Rocky Week with future DW: Can this be salvaged...

[RJ312]

Originally Posted by Inkpoe

Start seeking premarital counseling NOW.

Is counseling even worth it now? If one is in counseling before the marriage, when things are supposed to be at their best, what's going to happen later?

[Inkpoe]

Originally Posted by RJ312

Is counseling even worth it now? If one is in counseling before the marriage, when things are supposed to be at their best, what's going to happen later?

I think everyone should do premarital counseling. In addition to dealing with any problems, you also learn communicate and identify weak points of the relationship, it's supposed to help set a strong foundation for the marriage itself. Things do not need to be bad for one to seek premarital counseling.

If the OP still wants marry this woman, then they need to start premarital counseling.

[Prince_Frog]

Do not marry this woman.

[NewbieHere]

Originally Posted by Inkpoe

I think everyone should do premarital counseling. In addition to dealing with any problems, you also learn communicate and identify weak points of the relationship, it's supposed to help set a strong foundation for the marriage itself. Things do not need to be bad for one to seek premarital counseling.

If the OP still wants marry this woman, then they need to start premarital counseling.

I had premarital counseling before we got married. It helped me tremendously to be aware of different style and different personality. My husband and I had zero problem, we were so in love that we didn't see anything could possibly go wrong, but the counseling was part of preparation for a church wedding. I'm glad it was suggested by a priest who married us.

[jaypee]

Y'know, I often make fun of CD-Rel's propensity to throw the baby out with the bathwater approach but, once in a while, it's quite appropriate.

Dump her!

[doc1]

If you do marry this woman, please drop by CD from time to time to keep us apprised of your relationship.

[JerZ]

I feel like (I could be wrong) you two just don't understand each other and from what you describe, it may not be fixable. (I'm sorry to say that and again, this is just my feeling...don't take a stranger's word for it...only you know for sure.) Anyway, to me it sounds as if you two just don't "connect" on what's important...i.e. somehow she's getting an inner feeling that you really don't take her feelings and worries into consideration...and that's illogical because your answer really DOES make sense, BUT if she is getting the feeling you're not "on her side" overall she won't be able to take that information in a logical way. Hope that makes sense.

This does NOT mean I'm putting this on you. Or on her, for that matter. Rather, again, it sounds to me like you two might just not be a match. Your communications with one another, even when they're logical, are going right over one another's head.

Personally I would think long and hard about whether marriage is the best thing here. This is something that won't just go away. And even with counseling it may - or may not - be surmounted. In the meantime, how much hurt on both sides will have happened? And will there by then be a child involved?

I realize the natural bent is to say "Oh, she's psycho and overreactive and that's why you shouldn't marry her..." I personally don't think it's always that simple...and have been and am currently in just such a situation: that inner voice is saying, this person doesn't have my best interests at heart...and that just colors every interaction. It's a basic lack of trust. I *personally* feel what generally causes this is just a *conflict in personalities and styles* and not one person or the other being the "bad guy." Rather I think it often happens when we think all the other stars are aligning and we should be marriage material for one another, so we push it. And pushing it is always to both people's detriment.

Again, could be way off base here...but thought I'd give another possible angle, one I'm feeling strongly, for whatever reason, from your OP.

I personally would put at the very least a hold on the marriage plans.

This is not going to get better on its own.

[BayAreaHillbilly]

Originally Posted by RunD1987

Hi, I am not sure where to start and I feel very disoriented in emotions. This week started with a conversation with my SO about children.*

Fiancé wants to have children after marriage fearing that she won't be able to bear children after 30. We'll be 29 when we're married. Fiancé and I are both in school for nursing should be completed by time 31/32. Suggested that around that time can start planning for children. Additionally, we're living on a separate housing of the MIL house. I mean we pay rent not much, but rent/utilities. I suggested to the fiancé to wait till more established and financially secure. Fiancé took it all that matters is money in our future together. Continued on that it never will be enough for me because there is never enough money. That is not the case I tried explaining it's more just we have a plan for careers that will help up us raise kid's together. Continues to go it's her body her choice I will have no more eggs by the time I am 30 I will not have anymore kid's after 35.

Continued on how I am selfish only care about myself and do what I need to do. Ended up crying in tears.

A few days later had a mix up in what holiday's fiancé was off. Fiancé was off Thanksgiving thought I see her in the morning before seeing my family on my mom's side. I told my fiancé working night shift at work sleep in because I worked the day before. Plan on seeing her Friday. Additionally, see fiancé Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning since fiancé works evenings of Christmas.

Fiancé was upset, but waa contained. However, come Thanksgiving title began to build with my fiancé. To a point calling me saying that I need to fix this, you don't care about me, your selfish, this is the second time I am crying this week, you don't love me, I am evaluating the marriage, do you want to marry me, and so forth. Continued on about the right answer is future holiday's are with me and our children that is it or a divorce. Continued on about swearing ay me and telling me how her mom kept asking if fiancé really wanted to marry me.

Had Thanksgiving with family and fiancé started talking to me again. However, canceled plans Friday with me and had something to do with her mom, which was fine.

Come later in the evening joked about how coworkers said another coworker is an older double of my fiancé. That didn't turn out well fiancé continually texted me about how I am cheating on her and if I ever did they'll be trouble.

Comes to today fiancé text me around 6 to come see her. Figured wouldn't see her with hetic schedule procrastinated a lot of my errands till the end of the day, especially since I worked night's. Kind of was upset fiancé asked me late to just come over. I kind of danced around the question telling her I had errands to do. I wanted to get ready for our Save the Date pictures tomorrow.

About tomorrow fiancé can't trust my mom and leary on her helping to take the picture. My mom is difficult to get along with very critical and over bearing, but that's another issue. I kept telling her yea mom will help with the picture, but became upset didn't tell her yes mom will take our picture's.

Fiancé is off and on talking to me tonight. Making accusations that something is wrong with me this week. Again fiancé may not want to come with me tomorrow again and drop plan's because she is upset. I did invite my fiancé and mom to family Thanksgiving dinner when I found out fiancé was off, but fiancé turned down the offer.

I really have no clue what to do. Am I wrong for not seeing my fiancé in the morning or this evening?

Appreciate any feedback or help. I don't know why the relationship, on my DW side, is so hostile lately. Am I in the wrong or doing anything wrong?

Read this:

http://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Things-.../dp/0060929448