would decline and say "I'm not a coffee drinker. Do you know if they have teas or smoothies?" or I'd say, "I'm not a big coffee drinker, how about XYZ instead?" or I'd suggest a different coffeehouse that I know has things I want and an environment I'm good with. Are you doing one of those three or are you literally just writing what you said above?
Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh, but if it's happening a lot, then it's you. Figure out what you're doing first, then maybe try rewording things or being more flexible by finding spots you are good with and suggesting those.
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I find the environment sterile, kids are coming in and out, it's loud from hearing drink orders and machines, and imo, it's just too casual and not intimate
I was going to write what I like/don't like, but honestly, you should look for someone that feels the same way you do, even if they suggest a coffeehouse first. And find someone who agrees with your time frame for the first date. If you're okay with a 2 hour date, make sure he is. He deserves an out as much as you do.
My two cents, you live in SD, there's tons of free and not time consuming things to do. Find a few things and when you decline a coffee house, suggest one of the other items and explain why. For example, if Joe says, "let's meet at Starbucks" you could say, "I'd prefer something a little more intimate where we can talk more freely. Are you open to meeting at XYZ? We can walk around, grab food/drink if we want, etc." That way, you're telling them what you WANT and also you're keeping it free. Remember, dating can be expensive. More so for a man that likes to pay. So when you offer up alternatives, make sure you're not going to break his bank. Personally HH is not cheap. It's usually a two drink minimum then food. That's a lot if a man intends to pay. If you offer up HH, I'd suggest you let them know upfront you'll pay yours, because that way, they can decide what they can afford (to pay for yours or not).
Good luck.
BTW, really think about what you want in a man. I like a guy who'll make the plans, but I'll also usually give him some criteria (I don't drink coffee, but I'm good with teas or smoothies. I'd also like to be able have a conversation w/o yelling or whispering). But because he is the making the plans, I'm also very flexible. So if they suggest coffeehouse, then I'll go and check it out w/o any further commentary. And if it doesn't have those things, I probably wouldn't go on a second date, but it depends. lol. In the process, I have found a few awesome places I would definitely revisit and I found out if the guy is considerate enough to figure out something that I would like too. Win-win.
I don't really drink so if it's someone I don't know very well, I would do a coffee "meet", but at a place like a bookstore. If it was someone I knew previously as a friend or acquaintance, I'd consider it a true "date", and would enjoy a museum, or the zoo, or a festival.
Remember, dating can be expensive. More so for a man that likes to pay. So when you offer up alternatives, make sure you're not going to break his bank. Personally HH is not cheap. It's usually a two drink minimum then food. That's a lot if a man intends to pay. If you offer up HH, I'd suggest you let them know upfront you'll pay yours, because that way, they can decide what they can afford (to pay for yours or not).
I have never cared at all what a date costs or what I spent on someone to get to know them better. If you are a man and concerned about spending money on a woman... Stay home and watch porn.
So how long do you wait? Let's say you go out on a date and it lasts 2 hours. Do you kiss and feel you have accomplished the proper connection after 2 dates or 4 total hours? I am able to feel very connected to someone in about 10 minutes if the chemistry is there because the chemistry really is the connection in the first place.
You're missing the point.
It's not a matter of waiting, per se. It's a matter of feeling real chemistry and connection, not just temporary physical attraction and horniness. It CAN happen immediately after meeting someone for the first time (it's happened to me a couple of times in my 40+ years), but it's quite rare, IMO.
Plus, to be honest, people define what a true connection is differently. What you consider being "very connected" to someone could be different from what I consider it to be.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 09-20-2015 at 05:17 PM..
I have never cared at all what a date costs or what I spent on someone to get to know them better. If you are a man and concerned about spending money on a woman... Stay home and watch porn.
That's great if you're rich and can spend whatever you want on first dates. Some men don't have that luxury and I acknowledge and respect that. I'm sure they appreciate it.
I know on here based on lerking, most people prefer it especially if you are meeting someone off the internet for the first time. I've done so many in the past that I just cannot do them anymore. I find the environment sterile, kids are coming in and out, it's loud from hearing drink orders and machines, and imo, it's just too casual and not intimate. Also at many Starbuck's and independent coffee shops that I've been too, finding seating away from others is hard to come.
I understand people not wanting to do dinner dates on the first date especially since it may be just 1 bad date costing a lot of money (I'm assuming on a meal, salad, and a drink). This is why I prefer the first date (or first meet how most of you say it but I think calling it a first meet sounds strange) to be something like during happy hour for a drink or 2. It's more of an adult atmosphere, gets me in the dating mood over a coffee shop, and I like a drink every now and then.
I've had a couple of guys online block me and call me a gold digger because I said I really do not like coffee dates and just won't do them anymore.
Those of you who do prefer coffee dates, what time of day do you have them?
I just know with me, my work hours are 8:30-4 (not including driving time), and I like to shower and change for dates so during the week, I'll be frank I do like dinner dates given the time. If it's during the week and I see dinner not happening, then yeah I like to grab a drink at around 8. Weekends though, I think late afternoon/early evening times for a drink are great.
I agree with you. I've been having this ongoing debate about it with a buddy of mine. I told him I prefer drinks and he prefers coffee. He said he feels less pressure with coffee. I may start trying it because I'm tired of wasting so much money. But I agree its not necessarily ideal.
I've always said that happy hours at the best, you can have a drink or two, if you hit it off you can maybe have dinner a little later, or simply just have some apps at the bar. If things aren't so great, it's early enough to salvage the afternoon/evening.
This can also apply to coffee too, but like the OP mentioned, it feels more sterile. Sometimes when find a nice cozy lounge they can be more intimate in a way.
I've always said that happy hours at the best, you can have a drink or two, if you hit it off you can maybe have dinner a little later, or simply just have some apps at the bar. If things aren't so great, it's early enough to salvage the afternoon/evening.
This can also apply to coffee too, but like the OP mentioned, it feels more sterile. Sometimes when find a nice cozy lounge they can be more intimate in a way.
Yeah, typically, sometimes places will be a bit earlier or last a bit longer.
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