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I can’t help but think that it must be men’s insecurity as to why I am still single. I have had several short relationships where the guy has told me that I am exactly what they are looking for. Once things start to get serious they are out the door, sometimes I get a lame excuse most of the time I get silence. I am a smart successful woman who is above average looks-wise and many of my hobbies are male friendly (gym rat). I just don’t get it and I don’t know how to make it better in the future. I don’t like to talk about work away from work, so I highly doubt I’m rubbing my profession in anyone’s face. I have had long term relationships that have ended for numerous reasons. I have a large circle of friends. I just can’t find someone to love me. I always get 2nd and third dates. It’s around that 6th week that they just drop off.
This may be presumptuous but maybe since I am what a lot of guys are looking for they get scared and bail first? Like they don't want to deal with the disappointment of me eventually dumping them. The last one stated that there was no chemistry after a month of dates. I have a hard time believing that. There were some awkwardness but a lot of late nights lost in conversations, stolen kisses and just generally a lot of fun. Then randomly he called me to tell me that he doesn't want to see me again. I'm really just confused.
I can’t help but think that it must be men’s insecurity as to why I am still single. I have had several short relationships where the guy has told me that I am exactly what they are looking for. Once things start to get serious they are out the door, sometimes I get a lame excuse most of the time I get silence. I am a smart successful woman who is above average looks-wise and many of my hobbies are male friendly (gym rat). I just don’t get it and I don’t know how to make it better in the future. I don’t like to talk about work away from work, so I highly doubt I’m rubbing my profession in anyone’s face. I have had long term relationships that have ended for numerous reasons. I have a large circle of friends. I just can’t find someone to love me. I always get 2nd and third dates. It’s around that 6th week that they just drop off.
This may be presumptuous but maybe since I am what a lot of guys are looking for they get scared and bail first? Like they don't want to deal with the disappointment of me eventually dumping them. The last one stated that there was no chemistry after a month of dates. I have a hard time believing that. There were some awkwardness but a lot of late nights lost in conversations, stolen kisses and just generally a lot of fun. Then randomly he called me to tell me that he doesn't want to see me again. I'm really just confused.
Why are you confused? You already know why they don't stick around, you stated it ^^^^^^^^^^.
Perhaps your attitude shows more than you think it does.
I say this as a woman: do you have an attitude about being successful?
I made much more money than my husband did when we first met and was published internationally but it hardly even came up in conversation (the "successful" part, we did whine back & forth a bit about work as most couples do, sounding boards & all that) and I never attempted the whole 70s "I'm a smart, successful, strong woman" thingie with him, I was just myself, and everything worked out fine.
I mean successful as in...CEO of Uniliver? Maybe. But generally successful? Maybe something else is going on there...? I know you said you don't rub your profession in anyone's face but is there any chance at all (not saying there is) that when you do bring it up you come off you-know-what-buster-y, at least a little?
I hope that doesn't sound narrow and old-fashioned, just reaching for ideas here.
I love a successful woman, it shows that they are independent, smart and a go getter in what they do.
If I may ask:
What is your attitude around the 'guys'?
Do you do the first move?
What is it that you're looking for in a guy?
Do you give them any vibe that you're interested?
What is your 'type' of guy?
Eventually dumping them? Have you done a lot of dumping? Maybe the reputation you have built needs some tweaking?
No, a woman can be successful and I can find it a turn on. However, if she looks down on me for making less than her then that's a turn off. I don't like women who have attitude problems, successful or not.
Last edited by 49ersfan27; 02-29-2016 at 03:03 PM..
I can’t help but think that it must be men’s insecurity as to why I am still single. I have had several short relationships where the guy has told me that I am exactly what they are looking for. Once things start to get serious they are out the door, sometimes I get a lame excuse most of the time I get silence. I am a smart successful woman who is above average looks-wise and many of my hobbies are male friendly (gym rat). I just don’t get it and I don’t know how to make it better in the future. I don’t like to talk about work away from work, so I highly doubt I’m rubbing my profession in anyone’s face. I have had long term relationships that have ended for numerous reasons. I have a large circle of friends. I just can’t find someone to love me. I always get 2nd and third dates. It’s around that 6th week that they just drop off.
