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I think she's too good for you. She's agreed to split the bill and cook for you. She just wants to be treated like a lady now and then. I would be mad too if my bf made me split the bill when I only got a coffee and he got lunch. That would make me think he was being a cheapskate.... and you still call her money hungry??
I do seriously think that if the problem is he wants to see more of her and she doesn't want to go over to his place and cook him dinner, then she needs to verbalize that and he needs to figure out a reasonable solution. There are a lot of people in their twenties who haven't learned to adult yet and when I was in college there were a lot of men who wanted to be mothered and a fair amount of women who grudgingly took care of them since they seemed to need it. This is all avoidable. He could learn to make fajitas or stir fry or other simple dishes. He could eat first and then go over to her place. I guess I still see the money issues as a symptom of a larger problem, and he really sounds like he doesn't have his act together.
I agree, you need to man up and start paying more often. I grew up in a different time with a different mindset..........we guys always paid. After my divorce I lived with a lady for 7 years and she insisted on paying half every time we went anywhere, that made me very uncomfortable. Some times I would say, "Nope, tonight is on me, I want to buy us dinner." She would put up an argument, but I would insist.
I know women won a lot of things that they deserved through the women's movements, but they also lost a lot too. One of them was men being men and women being women........in that, I mean that we used to put women on pedestals and take care of them. Little things, like opening doors, walking on the outside of the sidewalk to protect them, not saying certain words in front of them, and paying for our times out. Now, I see guys walking ahead of their women, letting the door hit them, and treating them like one of the guys.
Start treating her like something special and you will get your rewards in spades, believe me.
Don
I miss the men that are like that. They are like a dying breed. My husband is a gentleman and offers to pay even though I make more than he does. He has his times when he makes more, it's part of his business. He used to have two tat studios, but sold one since he couldn't afford the overhead. It hit him hard. But he is still the man that pays for dinner when we go out. I offer to pay too, but most of the time he tells me to put it away. He knows I give back in other ways that appreciates. It is part of the co-operation. This new generation of guys forget the subtle nuances of what a relationship is about.
I been dating my gf for a year and we split the bills.
But the few times we argued in the last year it was about money.
1) I forgot cash to an event that turned out to be cash only and I asked her to pay for us (she thought I should be more aware and prepared)
2) she wanted me take her out on nice dinner dates more (like 3 - 4 times a year) - dress up type of places. Her argument is she doesn't need to go all the time but wants to be treated just once in a while
3) she got mad when she ordered coffee and I got lunch and I asked the waitress to split the bill. We were amongst other couples and they all shared a bill except us. She didn't like the fact that I couldn't cover even a coffee.
The last conversation I think was unreasonable since I told the lady to "split" the check out of everyone else's. The waitress just took it the wrong way. But my gf argued that "this is the one time I was hoping to share a check, (since we always split the bills) and you couldn't do it right and it was just for coffee.
I don't care if my gf makes more than me, but I feel like she focuses on money a lot.
Her argument is she cooks for me sometimes (which she said she'll stop doing) and that she is usually more of a 60:40 (male/female) type of person but she is now doing 50/50 with me but she still thinks a guy she be more in charge.
I'm starting to wonder if she is not the one. She is my longest relationship, (I'm 32 and she's 26) and other than the arguments above we haven't had any fights.
I want to make this work, but I find her to be demanding where she argues that she is a very reasonable girlfriend. (Since she doesn't mind 50:50 for the most part)
What do you guys think? I will really like any advice. Our argument left a strain in the relationship and I would like to be with her but I'm wondering how much we are to both compromise for each other.
Addition: after the 1st argument, I did became more aware/conscious to carry around cash for events that might require cash only. After the 2nd argument I did take her out to nice dinners twice and also booked a trip for us. I feel like my efforts are being ignored during the coffee incidence
1: Stop the whining about splitting the bill. Man-up and be the gentleman. If all she had was a coffee, just pay for it. However, if she is the kind of girl that wants you to take her out to these expensive places all the time then I would talk to her about it and tell her you would love to pay for her, if we go to more affordable places.
2: Asking for you to take her to a real nice place 3 or 4 times a year isn't so bad. It can be for her birthday, Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve and Christmas. Or you can take her out and pay and say it's just because. Girls like that.
3: So she cooks for you sometimes. I find it immature that she said she will stop cooking for you if you don't pay. Do you guys live together? I cook all the time. I find it sexy when a man knows his way around the kitchen and can cook. Whip her up a nice romantic dinner. That will blow her little socks off!
They very mcuh are a dying breed. Its because chivalry is no longer an attractive trait for a man to display. If it did, most young men would do all tgose things to make your life easier. But from evolutionary perspective winners are those who get to reproduce and losers are those who dont.
does seem a bit cheap....doesn't even seem like a relationship. Seems like you want more of a friend/buddy than a girlfriend...a woman likes to feel special and get wine and dined sometimes...arguing over a check in public is so embarrassing.....I agree with the others you do need to man up and quit focusing so much on money...
Update: the post was written BY the GF pretending to be the BF
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I don't think so. I know people of all ages who carry cash. It doesn't have to be a lot, but enough so you're not stranded or have to whip out a card to pay for a bagel and a cup of coffee. Uber can take forever, and not everywhere has it. I never put tips on cards, either, even if I pay a tab with one. It's just better form and better for the servers, and I try to remember that it hurts small businesses when people pay with credit cards. They feel the bank fees more than a big box store would.
I will never not have at least $40, usually $50 in my wallet. If the OP had that with him/her, the embarrassment over a $2 cup of coffee could have been avoided.
It could be regional. Seriously, none of my friends regularly carry cash. It is more like "surprise I have cash today!" I try to remember to keep $10. But it doesn't always work. No one has a problem using card for a bagel, or coffee....
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