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Have you put this topic up on the Europe forum? You might get some useful feedback. There are Finns posting there.
Heh, I've been up to my eyeballs learning about Finnish culture, kind of how I went off the deep end with my Francophilia. (I love France. LOVE.) History, government, manners, family, dating, music, recreation, food, although the language puts my brain in a knot. It's just so interesting to me. Any country that comes up with Angry Birds, the baby box, and my favorite band is okay with me!
I agree. If I invite you over for dinner, I'm going to cook all the food. I won't object if you volunteer to bring a bottle of something or help clear the table, but I'm not going to expect you to bring your own food or get huffy if you don't jump up to help in the kitchen. You're my guest. A meal in a restaurant is just a change in venue. It's pretty easy to tell the difference between people who expect to be treated without ever returning the favor and everyone else. It's never been socially acceptable to always be a guest and never a host.
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Originally Posted by JustJulia
I will. I don't like to clatter around in the kitchen while guests cool their heels on the couch, waiting for me, so I usually just clear and put things in the fridge. If you insisted I would accept, because then I'd be done that much sooner, but I assume the first "Can I help with anything?" is just a pleasantry.
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Originally Posted by JustJulia
I do. A couple other women in this thread said as much also (stan and convextech, I believe). As I said earlier, it doesn't matter if the table is in my house or a restaurant. If I invite you, I am the host and fully prepared to pay.
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Originally Posted by JustJulia
Buying drinks for women in clubs and bars is not dating.
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Originally Posted by JustJulia
I don't think you asked me a question, hence no answer. I think buying drinks for strangers in clubs is pretty dumb and typically done as a segue into fishing for sex. That's not my style. But if I ask you to play pool with me at the local joint, I'm buying your drink and the pool time too.
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Originally Posted by JustJulia
Weird, I say that if I invite you out, I pay, and you still read that as "a guy pays one way or another"? That makes no sense. Maybe you thought I was being dodgy with the "if"? I'll be clearer. I've asked men and women out on dates, and I paid for both of us each time. And leave me out of your "taunt" accusations.
Here are all my posts in this thread. Not a taunt or any names called that I can see.
I went out with a girl a few weeks ago and we went for hot chocolate. We met through OKCupid. I paid because I wanted to. The next date we went to dinner and saw the new Star Wars in 3D. We both split everything. Dinner and drinks was about $32 each with tip, the movie was $17 as well. Plus we had another drink at the bar in the theater so another $12.
Tomorrow is our third date and I am taking her bowling. I plan to pay. This girl is fun to be around. She's close with her family and is a hard worker (works two jobs). I am so shy, I want to make a move, but I don't want to be awkward. I'll just be myself and whatever happens, happens.
That's awesome! When I did OLD, I learned to keep it very simple, and I considered the first meeting just a meeting, not really a date, so I kept that dutch. A half-hour and a beverage and if we really hit it off, we'd naturally extend it for a couple of hours. If not, no worries, nice to meet you, hope you find what you're looking for. Most guys I knew, if they wanted to go out again, a couple of days later I'd hear from them and they'd say something like, "So, would you like to grab a bite? Like on a REAL date." Then we'd go from there.
I have a long way to go, but with each dating experience I learn more about myself and what I like. It's hard because for every 10 - 15 messages I send out on OKCupid I get maybe one reply. I don't want to be desperate.
I was originally going to invite her over to my place for the third date because I wanted to cook her dinner, but I also didn't want to give her the wrong idea. Bowling in a public place is a much better idea because it's an engaging activity. Plus, I am in a bowling league so it gives me some confidence. Any small bit helps.
I am fairly shy and quiet but, like you, have learned a lot about myself by dating on OKCupid. There's nothing wrong with practice dating - finding out what stories work, what responses sound charming rather than awkward, addressing women differently based on their personalities, etc. And just having a lot of fun with the experience.
Sounds like you're off to a great start, and have the right approach/attitude.
I have a second date tonight that I'm a little nervous about because I'm really, really attracted to her and we've been flirtatiously texting back & forth non-stop since our first date.
I'm going to offer to pay for the date, as I did our first date. I also knows she likes chocolate and gifts, so I'm gonna hit up this boutique chocolate shop for a little present. I think it's the nature of this online dating thing...if you really like someone, you have to go all in and put yourself above the players, or the back-up options that are competing for her. Every person on OLD (including myself) has options A, B, C and even D somewhat lined up if you decide to push for it. Have to break through to become my option A's option A, I guess.
Weird, I say that if I invite you out, I pay, and you still read that as "a guy pays one way or another"? That makes no sense. Maybe you thought I was being dodgy with the "if"? I'll be clearer. I've asked men and women out on dates, and I paid for both of us each time. And leave me out of your "taunt" accusations.
I had women come over to our part of the bar and start up a talk/flirt with me on a number of occasions. They always flirted and did stuff, but the general conclusion was that I should set up a time and place (i.e. be "official").
What you speak of is great in theory. Practice is something else. Never once did I have a woman say she invites me to place xyz on a date. EVER. In practice, all I hear from all of you is "a guy should pay". This is why I'll applaud you for your lecture, but please spare me of "gender-neutral" theory. This is also why I asked opinions of men, not women.
Same applies to other posters, several posters happen to claim the same stuff with a bit different definitions. Hopefully they get the point, I cannot be more to-the-point.
Once again, I plainly and clearly state that I have asked men and women on dates and paid, and all you hear is a guy should pay, because no woman has ever asked you out. I've never been picked up in a bar or ever had a stranger buy me a drink, but obviously that happens. Chalk it up to different social groups, I guess.
I'm flabbergasted at what a complete and utter circle jerk this thread has become. I mean how the hell does this simple subject go on for 13 plus pages.
I'm flabbergasted at what a complete and utter circle jerk this thread has become. I mean how the hell does this simple subject go on for 13 plus pages.
Well, when the OP is the kind of guy that takes women on dates as a "prank" to teach them a lesson - what can you really expect?
That's awesome! When I did OLD, I learned to keep it very simple, and I considered the first meeting just a meeting, not really a date, so I kept that dutch. A half-hour and a beverage and if we really hit it off, we'd naturally extend it for a couple of hours. If not, no worries, nice to meet you, hope you find what you're looking for. Most guys I knew, if they wanted to go out again, a couple of days later I'd hear from them and they'd say something like, "So, would you like to grab a bite? Like on a REAL date." Then we'd go from there.
Have a great time tomorrow!
That's nice, if he's into that. But this illustrates my point; why is the first thought for a date--sharing a meal? It comes across that so many guys (including and especially the ones who complain on threads like this) lack imagination when it comes to ideas for dates. That's fine if that's what people enjoy, but for guys who have issues with paying or being expected to pay, there are so many more options. And some very interesting options, too.
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I want to make a move, but I don't want to be awkward. I'll just be myself and whatever happens, happens.