This may be presumptuous but maybe since I am what a lot of guys are looking for they get scared and bail first? Like they don't want to deal with the disappointment of me eventually dumping them. The last one stated that there was no chemistry after a month of dates. I have a hard time believing that. There were some awkwardness but a lot of late nights lost in conversations, stolen kisses and just generally a lot of fun. Then randomly he called me to tell me that he doesn't want to see me again. I'm really just confused.
Maybe that was the one who complained here last week that he'd been out with a woman on 7 dates, and "still no sex!" You will run into a few of those. Or maybe a lot of those. I doubt it's the fact that you have a great career, because they knew that going into the first few dates with you.
Other than what I suggested, which may be cliche, but we get a lot of that particular cliche on this forum, I don't know what to tell you. After getting to know you better, they decide it's not a good match, for some reason (if the reason isn't the obvious aforementioned...). How have you felt about them? Have you felt that things are clicking and going in the right direction? Have you felt that some of these guys were showing real potential?
I don't think so. I'm an engineer but I'm not very engineery. I'm just good at math. I am pretty frugal so it's not like I'm flashing my success around. My house is probably a little nicer than most peoples in my demographic but not considerably.
I don't think so. I'm an engineer but I'm not very engineery. I'm just good at math. I am pretty frugal so it's not like I'm flashing my success around. My house is probably a little nicer than most peoples in my demographic but not considerably.
An engineer, cool! Can you think of any common theme to these breakups that happen 4-6 weeks in?
And btw, I don't know how long you've been at this and how many dateships you've had that get bast the 3rd or 4th date, but it's normal, I think, that people at some point decide it's not working for the long term. They gave it a good try for a few dates, but one or the other decides it just isn't a good fit. The statistic I've heard/read is that 1 in 100 really clicks to the point of gelling into at least a medium=term relationship.
That sounds like a solid job but I'm not seeing successful in a remarkable (as compared to other confirmed careers) way in there...? I'm not putting it down, is what I'm saying, it sounds great and I'm sure you must be talented at what you do but this just doesn't sound (to me) like something that would put a guy off for it being too "successful". Just how I'm seeing this.
Ditto for your brief description of your home.
Honestly, I'd be looking for other reasons. Maybe do some soul-searching. It could be any one of a number of reasons. It could literally just be luck. It could be the type of guy you're picking...it could be something specific to you...it could be none of the above...so hard to say with really not much information, but if it were me I'd definitely be dissecting this a little more to figure out what was going on.
That sounds like a solid job but I'm not seeing successful in a remarkable (as compared to other confirmed careers) way in there...? I'm not putting it down, is what I'm saying, it sounds great and I'm sure you must be talented at what you do but this just doesn't sound (to me) like something that would put a guy off for it being too "successful". Just how I'm seeing this.
Ditto for your brief description of your home.
Honestly, I'd be looking for other reasons. Maybe do some soul-searching. It could be any one of a number of reasons. It could literally just be luck. It could be the type of guy you're picking...it could be something specific to you...it could be none of the above...so hard to say with really not much information, but if it were me I'd definitely be dissecting this a little more to figure out what was going on.
Aha. This sounds like it would be worth looking at.
And yes, these days, OP, I think many guys are interested in a woman who can "pull her own weight", i.e. has a good job. Being an engineer shouldn't be intimidating, unless you're going with guys who aren't doing as well. On the other hand, it might depend on what kind of engineer you are. If you're in the computer tech field, it might be different. I couldn't say for sure, but there seems to be some odd hostility among some techies toward women who are successful in what is portrayed as a man's field. There have been horror stories in the news about very immature behavior on the part of men at tech conferences, in the office, etc. I don't know if you're in that age group at all....
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Can you think of any common theme to these breakups that happen 4-6 weeks in?
