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Maybe he's not ready for marriage or doesn't want it at all because if he says "I LOVE YOU" then in time you'll wonder when he'll propose to you and they'll potentially be a thread on that.
I have trouble understanding how someone could come here asking for opinions and then argue with people who's opinion she doesn't agree with.
Huh? I wasn't arguing. I was correcting what was obviously misinformation. And though I said I didn't like having to defend my relationship, I also acknowledged that I started the thread. Which meant that I understood that when I started a thread and asked for people's opinions, I knew I should be ready for the responses.
Maybe he's not ready for marriage or doesn't want it at all because if he says "I LOVE YOU" then in time you'll wonder when he'll propose to you and they'll potentially be a thread on that.
Actually, he's the one who believes in marriage and has stated he would like to get married someday (we weren't discussing us specifically; it was a general discussion of marriage). I'm the one who is undecided about marriage in general because of my bad experience with it. He told me, though, that if I ever decide that marriage is definitely not for me, I should let him know so he can move on and find someone who's open to it. But for now, we have both agreed that it's too soon for us to talk about getting married.
In any case, like I said on a previous page, I have gained some perspective on this issue, and I'm not nearly as upset about not hearing the words as I was when I started this thread. Thanks for all your input!
Ok, so I was going to close this thread, but there's a recent development: In a recent conversation, he asked if I was happy. He often checks in on the relationship, at different points, asking if I'm happy or "Are you digging this so far?" He said he was asking because he is happy, and he wants to make sure I'm happy, too. My response was, "Yes, I'm very happy, you're an awesome boyfriend, in spite of the fact that I'm not used to this much slower pace, compared to all my previous relationships, where everything developed quickly." One of his responses was, "I understand, but honestly, how would you have felt if I had said 'I love you' a week or two after we started going out? Wouldn't that have freaked you out?"
I said I wouldn't have believed it then, because it was so soon. I would expect that a statement like that would be followed by, "Well, now I can say I love you," right? But it wasn't. Which is confusing, because if the 3 words were brought up in that context, then why noy say something along the lines of "We've been going out for 6 months. I love you."
And yeah, that could have been my cue to say "Well, you can say it now," or "I love you." But I didn't because it kinda boggled my mind why he brought it up in the first place if he wasn't going to utter the words anyway.
All I wanted to say was, "But duh, it's been more than a week, dude?!"
Last edited by thatgirl10000; 10-08-2015 at 01:54 PM..
I don't remember writing anywhere how we started, but it was the opposite of what you had written.
I was referring to directly what you posted just a couple of days ago:
Quote:
Originally Posted by thatgirl10000
Hmmm, he's not that type at all. In fact, in the beginning, I was aloof. His reaction was, he pulled back and even stopped contacting me for a month. It was only when I made it obvious to him that I really liked him that he started pursuing me again.
I'm not sure what I misunderstood about that?
You seem to be on an emotional roller coaster and flip-flopping all over the place. One minute you are concerned and anxious, asking for opinions and the next minute you are completely satisfied and defending the relationship.
It's not the type of relationship dynamic that I would enjoy, personally, but I'm not you. It must feel okay and acceptable to you, so good luck and I hope things work out for you.
Ok, so I was going to close this thread, but there's a recent development: In a recent conversation, he asked if I was happy. He often checks in on the relationship, at different points, asking if I'm happy or "Are you digging this so far?" He said he was asking because he is happy, and he wants to make sure I'm happy, too. My response was, "Yes, I'm very happy, you're an awesome boyfriend, in spite of the fact that I'm not used to this much slower pace, compared to all my previous relationships, where everything developed quickly." One of his responses was, "I understand, but honestly, how would you have felt if I had said 'I love you' a week or two after we started going out? Wouldn't that have freaked you out?"
I said I wouldn't have believed it then, because it was so soon. I would expect that a statement like that would be followed by, "Well, now I can say I love you," right? But it wasn't. Which is confusing, because if the 3 words were brought up in that context, then why noy say something along the lines of "We've been going out for 6 months. I love you."
And yeah, that could have been my cue to say "Well, you can say it now," or "I love you." But I didn't because it kinda boggled my mind why he brought it up in the first place if he wasn't going to utter the words anyway.
All I wanted to say was, "But duh, it's been more than a week, dude?!"
Again, your expectations are the problem.
He obviously thinks you're progressing in a way that makes sense, and he feels good about that.
Ok, so I was going to close this thread, but there's a recent development: In a recent conversation, he asked if I was happy. He often checks in on the relationship, at different points, asking if I'm happy or "Are you digging this so far?" He said he was asking because he is happy, and he wants to make sure I'm happy, too. My response was, "Yes, I'm very happy, you're an awesome boyfriend, in spite of the fact that I'm not used to this much slower pace, compared to all my previous relationships, where everything developed quickly." One of his responses was, "I understand, but honestly, how would you have felt if I had said 'I love you' a week or two after we started going out? Wouldn't that have freaked you out?"
I said I wouldn't have believed it then, because it was so soon. I would expect that a statement like that would be followed by, "Well, now I can say I love you," right? But it wasn't. Which is confusing, because if the 3 words were brought up in that context, then why noy say something along the lines of "We've been going out for 6 months. I love you."
And yeah, that could have been my cue to say "Well, you can say it now," or "I love you." But I didn't because it kinda boggled my mind why he brought it up in the first place if he wasn't going to utter the words anyway.
All I wanted to say was, "But duh, it's been more than a week, dude?!"
I've changed my view on this. You are the problem. He's opening the door for honest discussion and you won't even give him that, yet you resent him for not being able to give you what you want.
Here's a newsflash- men are not mind readers and it is not our job to guess what you want.
I feel sorry for him.
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