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so here is the situation, me and the GF have been together for 9 months now. Due to sexual issues on my side (I have psychological ED issues that I am in therapy for) we have not had a good sex life and we have not even had intercourse yet. This is somewhat compounded by her lack of patience and the propensity to get easily frustrated at the issue.
However, besides the sex stuff we enjoy a lot of things together and generally get along very well. So, we were planning a vacation to Europe in August. The issue is that we are working through these sexual compatibility issues and I do not know what will happen to the relationship if it just does not work out.
With such uncertainty should we be even planning vacations? Recently she told me that she has lost all her sex drive because she is not getting any sex from me and at this point she does not even care anymore if she gets sex or not since she is tired of waiting... but she still wants to be in the relationship because she loves me. It does not make me feel really good but I don't know what else to do. I feel therapy is helping me and i'm improving but the fact that she lost her sex drive is a setback.
Even if you have ED issues, you should be able to please her sexually "other ways"...
You say she "lost her sex drive"? Seems unlikely. Get down there and please her. Or move on.
I was going to say...as long as your hands and your mouth still work, you can make things happen.
At the same time, August is a long way off. Do you think that you'll be able to work through the kinks (NPI) in your sexual relationship between now and then? You don't want to be locked into an expensive trip if you're hanging on by a thread.
so here is the situation, me and the GF have been together for 9 months now. Due to sexual issues on my side (I have psychological ED issues that I am in therapy for) we have not had a good sex life and we have not even had intercourse yet. This is somewhat compounded by her lack of patience and the propensity to get easily frustrated at the issue.
However, besides the sex stuff we enjoy a lot of things together and generally get along very well. So, we were planning a vacation to Europe in August. The issue is that we are working through these sexual compatibility issues and I do not know what will happen to the relationship if it just does not work out.
With such uncertainty should we be even planning vacations? Recently she told me that she has lost all her sex drive because she is not getting any sex from me and at this point she does not even care anymore if she gets sex or not since she is tired of waiting... but she still wants to be in the relationship because she loves me. It does not make me feel really good but I don't know what else to do. I feel therapy is helping me and i'm improving but the fact that she lost her sex drive is a setback.
Knowing the history of your other threads, having "working parts" is the very last of the problems with this woman you should worry about.
No, you should not be planning a European vacation with her!!
Yours is not an issue of what goes where; it's an issue of her being demanding, immature and inconsiderate and your being inexplicably desperate for companionship regardless of how you are treated.
OP, Do you use these other things to make things happen?
Yes, but we have very different sexual styles. I am a little more slow and gentle, like lots of make out sessions etc. etc. She does not like to make out or even kiss very much for that matter. I have been with various women in the past and virtually all of them loved the fact that I kissed passionately and did lots of foreplay and that is what they specifically wanted.
So, I continued with what I knew from the past with my current GF and she acted like I did not know WTF I was doing and that i'm being awkward She said she likes it aggressive and rough with lots of passion etc. I am just not used to that but it takes time to learn a new person. The thing that irks me is that she thinks what she wants sexually is "the way" people should be having sex. Infact, she stated several times that "it is not how it is done" when I suggested things. When I tried stimulating myself manually she said what the heck I am doing is ridiculous and it should just become erect on it's own which my therapist said is not true at all. He also said that there is no right or wrong way when it comes to sex as it's way too variable which gives me more confidence.
Yes, but we have very different sexual styles. I am a little more slow and gentle, like lots of make out sessions etc. etc. She does not like to make out or even kiss very much for that matter. I have been with various women in the past and virtually all of them loved the fact that I kissed passionately and did lots of foreplay and that is what they specifically wanted.
So, I continued with what I knew from the past with my current GF and she acted like I did not know WTF I was doing and that i'm being awkward She said she likes it aggressive and rough with lots of passion etc. I am just not used to that but it takes time to learn a new person. The thing that irks me is that she thinks what she wants sexually is "the way" people should be having sex. Infact, she stated several times that "it is not how it is done" when I suggested things. When I tried stimulating myself manually she said that it is ridiculous and it should just become erect on it's own which my therapist said is not true at all. He also said that there is no right or wrong way when it comes to sex as it's way too variable which gives me more confidence.
When we talk about sexual compatibility being important, this is what we're talking about. Nine months seems like plenty of time to realize that you're not compatible and that she's not respecting you and your difficulties.
Yes, but we have very different sexual styles. I am a little more slow and gentle, like lots of make out sessions etc. etc. She does not like to make out or even kiss very much for that matter. I have been with various women in the past and virtually all of them loved the fact that I kissed passionately and did lots of foreplay and that is what they specifically wanted.
So, I continued with what I knew from the past with my current GF and she acted like I did not know WTF I was doing and that i'm being awkward She said she likes it aggressive and rough with lots of passion etc. I am just not used to that but it takes time to learn a new person. The thing that irks me is that she thinks what she wants sexually is "the way" people should be having sex. Infact, she stated several times that "it is not how it is done" when I suggested things. Now, my therapist said that there is no right or wrong way when it comes to sex as it's way too variable which gives me more confidence.
Your therapist right. Different people like different things. None of them are "right" or "wrong". If you don't like what your gf likes, why are you even staying with her?
I am a little confused about the passion part. Supposedly, you both like passion, so what is the problem in this area?
Also, you said you have ED. Can't you do other things with other body parts to make up for this?
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She said she likes it aggressive and rough with lots of passion etc. I am just not used to that but it takes time to learn a new person. The thing that irks me is that she thinks what she wants sexually is "the way" people should be having sex. Infact, she stated several times that "it is not how it is done" when I suggested things. When I tried stimulating myself manually she said what the heck I am doing is ridiculous and it should just become erect on it's own which my therapist said is not true at all. He also said that there is no right or wrong way when it comes to sex as it's way too variable which gives me more confidence.
