We'd talk for hours every day and night but, she rejected me (dates, married)
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Thanks. Next time I'll make sure to tell her I want sex within the first hour instead of taking it slow and getting to know her. That's clearly the kind of man you respect. Making me out to be such a giant villian. How do you feel about guys who hit it and quit it and don't care to know your last name? Sorry I liked a girl. And sorry I don't want to be best friends with the woman that rejected me.
Wow, you really DO jump to extremes, don't you?
No one suggested any of those things. No one said you had to be best friends. No one compared you to "those guys." That is WAY off topic.
I just think it was interesting that you were happy to be friends with her until you weren't getting what you wanted anymore. You see her as rejecting YOU, but you were the one who cut off the friendship.
Deep down, did you not enjoy her as a person? Did you open up to her and get something positive out if it?
Just don't see why being friends with a girl has to be such a dreadful thing. In fact it could be very positive. She seems to like you and could recommend you to her single friends who might be more compatible with you.
I'm glad other people decided to offer their opinions because I know I'm not crazy. Maybe I don't have much experience with girls, so I could have been looking too deep into things. But generally, I wouldn't text anyone 80 times in one night. Or multiple times throughout the week for 1-2 months. In addition to flirting with them during the day. I would be scared of leading the girl on and making her think I wanted her.
It's kind of weird now. When I started to ignore her, she got really mad. Now that I'm being polite but, distant, she tries to talk to me more and I can tell she wants me to stay around whenever we see each other but, I've just kept things short. I really felt like she was just using me for the attention / validation, and when I asked her out, I ruined the nice set up she had.
BTW, I wasn't some evil duplicitous person attempting to trick her. I'm a bit shy. I wasn't sure if she was interested in me or just a tease, so I took things slow. I wasn't looking for sex. I mean I was but, I wanted to be in a serious relationship with her. And I wrongfully assumed that any person who'd invest that much time into someone had to know it was weird to do that for just platonic relationships. If I had a girlfriend, she would totally not be cool with how much we were talking And the closer we got the more confident I became that she wanted more. But it's cool. Lesson learned.
Sorry Dean. The highlighted part really made me feel bad. I agree with you, even if some others don't. I can absolutely see how you could have felt like you did, espescially when you explain it all. Not much you can do but know some people just don't follow the same way of thinking. I wouldn't act like that for a platonic relationship either. but hey, there are tons of attention wh---res out there. Maybe she just wanted the attention.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Wow, you really DO jump to extremes, don't you?
No one suggested any of those things. No one said you had to be best friends. No one compared you to "those guys." That is WAY off topic.
I just think it was interesting that you were happy to be friends with her until you weren't getting what you wanted anymore. You see her as rejecting YOU, but you were the one who cut off the friendship.
Deep down, did you not enjoy her as a person? Did you open up to her and get something positive out if it?
Just don't see why being friends with a girl has to be such a dreadful thing. In fact it could be very positive. She seems to like you and could recommend you to her single friends who might be more compatible with you.
We've been over this in this forum hundreds of times. Being just friends with a woman we really have strong romantic feelings for is just a weak consolation prize and an empty gesture. No one with self-respect would take it.
No one suggested any of those things. No one said you had to be best friends. No one compared you to "those guys." That is WAY off topic.
I just think it was interesting that you were happy to be friends with her until you weren't getting what you wanted anymore. You see her as rejecting YOU, but you were the one who cut off the friendship.
Deep down, did you not enjoy her as a person? Did you open up to her and get something positive out if it?
Just don't see why being friends with a girl has to be such a dreadful thing. In fact it could be very positive. She seems to like you and could recommend you to her single friends who might be more compatible with you.
What's with this "he wasn't getting what he wants" stuff? Why put it like that? He was doing what a bazillion other people out there are doing; trying to get to know someone they hope to date/have a relationship with. He wasn't just being her buddy. He was trying to get to know her cause he liked her. It's what people do. You make it sound like he's evil for trying to get to know the woman. What about her doing everything but screwing the guy and then acting shocked when he asks her out? Pffft.
Now, let's just examine that highlighted part up top. I wish I could take a sample of people across the US and have them tell me just how easy it is to go from having developed a thing for someone and putting some time into hoping that it can be more, to just nothing but back slapping buddies. Tell me how easy it is to go from liking someone and wanting to date/have a relationship with them to just being their bud.
I have seen tons of posts on different forums stating that is hard to do, and to not kid yourself thinking you can switch your feeling off like that. Maybe IN TIME...IN TIME...he could have ended up being friends with her. And who knows he still might go on to be buds with her. But don't fault the guy for feeling a bit weird about his feelings. They are a bit raw right now, and that is normal. He will get over over it.
we've been over this in this forum hundreds of times. Being just friends with a woman we really have strong romantic feelings for is just a weak consolation prize and an empty gesture. No one with self-respect would take it.
Thanks. Next time I'll make sure to tell her I want sex within the first hour instead of taking it slow and getting to know her. That's clearly the kind of man you respect. Making me out to be such a giant villian. How do you feel about guys who hit it and quit it and don't care to know your last name? Sorry I liked a girl. And sorry I don't want to be best friends with the woman that rejected me.
Nothing wrong with getting to know someone and looking for signs of reciprocal interest. However, the longer you wait to make your interest known, the longer it will take to know for sure.
Here's a good life rule for you, never be surprised or disappointed if a woman does not share your interest when she finally finds out you have that interest. Before that, anything is up for grabs in terms of how she feels.
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And the closer we got the more confident I became that she wanted more. But it's cool. Lesson learned.
