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I met a woman about 4 years ago and was interested in her, since we hung out in the same group I saw her many times and we would always have fun together. Finally 2 months ago I got my opportunity to go out with her. We when out and had a wonderful time together. She started texting me and was doing most of the pursuing. When I saw her giving, I started giving back. I was really falling for this girl and she seemed to be really falling for me. She has told me that was mentally abused in a past relationship, but I thought she was over it or gotten through it. We spent 4 days together and were intimate but no sex. The last night I was with her I saw no signs of her not being into me. When I left her place she texted me to be careful driving home. About 12 hours later she sent me a text telling me that this relationship wasn't going to work for her. Blindsided me!!! I really like her but didn't think we were in a relationship, I just wanted to get to know her better. I spoke to her on the phone and she just seemed cold and disrespectful. It has been 7 weeks since she ended it and I haven't heard a thing from her. How can a person (man or women), tell you how happy they are, blindside you and then never talk with you again like you don't exist? Are people this cold-hearted?
I realize it has only been a week but understand that this has been feelings I had for about 4 years now and it isn't like I met her and went out with for a week and it ended. I also run in the same circle as this person, does she really think she won't see me again? I don't know if she was afraid of a relationship (because of her past), ex came back, the click went away? She never told me why, I have no closure. There were 670 texts between the both of us in 7 days, she initiated 60% of the texts. I swear if I sent everything into Dr. Phil he might think she isn't all there.
Has anyone ever experienced this sort of behavior?
I asked her why, she said it was a feeling. I asked her if it was someone else, she said no she wasn't like that. She had no explanation. I have no choice but to move on and I am. I'm sure I will never make sense of this, other then people out there that has experience or actually did the same stuff.
One week of dating does not a relationship make. It takes a couple of months of dating for a person to really fall for you. Before that time, they can change their mind at any moment.
The biggest healer is time. Also, getting busy with work and play, friends, and dating can help ease the pain. Nothing can help you get over the old flame like a new one can!
She already gave you her answer...your lack of closure is you not ACCEPTING her answer. Doesn't matter what she'd have told you, you'd feel the same. You have to give YOURSELF closure. Forget her...move on...that's all you can do.
Next time, don't wait so long to go out with someone - if you can't meet them quickly find someone else so you don't moon over them for years and build it up into something it's not.
She already gave you her answer...your lack of closure is you not ACCEPTING her answer. Doesn't matter what she'd have told you, you'd feel the same. You have to give YOURSELF closure. Forget her...move on...that's all you can do.
Next time, don't wait so long to go out with someone - if you can't meet them quickly find someone else so you don't moon over them for years and build it up into something it's not.
This plus what hawaiiancoconut said above (what is with me and my strange inability to multiquote...).
The concept of "closure" gets a lot of press but really, why does someone who has already said "let's not be together" "owe" the other person some sort of extra mysterious ingredient that would mean closure above and beyond that? Even when the person thinks s/he is delivering it the person receiving it may not feel the same way so what is the person delivering the bad news to do? She has already told you it isn't going to work out between the two of you. That IS closure.
Meanwhile, what HC said is true as well...sometimes we don't get ANY "closure." We get ghosted or whatever. It happens and no, there may not be any recourse in that situation, except to hound and stalk the person, which isn't really acceptable at all and taken to extremes, could produce legal action. Sometimes you have to accept that things didn't work out the way you wanted them to, whether they ended the way you'd have liked them to or not, and that no, nobody in life really owes anybody else an "exit interview" in relationships - yes, it's the kind and decent thing to do, but it won't always happen that way, period.
I'm not trying to be harsh. I know it hurts, I really do, and I am so very sorry. But also try to keep this in perspective. Did you really have a relationship with one another? You only spent a few days together that could be considered romantic/a potential lead-in to possibly seeing one another romantically, if I'm understanding things correctly. (And there was no sex.) That doesn't really constitute a relationship to me. Rather, it constitutes feeling things out. Seeing if there's potential. She didn't feel it, so there isn't, since it takes two.
I feel for you and will be thinking of you and hoping you heal quickly. I know it is hard to be disappointed this way.
She has unresolved problems from the relationship before you, and has not undertaken to get over them, such as through counseling
When you and she were approaching intimacy, it stirred up old, horrid conflicted feelings in her, and -- to put it bluntly -- she took the cowards way out rather than face her own feelings
You did nothing wrong.
She was a psychilogically injured person when you got close, and she chose to stay in her injured state rather than to undertake healing.
She was not able to feel close to anyone -- not just you.
It just was not in her to be able to be intimate.
It's her, not you. End of chapter, turn the page.
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But also try to keep this in perspective. Did you really have a relationship with one another? You only spent a few days together that could be considered romantic/a potential lead-in to possibly seeing one another romantically, if I'm understanding things correctly. (And there was no sex.) That doesn't really constitute a relationship to me. Rather, it constitutes feeling things out. Seeing if there's potential. She didn't feel it, so there isn't, since it takes two.
