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A woman takes her husband to the doctor. The doctor comes out and tells the wife that the husband is very ill and it's very serious. The doctor says she will need to keep the home in absolute peace, make all his meals from scratch according to a very special diet, wait on him hand and foot so he won't exert himself in any way, indulge him and keep him happy. If she doesn't do all this, he will surely die.
So the husband comes out and says "Well, what did the doctor say?"
Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming & running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him & said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
This actually took place today. My wife asked me why my fellow c-d posters think these jokes are so funny. I just looked at her with kind of a wise a** smirk and said "Because they are married!" It would be fitting to end this with 'and that's how the fight started', but she just stuck her tongue out at me and walked away!
This actually took place today. My wife asked me why my fellow c-d posters think these jokes are so funny. I just looked at her with kind of a wise a** smirk and said "Because they are married!" It would be fitting to end this with 'and that's how the fight started', but she just stuck her tongue out at me and walked away!
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
My wife was looking at herself in front of a full length mirror.
"My face is chubby, my boobs are saggy, my belly is flabby and my thighs are just plain fat." She turned to me and said, "Tell me something good about me."
My wife was looking at herself in front of a full length mirror.
"My face is chubby, my boobs are saggy, my belly is flabby and my thighs are just plain fat." She turned to me and said, "Tell me something good about me."
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Funny....
