We'd talk for hours every day and night but, she rejected me (how to, men)
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No one suggested any of those things. No one said you had to be best friends. No one compared you to "those guys." That is WAY off topic.
Okay.
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I just think it was interesting that you were happy to be friends with her until you weren't getting what you wanted anymore. You see her as rejecting YOU, but you were the one who cut off the friendship.
All interactions are social contracts. By nature, we must be getting something from that contract or it will cease to exist.
Friendships and relationships erode when one person (or both people) are no longer getting anything from the relationship.
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Deep down, did you not enjoy her as a person? Did you open up to her and get something positive out if it?
This is irrelevant. She wasn't fulfilling his needs on any level. So he ended their friendship. Nothing wrong with that at all.
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Just don't see why being friends with a girl has to be such a dreadful thing. In fact it could be very positive. She seems to like you and could recommend you to her single friends who might be more compatible with you.
In theory, this makes sense. In practice, women rarely make things simple.
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Originally Posted by oceangaia
Oh, so YOU speak for an entire gender, and all females have the same thought processes...
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Originally Posted by Just A Guy
Most women operate the way she said.
The fact is that OP does not really know this girl.
I am significantly older than OP and have way more experience with women. I've been in OP's situation. Generally, if I decided to remain friends (or remain within the group of friends), I've found two things to be true:
- Just about all advice from outsiders (sometimes even insiders) is wrong.
- If I'm getting rejected by someone that seemed interested, there is usually a lot more to the story and it almost never has anything to do with me (for example, the woman has a mental disorder, is attention-seeking by nature, is extremely indecisive, etc. I've even seen one situation where a woman witnessed her father murdering her mother....a friend of mine was interested in her and was rejected multiple times by this woman because of PTSD....they are now happily married).
You really don't know what's going on with a person, so you really can't generalize (which, strangely, is something that I see on this forum repeatedly, but is rarely adhered to by the people dispensing this advice).
Thanks. Next time I'll make sure to tell her I want sex within the first hour instead of taking it slow and getting to know her. That's clearly the kind of man you respect. Making me out to be such a giant villian. How do you feel about guys who hit it and quit it and don't care to know your last name? Sorry I liked a girl. And sorry I don't want to be best friends with the woman that rejected me.
I take it you're being facetious? I wouldn't go that far with it.
So I decided to call her to clear the air. I kept it short. I told her I still wanted us to be cool and that I didn't want things to be awkward between us because I still have to see her everyday. So yea...closure. She definitely had no interest. She will go down as probably the weirdest woman I've ever come in contact with. There was legit about 1,000 messages between us only for her to act like I dreamed everything up. I probably should have mentioned this before but,
Spoiler
I'm a BM and she's a WW.
I can't help but, think that she was okay with talking with me every night or flirting / teasing when we were together but, the idea of actually going out on dates scared her off. It's wrong to accuse someone of that but, I can't help but to think it. Everything she did was just so weird. Either its that or she's attention starved or she is just extremely naive about things. Just two weeks ago she was talking about us backpacking together. Just extremely weird. If she wasn't interested in me, there was several times she could have left it alone but, she kept calling and texting me. Rant aside....its over.
I feel the same. If I'm busy on a day he suggests a date, or if I don't like his date idea (ie scary movie) I'd be offering up another date to go out, or date idea. If I'm interested, I'm not going to let the opportunity slip away.
So I decided to call her to clear the air. I kept it short. I told her I still wanted us to be cool and that I didn't want things to be awkward between us because I still have to see her everyday. So yea...closure. She definitely had no interest. She will go down as probably the weirdest woman I've ever come in contact with. There was legit about 1,000 messages between us only for her to act like I dreamed everything up. I probably should have mentioned this before but,
Spoiler
I'm a BM and she's a WW.
I can't help but, think that she was okay with talking with me every night or flirting / teasing when we were together but, the idea of actually going out on dates scared her off. It's wrong to accuse someone of that but, I can't help but to think it. Everything she did was just so weird. Either its that or she's attention starved or she is just extremely naive about things. Just two weeks ago she was talking about us backpacking together. Just extremely weird. If she wasn't interested in me, there was several times she could have left it alone but, she kept calling and texting me. Rant aside....its over.
If all this is true in the way you're describing it, then yeah, she did lead you on a bit.
So I decided to call her to clear the air. I kept it short. I told her I still wanted us to be cool and that I didn't want things to be awkward between us because I still have to see her everyday. So yea...closure. She definitely had no interest. She will go down as probably the weirdest woman I've ever come in contact with. There was legit about 1,000 messages between us only for her to act like I dreamed everything up. I probably should have mentioned this before but,
Spoiler
I'm a BM and she's a WW.
I can't help but, think that she was okay with talking with me every night or flirting / teasing when we were together but, the idea of actually going out on dates scared her off. It's wrong to accuse someone of that but, I can't help but to think it. Everything she did was just so weird. Either its that or she's attention starved or she is just extremely naive about things. Just two weeks ago she was talking about us backpacking together. Just extremely weird. If she wasn't interested in me, there was several times she could have left it alone but, she kept calling and texting me. Rant aside....its over.
If all this is true in the way you're describing it, then yeah, she did lead you on a bit.
I crashed and burned in horrific fashion and I'm sharing it on a public forum. I'm not gonna lie lol...
It's very weird that we know all of these extremely intimate things about each other when we probably won't talk to each other that much from now on (eventhough we cleared the air). I regret telling her alot of things now.
You have to decide if you prefer to be a girls lover or a friend. Those two are almost always kept separate. If you dont decidedly let her know the reason of why you are talking to her, and escalate physical interraction, she will wonder if youre gay and place you squarely in a friend zone. As it happened in this instance. I think your issue is listening to all the wrong people for dating advice. Youre acting according to dating advice that women give and/or traditional dating advice. Both eliminate you from the game. Next time up, try asking a guy who has more tail in a week than you will in the next 10 years, or at your current pace and strategy - a lifetime.
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